God Can™

How does God Can™ work?

And then everything will be wonderful again.

Because God works in mysterious ways.

Help encourage your children or loved ones to embrace their faith in God by using God Can™ as a tool for constructing a healthy relationship with the Lord.

I shall.

But which God Can™ do I want…? The Regular or the Deluxe version?! (God will love you more if you go Deluxe.)

In case you were wondering, though, this isn’t about the profits.

It’s about you.

And God.

God Can™ is a great tool to help strengthen your relationship with the Lord, but our goal here is to encourage your faith in God with or without a God Can™.

It works, too. Check out a testimonial:

My brother was diagnosed with cancer and given 6 months to live. I put my prayers into the God Can and it gave me peace of mind. I believe God looked after him and he lived another 2 years. The doctors were amazed. I know it’s unprovable but I am a true believer!
Tim

Submitter Bjorn told August Berkshire about the God Can™:

…he suggested that we “Can God.” He is a clever one.

Indeed.

You know you want yours before the Christmas rush!

(Thanks to Bjorn for the link!)

[tags]atheist, atheism, Christian, religion[/tags]

Kaleena

holy crap! i can’t believe that it’s real!
Darryl

Leave it to Christians to combine a pun (the lowest form of humor) with corn, kitsch, sappiness, sentimentality, superstition, and mass-market materialism. It’s a trifecta of evangelical inanity.
Maria

is this actually real??? I thought it was a joke………….
Siamang

Step four: PROFIT!!!
Bjorn Watland

I saw billboards for God Can while on a road trip through Missouri. I did have to get pretty south in Missouri to see the signs, and noticed I was around a couple of Bible Colleges. Also to note, the McDonald’s in the area all had Nativity displays and a banner which reads, “Jesus, the Reason for the Season..”
Richard Wade

So some little kid thinks God is a tiny gnome inside the can reading the prayers? What happens when the can fills up? Eventually you can’t stuff any more little pieces of paper into the can even if you use a fork. Is that a good representation of an infinitely capacious God? So after it’s full, whaddaya do with it? Do you recycle it? Put it in a landfill? Keep it on the TV with all the other full God Cans? Open it and read everybody else’s secret squashed prayers and then use it for excess bacon grease so you won’t clog your drain? If it’s an aluminum can, can a tough guy crush it against his forehead? If it’s filled with paper he could really hurt himself. Eventually we’ll hear a story about how a stray bullet went through a window and hit the God Can instead of killing the occupant. Paper is very dense. So are some people.

This product probably has the same cost-to-price ratio as the Pet Rock, except that the Pet Rock is much more fulfilling.
ollie

Here is how a god can works.

Write something on the paper that you are worried about but is beyond your control.

Put your concern in the god can.

Then you can just relax and go on; the idea is to let go of things that you cannot change.

No magic involved!
HappyNat

What happens when the can fills up?

Why you buy another God Can of course. See Siamang’s step 4, which is really what this is about . . .I hope.
Jeff

There is a certain wall in Jerusalem where people place little folded up pieces of paper in cracks for some reason. I’ve often wondered who removes the old little pieces of paper so new ones can be placed there by others… The only difference (with the God Can) is that the wall is free… except for the expense of getting there. I have a receptacle with a plastic liner for a similar purpose in my kitchen. We have a curb-side service that removes the contents once a week.
Steve Craperson

Couldn’t you just use an empty soda can? Or do you need someone holy to commission the can? Maybe a local preacher or snake charmer?
Karen

When the God Can gets filled up, you open it, take out the prayer requests and agree that god miraculously answered each one by saying “Yes,” “No” or “Wait.”

Works every time! 😉
Jango

What’s the big deal? Nobody is forcing you guys to buy it. This product isn’t really harming anybody except for you guys.
HappyNat

What’s the big deal? Nobody is forcing you guys to buy it. This product isn’t really harming anybody except for you guys.

I don’t think we said it was harming anybody, except maybe harming the bank accounts of people shelling out money for an empty coffee can. It’s not a “big deal” it is just silly.
Jango

I don’t think we said it was harming anybody, except maybe harming the bank accounts of people shelling out money for an empty coffee can. It’s not a “big deal” it is just silly.

I really don’t think $2.75 is harming anyone’s bank account. Anyways, it’s a nice looking can, and I think if people would rather use a coffee can, they have the freedom to do that.
T&A

Only a rube would spend money on this… Oh wait, I forgot, we are talking about people who believe in Jebus!

Never mind.
Rob Linford

I wish I could figure out a way to sell a 50 cent product for $2.75 plus shipping. Probably the same people that brought us the pet rock.
Richard Wade

Hi Jango, you asked a legitimate question:

What’s the big deal? Nobody is forcing you guys to buy it. This product isn’t really harming anybody except for you guys.

Now apply that same question to the people described on the other post who want everyone to boycott the movie “The Golden Compass.”

Something like,
“What’s the big deal? Nobody is forcing you guys to see it. This movie is only offensive to you guys, who haven’t seen it nor read the book.”
Siamang

Jango said:

This product isn’t really harming anybody except for you guys.

From the website:

I was introduced to it by my mother after she heard I had sought help for my alcoholism. I am a recovering alchoholic who has since used God Can™ for over 25 years.

My brother was diagnosed with cancer and given 6 months to live. I put my prayers into the God Can and it gave me peace of mind. I believe God looked after him and he lived another 2 years. The doctors were amazed. I know it’s unprovable but I am a true believer!

Okay, so they are making health claims on behalf of their product, “The God Can”.

These aren’t claims like “The God Can helps me to put my focus on the things that really matter” or “Since I got The God Can, I worry less about the things that I can’t fix.” Or “My God Can reminds me to pray more and worry less.”

No, these are claims that say “I was an alcoholic until I got the God Can” and “My brother’s cancer was improved by The God Can.”

As someone who has lost loved ones because they employed magical thinking when they should have gotten medical care or professional psychological help, I take exception to the idea that quack solutions like “The God Can” aren’t harming people.
Should I Really Use My Real Name?

The Christian industry comes up with some creative ways of making money… it’s sad really. If it were a parody site, it would be brilliant.

Of course it’s easy to laugh at Christianity if you’re an atheist, but do you all have a sense of humuor when it comes to other things…. I found a funny evolution cartoon that (imho) neither fully supports nor ridicules evolution…

From my grounded Christian perspective, I think it’s hilarious. I’d be interested to see what a random sampling of atheists think of it 😉
Richard Wade

LOL Yes, Should I, that cartoon is funny. Thanks!
Lummy

Siamang said,

November 27, 2007

“I was an alcoholic until I got the God Can”

you took that quote out of context and you also misquoted. I don’t think it implies that the God Can cures anything.
Jared

Step one: Cut a hole in a can.
Step two: Put your prayer in that can.
Step three: Make God open that can.

Oh yeaaaaah
ollie

Siamang, ok, I didn’t follow the link.

Of course, I disapprove of people who want to sell things which are supposed to have “magical” powers.

Now, I do know of 12 step people who use “god cans”, “god jars” and whatever but that is nothing more than an emotional/psychological tool; most of these folks just use an old jar, can or whatever.

I have a friend who has lived double his life expectancy following a diagnosis of inoperable pancreatic cancer, but that is mostly because he has a good attitude and continues to exercise 4-5 times a week (weights, swimming, walking) and was a dedicated distance runner prior to the diagnosis.

So a case of longevity associated with the use of a can hardly proves anything.
Siamang

Jared and Should both made me laugh today.

That’s a great cartoon, Should!
Joel Sax

kaleena: After having been raised Catholic — a tradition in which you buy candles to heat up your prayers (hot prayers rise?) — I can.

Shall we can it for now?
Maria

I saw billboards for God Can while on a road trip through Missouri. I did have to get pretty south in Missouri to see the signs, and noticed I was around a couple of Bible Colleges. Also to note, the McDonald’s in the area all had Nativity displays and a banner which reads, “Jesus, the Reason for the Season..”

Isn’t McDonald’s on private property?
Randall

Should:

As an atheist and recovering Guinea Pig fan, that cartoon is hilarious.
ollie

Bjorn wasn’t saying that the McDonalds Nativity display and banner was illegal; he was (accurately) reporting how openly pious parts of Southern Missouri are (e. g., around Springfield).

I do know that I wouldn’t patronize a business that wore Christianity on it’s sleeve, but if I lived in that area, I’d be doing lots of mail order business! 🙂
Bjorn Watland

Ollie is correct. I know the displays are not illegal, just looked redundant when the bank next door has a nativity display, and every other house has a wire frame, animatronic, chiristmas light nativity display. Now, if people around Springfield would stop driving like there was an afterlife, and if they were in a crash, they’d be zapped straight up to heaven, THAT would be progress!
Jonas

As an atheist and fan of the Dilbert cartoon, I must comment that my first thought on seeing the cartoon was a roll of toilet paper on which to write your prayer, followed by dropping the prayer into the tube inside the roll.
Claire

Should, that is one funny cartoon! I love my piggies, cartoon or real. And while they are always amusing, if the cartoon had had a point, for or against evolution, guinea pigs would have been a poor choice. They have been domesticated for thousands of years and no longer exist in the wild, so what we see is a product of selective breeding more than evolution. The cartoon is still funny, though.

Jared, I have been laughing about your posting for a whole day. Unfortunately, I now have the tune stuck in my head…

The God Can? Profiting from fear and other people’s stupidity may be the real oldest profession.
Maria

Ollie is correct. I know the displays are not illegal, just looked redundant when the bank next door has a nativity display, and every other house has a wire frame, animatronic, chiristmas light nativity display. Now, if people around Springfield would stop driving like there was an afterlife, and if they were in a crash, they’d be zapped straight up to heaven, THAT would be progress!

LOL I figured I just wanted to check. It’s the same way in southern va……it’s as if there are no holidays other than Xmas……..
Bartlett

I was going to say it’s playing upon people’s idiocy to market such an easily reproducible non-consumable but whatever. Anyone dumb enough to buy this should probably have wads of cash, coins and other small items taken away in any case so they don’t choke themselves to death.