I hate when this happens.
I was sleeping and a demon came upon my shoulder and started irritating me. I tried to rebuke it in the name of Jesus Christ but it would not leave. I tried to quote scripture but it would not stop irritating me and it even started irritating my armpit. The Lord gave me understanding that the demon was tormenting me because of the deodorant I use. Then in my mind I made up my mind to stop using deodorants and then my dream ended.
That’s from Kenyan Christian Monika Mugechi, whose Facebook post about how much God despises demonic deodorant has gone viral, with supporters and detractors weighing in by the thousands. She and her deity are a real barrel of laughs.
Trousers, shorts and bum shorts labelled as made for women are not just invented in hell but also whoever puts them on is headed to that lake of fire and brimstone.
Burning forever is the central theme in Mugechi’s musings. For Catholics, whose faith is grounded in “witchcraft,” she has this advice:
Turn from your idolatry or perish in hell!
To women who wear high heels or tight-fitting clothing:
How can you escape that lake of fire if your [sic] continue dressing in lascivious clothes and flaunting your lewdness?
To women who trim their hair or shave their heads:
Don’t you know that to be shorn as a woman is a shame unto God? … If you are a Christian woman and you are completely shaving your hair/trimming your hair you need to repent or perish in the lake of fire and brimstone.
Just as I was beginning to feel like chopped liver, Mugechi turns her righteous wrath on the godless:
[O]ne day you are gonna die Mr and Miss Atheist
She’s polite, at least…
…And you will be judged according to the scriptures (not according to the philosophy, pyschology and evolution you cherish) …
He is not coming to whisper lovey dovey “I love you” to the fools and the wicked who claim He does not exist. He is coming with fire, with chariots like a whirlwind to render his anger with fury and his rebuke with flames of fire. For by fire and by sword, will the Lord plead with all flesh and the slain of the Lord shall be many.
It all put me in mind of this happy ditty from The Book of Mormon:
But Tyrion Lannister probably said it best: