Christian “Ex-Witch” Offers Handy Dandy Tips To Protect Yourself From Witchcraft

Hey! Are you concerned that someone is putting hexes on you? Maybe because you are the kind of paranoid weirdo who reads Charisma News on the regular? Well, are you ever in luck. That site just produced a video starring “ex-witch” Beth Eckert in which she tells you how to undo all those curses people are witchcrafting on you all the time.

The devil’s trick witch [sic] witchcraft is to make it seem all innocent and fun.

“Witchcraft can be very deceptive, and it can manifest in many ways in our lives,” former witch Beth Eckert says.

“A lot of us are used to thinking that witchcraft is just what you see on TV and in the movies. What comes to mind is Maleficent in the Disney movie, or the wicked witch in the Wizard of Oz or Harry Potter. So things that are fun or perfectly innocent and good like Harry Potter or things that are so far out of our reality that we can’t even comprehend that it would be something real.”

That’s how it sneaks in. Before you know it, you may be under an attack.

The whole video is, like, 36 minutes long and I watched the whole thing. Basically the only hot tip she gives is Jesus. And, um, finding someone to help you undo “generational blood curses” your dead relatives may have somehow put on you. (What kind of person offers those services? She doesn’t say.)

However, she does explain the many ways that you can be cursed without even knowing it — sometimes by people who aren’t even witches or aren’t even aware that they are doing witchcraft. Which is actually my understanding of how the evil eye works, except that, for the most part, the evil eye primarily affects babies, crops, and your junk. (Fun fact: that’s what the Italian horn necklaces are all about).

Eckert also points out how even you might do witchcraft without knowing it! Because all witchcraft is, according to her, is rebelling against God. By her logic, that includes disobeying the commandment that says “Honor thy parents.” So if you ever say something like, “I don’t want to be like my parents,” even if your parents are horrible people, you’re a witch.

What are the manifestations of witchcraft? How do you know if someone has cursed you? Well, if your internet is slow, you’re still tired even though you slept enough, you feel scatterbrained, you’re sick, or pretty much anything sorta bad happened to you, those are all signs. And the only cure is Jesus, and walking with Him, and more cowbell or something.

Only Jesus can speed up your internet connection. That’s what we’ve learned here.

Out of curiosity, I checked out Eckert’s blog, The Other Side Of Darkness, where she claims to be a survivor of Satanic Ritual Abuse with many recovered childhood memories — including being involved in some sort of Satanic ritual at a Mormon temple as a child. Which definitely seems like a real thing that happens. Also, she got into Wicca as a teenager, unlike every other teenage girl who saw The Craft one time, so she knows all about the evil of witches. And then there’s this:

That is how a Christian can also be a satanist. They have already been inducted into the occult through satanic ritual abuse as a child, and they have alters who carry the knowledge of the rituals. The alter comes forward and takes over to do rituals, and then goes dormant again while your conscious self takes over. The dissociation keeps you from consciously remembering that you just did a satanic ritual, just like it did to me as a child. People have to dissociate during these rituals, because no person will ever willing decide to partake in evil like that. Not unless it was already done to them for so long it forces them to become evil themselves.

She doesn’t need Jesus. She needs a therapist.

Or, to summarize Charisma‘s take on her, she’s a great resource and totally not some kind of amalgamation of half-remembered episodes of Sally Jessy Raphael, and we should all take her advice on getting rid of the witchcraft in our lives, in hopes of improving our internet connections. AMEN.

(via Joe. My. God.)