Try This with Your Email Signatures June 25, 2009

Try This with Your Email Signatures

By Guest Contributor
June 25, 2009

If you’re like me, you’ve received those emails from Christian friends that have a Bible verse in the signature line.

It looks like a variant of the following:

Bob —

The party starts at 7:00 p.m.

— Christian

————————-
John 3:16

Here’s a fun experiment you can try.

Put a Bible verse in your signature line.

But not a famous/inspirational verse.

Instead, cite a passage that makes no sense out-of-context… or showcases something in the Bible that is downright disturbing.

A few examples:

Numbers 12:9

Numbers 33:4

Psalm 50:22

Romans 1:27

How long will it take any of your friends to notice…?

(via Kevin Roose)

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  • «bønez_brigade»

    Malachi 2:3 [KJV, of course] is great for all seasons.

  • I certainly wouldn’t use the last one (Romans 1:27). It sort of makes it seem as if you endorse the Church’s anti-homosexuality agenda. Could be dangerous. Might I suggest Deuteronomy 20:10-17 or Ezekiel 20:25-26?

  • How about Joel 1:4?

  • GG

    I quite think Song of Solomon 5:4 should have them wagging their eyebrows. The KJV always says it best 😉

  • How about Ezekiel 23:11-21?

    http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Ezekiel%2023:11-21;&version=31;

    It’s a passage that is rarely read aloud in church.

  • ZombieGirl
  • ChrisO.
  • Jeff Satterley

    I like 2 Kings 2:24

  • Lib

    Deuteronomy 22 is full of useful rules for life.

    Deuteronomy 22:8
    Deuteronomy 22:12
    Deuteronomy 22:28-29

  • Kay

    Ezekiel 23:20 takes the cake for me.

  • Gabriel

    These are great. I am a big fan of the Song of Solomon. It basically summarizes as “Boobies, Boobies, Oh God how I love Boobies” My mom told me that that one got left out of the mormon bible when she was a kid.

    proverbs 5:19
    Song of Solomon 8:8

  • gmcfly

    There’s also Deuteronomy 25:11-12.

  • Was about to say that one, Kay. My favorite, too 🙂

  • How about Isaiah 45:7? I’ve always enjoyed that one.

  • Scott M.

    You forgot Matthew 6:5

    5″And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by men. I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full. But thou, when thou prayest, enter into thy closet, and when thou hast shut thy door, pray to thy Father which is in secret; and thy Father which seeth in secret shall reward thee openly.

    Or–Judges 9:5
    5 He went to his father’s home in Ophrah and on one stone murdered his seventy brothers, the sons of Jerub-Baal. But Jotham, the youngest son of Jerub-Baal, escaped by hiding.

    Note Jerub-Baal is also known as Gideon so Abimelech, the bastard son of Gideon, got his revenge! Just as I do by throwing out those damn bibles from the hotel rooms. My record is 4 bibles from one hotel!

  • False Prophet

    Dear Protestant fundamentalists,

    Did it ever occur to you that your own Scripture declares that it’s not the complete Word of God?

  • My favorite has always been Genesis 24:34:

    “I am Abraham’s servant,” he answered.

  • As an ex-psycho-fundie-Christian, I’d recommend putting verses from the New Testament. Christians always snap back with “LOLZ TAHTS THE OLD TESTAMENT STUPID, ITS NOT RELEVANT ANYMOAR COZ OF JEEBUS LOL.” So pick New Testament verses, especially some of the golden nuggets dropped by Jesus and Paul. If I come across some brilliant examples not already posted I’ll add them 🙂

  • I’m with Jeff Satterly. Spare the grizzly bear maulings, spoil the child. That’s just the way I was raised: kids need discipline.

    @Marcus – there are definitely some gems in the NT. But if anyone gives you lip about OT citations — especially the ones about weird priestly laws — just fire back with Matthew 5:17-18.

  • Gavrilo

    when writing to a contractor that has a delay in his delivery, add Leviticus 12:3

    “In the eighth day the flesh of his foreskin shall be circumcised”

    Now that should convince him that you’re not to be fooled around with!

    More seriously, maybe we should start adding parts of the gospel of the FSM to our mails, as an anti thing.

  • You forgot Psalm 137:9.

  • Tony

    You should definitely put it as Ezekiel 23:20 FTW.

  • As a Christian I did this sort of thing years ago for kicks.

    At least I’m glad to see creativity is not dead amongst the atheist community (if a little slow).

  • I was going to point out some of the more embarrasing ones, but it seems people have beat me to it! Some real gems in the comments here.

  • Reuben

    Hemant, you have brought me laughter.

  • Andrew C.

    Matthew 21:17

  • Jason

    Leviticus 1:15 And the priest shall bring it unto the altar, and wring off his head, and burn it on the altar; and the blood thereof shall be wrung out at the side of the altar

    So Bob, up for a little animal sacrifice this eveninig?

    skepticsannotatedbible.com

  • Shae

    This is a great idea, unfortunately I think the verses you chose, Hemant, would be taken by many Christians as, “Yep, it’s good to remind folks if they leave God or do bad things they’ll regret it.”

    skepticsannotatedbible.com has some good choices. How about the ones where insects “walk on all fours” or rabbits chew their cud or the one where God destroys some kids for laughing at a bald man? Or any of the mysterious verses involving doing something or other with dung.

    I also enjoy the racy Song of Solomon choices.

  • Gen 25:30: “Boy am I starved! Give me a bite of that red stuff there!” (Kenneth Taylor’s Living Bible paraphrase)

  • Judges 1:19
    And the LORD was with Judah; and he drave out the inhabitants of the mountain; but could not drive out the inhabitants of the valley, because they had chariots of iron.

  • TXatheist

    I now have the idea of adding a koran scripture about killing infidels. That should put them over the top but honestly I’ve only ever gotten one or two and responded that I’m atheist so please don’t send me religious stuff. (including their religious signature implied)

  • stogoe

    If I was going to do this, I’d have to do Matthew 21:17: “And he left them and went out of the city into Bethany and he lodged there”

  • kt

    lol i like the first one

  • AJ

    @GG

    That particular verse just isn’t understood by today’s psychological thinking. Today, we consider the heart to be the seat of the emotions. “I love her with all my heart”. During the time that was written, the bowels were considered the seat of emotions. (Related to, for example, “butterflies in my stomach”.)

    So, if that had been written today, it would have just read “he moved my heart”. It didn’t mean she had a bowel movement.

  • Cypress Green
  • Stephen P

    Should you have any correspondence with Scotsmen, I would recommend Exodus 20:26.

  • ATL-Apostate

    New Testament Jeebus Quote:

    Luke 19:27

    Nice chap.

  • How about Psalm 69? (Which is actually the title of an album by Ministry.)

  • MaleficVTwin

    Ecclesiastes 9:10

    Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might.

  • nomad

    Ah, yes. The Rev. Schnorr approach.

  • Danielle

    http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Exodus%2021:22;&version=31;

    “Exodus 21:22 (New International Version)

    22 “If men who are fighting hit a pregnant woman and she gives birth prematurely [a] but there is no serious injury, the offender must be fined whatever the woman’s husband demands and the court allows.

    Footnotes:
    Exodus 21:22 Or she has a miscarriage ”

    Lovely.

  • dwimmerlaik81

    My favorite NT verse is Galatians 4:24, wherein Paul tells his flock that the Old Testament doesn’t have to be taken literally.

  • Holly

    How about Genesis 6:4
    “The Nephilim were on the earth in those days—and also afterward—when the sons of God went to the daughters of men and had children by them. They were the heroes of old, men of renown.”

    Deluvian-age virgin births?

  • the friendly grizzly

    How about 1st Samuel Chapter 5?

  • John Morales

    1 Samuel 18:27

  • Eliza

    There are some good ones in the NT, including:

    Mark 9:1 (end is coming soon, I promise, said J.)

    Matthew 21:21 (true faith will move mountain into sea)

    Mark 6:5 (J. couldn’t do miracles)

    Luke 14:26 (gotta hate everyone but J.)

    Mark 14:51-52 (young man, nearly naked, close behind J.)

    Mark 7:33 (healing via fingers into ears, spit on tongue)

  • Eliza

    1 Corinthians 7:27 (don’t get divorced or married)

    Luke 18:20 (J. lists the comandments…all 5 of them)

  • John

    This might be fun at work if a somewhat safe reference is chosen. I mean how can any Christian really be offended by their sacred text and God’s best selling novel.

  • Mikko

    john 21.:25 doesn’t exist in the new translation of the swedish bible (year 2000)

  • I wouldn’t hold my breath waiting for your Christian friends to notice. I really don’t think most of them know anything about the Bible other than what they read in Sunday School. The whole effort will be like wetting your pants in a dark suit.

  • Look what you made me do!

    One of my facebook friends posted this:
    All a man’s ways seem right to him, but the LORD weighs the heart. Proverbs 21:2

    so I commented thus:
    Happy shall he be, that taketh and dasheth thy babies against the stones. Psalm 137

    See how long she remains my facebook friend….

  • Sean

    Whatever it takes to get people to read the Scriptures, I am for it. I actually liked reading the verses you picked out. I am a Christian and there are a lot of things/verses that don’t make sense. Me and my friends crack jokes about it all the time.
    And I agree with you, too. I am not a big fan of the overly spiritual email signatures. People with those tend to not practice it. Thanks for sharing…especially since I am like 2 years behind everyone.

  • Karidonovan100

    Those verses you quote are not out of context to us because all the Lord’s words are inspirational and lead us to deeper meaning of his kingdom plans.

    Alternatively, ANY Bible verse is out of context- for the non-believer, because you lack faith.  So, I don’t get it,  what have you proved?    You have mocked someone’s religion to a non-believer?  You have shown a believer another part of the the Bible for them to embrace?Not sure that is a valuable way to spend your energy.  Just sayin’.  Peace be with you,me   

  • Kimber Caldwell

    Isaiah 3:21 has always been my favorite!

  • That’s not a disturbing passage Vincent, you are just ignorant of its meaning. I have taught for week on it. 
    Which proves Proverbs 2:12 applies perfectly! 

  • There are three main types of Bible translations: 1. word-for-word, ( Written for sound theological study)
    2. thought-for-thought and  (Written to teach concept over literal understanding) 
    3. paraphrase.  Written to reach

    Before I responded I investigated the Swedish Bible Translation ( 2000) is a paraphrase  it not meant to be word for word so it is perfectly OK for the purpose for which it was written.

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