Evangelist: Your Circumcised Tithes Will Protect Your Family from a Faulty Tire

Self-described “prophet” Robin Bullock, who has said Jesus spoke to him after walking through a water portal and that God lives in a cube made of gelatin, spent part of an interview yesterday with the always-gullible Steve Shultz of Elijah List Ministries discussing how God rewards people who tithe.

Instead of going the typical “sow your seed” route like many televangelists, however, Bullock’s explanation involved angels, tires, and circumcision.

See, let’s just say you come into a place and you need a set of tires. You’re gonna go in and buy some tires, and you come in this store, and… if you’re a tither, as soon as you walk in the door, angels standing around that store… would say this. They would say, “Heads up, boys. Tithe money just walked in the house! Covenant circumcised money just came in the house.”

And so when you tithe, you’re circumcising your money. You’re dedicating it to God. And so… they would say, “Tithe money just walked in the house. Get him the best deal. Get him the best price. Get him the best of everything.”

And so the guy that’s gonna take your car in the back — and you’re out in the lobby — he’s back there looking at the tires. And he don’t think about nothing. But all of a sudden, he reaches up to get a tire for your car, and it has a blemish on the inside of it. And he don’t know it, and you don’t know it, but that angel knows it.

And you’re a covenant man. Your money’s circumcised. So that angel just bumps that old boy down the line, and he don’t know why, but he picks the next tire and puts that on your car, because the one with the blemish could have blown out when you were going down the interstate and killed you and your whole family. But the devourer was rebuked for your sake. And you got the best deal… and so it allows God to touch every material thing that you have. That’s the tithe.

There you have it. Circumcise your cash or your family dies. I can’t say the tactic is effective… but it’s definitely new.

And, as always, Steve Shultz had literally no follow-up questions. He just nodded along to all of that as if it’s the most obvious truth in the world.

(Thanks to Kyle and Gary for the link)