Anti-Vax Preacher: “I’ve Got a Vaccine That’ll Keep You from Eternal Damnation” June 24, 2021

Anti-Vax Preacher: “I’ve Got a Vaccine That’ll Keep You from Eternal Damnation”

Musician, filmmaker, and straight-to-bargain-bin staple David Heavener now spends all his time promoting Jesus, and that leads to weird monologues like this one where he overreacts to someone asking him if he’s vaccinated against COVID.

It helps to know he has not been vaccinated. He says he doesn’t need it because he has Jesus (which obviously doesn’t take into account how he could potentially spread COVID to other people).

Okay, so while I’m on this rant, because I walked into a motel last night… and the guy says, “Sir, have you taken the vaccine?”… And I got to thinking, wait a minute, am I gonna answer him?… What right do you have to ask me if I’ve taken the vaccine?… I said to him, I said, “Sir, I have a question for you: Have you taken the vaccine?”

He said, “Well, yes I have.”

I said, “Well, I’m talking about a particular vaccine. I’m talking about the ultimate Vaccine. What does you vaccine do for you, sir?”

“Well, it keeps me from getting COVID.”

“I’ve got a vaccine that’ll keep you from eternal damnation. Would you be interested?”

… I don’t want anybody asking me to put a mask on anymore. I don’t want anybody asking me if I have a vaccine. I’m gonna turn the tables and I’m gonna say, “Do you have God’s vaccine?”… Matter of fact, we’re gonna legalize Jesus… Jesus is not — not — illegal. He is legal and we are legalizing Jesus.

If anyone speaks Christianese, I would appreciate a translation on that last part since literally no one is banning Jesus.

Meanwhile, Heavener sounds like the worst motel guest ever, treating a perfectly normal question pertaining to public safety as a form of persecution. He’s too dumb to realize no one cares about his health, but the motel has an obligation to protect its other guests. If he’s going to put people in danger, then he should just stay in the bubble he clearly lives inside.

(via Christian Nightmares)

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