Creationist: Evolution Tells Us There Were Surfing Monkeys 34,000,000 Years Ago December 28, 2020

Creationist: Evolution Tells Us There Were Surfing Monkeys 34,000,000 Years Ago

It’s been a while since I’ve posted about Matt Powell, the budding hate-preacher who has said the government should execute gay people because the Bible says so, and that women should stop dressing like whores, and that “99% of school shootings are done by atheists,” and that it’s a “historical fact” that dinosaurs were killed in the Civil War, and that all atheists are “Coke-drinking video game addicts.”

He’s a liar is what I’m saying. A Christian liar. A very dumb Christian liar. Either that, or he’s really an atheist plant whose sole job is to make Christianity look bad. (That would be brilliant satire, actually.)

But until that last option is revealed to us, Powell is not done giving atheists fodder.

In a bizarre video posted yesterday — in a suit, outdoors in the snow, because I guess he thinks it makes him look professional? — Powell attempted to talk some sense into Christians who accept evolution because he insists the two things are not compatible.

You know what? He’s right! Religion and science contradict each other in ways that can’t be reconciled!

But he’s only angry because he believes those Christians ought to be Young Earth Creationists. And he offered up some LOGIC that should pull them right over to his side.

Listen to this comical drivel:

… We have already verified and proven that evolution is nothing more than a fairy tale, and as Christians, we should believe in scientific, logical, and rational things, not primitive superstition and fairy tales.

Now the reason that I say it’s a fairy tale — and I’ll just give you one fact in this video that why we know that evolution is a complete hoax and a fairy tale and that it’s just bizarre — is because in order for evolution to be true, monkeys would have had to surf from Africa to South America 34 million years ago on rafts.

The only way that monkeys could have got there, since they found monkey fossils there, that weren’t supposed to be there, according to evolution because monkeys were in Africa, the only way they could have got there according to evolution theory, was surfing the ocean blue.

And so if you’re an evolutionist, that’s something that you have to believe is part of the theory, otherwise evolution doesn’t work…

If you’re still going to claim to believe in evolution, but say, “No, the surfing monkeys and surfing dinosaurs is ridiculous,” that’s like being a Christian and claiming not to believe the resurrection. You know, the resurrection’s a part of Christianity, just as surfing monkeys and surfing dinosaurs is a part of evolution theory. Without it, evolution doesn’t work. Without the resurrection, Christianity doesn’t work…

It’s not even worth trying to explain why his Monkey Surfing explanation is wrong, because he’s fully convinced he understands everything about evolution. (He doesn’t.) He’s like a first-year physics student who insists Einstein got the theory of relativity all wrong. But instead of educating himself and raising his questions with experts, he slams the introductory textbook shut after reading the first chapter and acts like he’s a Ph.D. who can echo what evolutionary biologists would tell you about the subject. And then he passes it along to viewers who are even more ignorant than him.

I wish everyone believed in “scientific, logical, and rational things.” Unfortunately, Christians are often represented by guys like this, who have a superficial understanding of science but cosplay as experts.

The simple fact is no evolutionary biologist would accept his understanding of evolution as accurate. If he can’t explain what the “other side” says, he’s in no position to refute it.


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