Tennessee attorney Chris Sevier loves filing lawsuits. In 2013, he sued Apple for making computers that let him access pornography. And last year, he filed several lawsuits because he wanted to marry his computer but officials wouldn’t allow it. (Hey, after all that porn, you might as well put a ring on it.)
Sevier is making a lot of headlines today because he’s now suing four U.S. representatives, all Democrats, for daring to display a rainbow flag outside their offices. He says homosexuality is a “religion,” the rainbow flag is a symbol of that religion, and therefore putting the flag outside a congressional office is a violation of the Establishment Clause. And how DARE they treat him and his computerwife that way?
Sevier, who describes himself in the lawsuit as an “International recording artist in Electronic Dance Music” and “seasoned whistle blower,” demands that a judge force these Democrats to “at the very least also fly the flag of the polygamist, zoophilia, and machinist church or, more appropriately, to completely remove the flag from the Homosexual church altogether.”
One of the Democrats, Rep. Alan Lowenthal of California, responded by saying the flag wasn’t going anywhere: “I will fight this hateful attempt to silence equality and justice. We have come too far to allow the voices of bigotry and hate to win.”
Sevier’s porn-loving computer spouse could not be reached for comment.
Here’s where things get weirder. I went to go find the actual lawsuit in question, so I looked up Sevier’s name in the PACER system and clicked on the lawsuit… only to realize I was looking at the wrong document. And then I went back and clicked on another lawsuit… only to realize that was also a different one.
I didn’t find the flag lawsuit until my third attempt.
Well, one of the other lawsuits filed this week goes after elected officials in Colorado for not allowing Sevier to marry his computer. Again. Sevier says he self-identifies as a “machinists” [sic] but the state of Colorado won’t give him a marriage license.
He’s joined in that suit by John Gunter Jr., a “polygamists” [sic] who wants to “marry multiple wives in Colorado.”
One of those wives, also a plaintiff, is Whitney Kohl. And here’s her description:
Plaintiff Kohl was straight. She was engaged to a man. She had some traumatic experiences in dating males and elected to self-identify as a lesbian in conforming to societies messages. She legally married a woman once it was permitted only to end the marriage. She realized that being in a romantic relationship with a woman was worse than being married to a man. She now self-identifies as a polygamists…
Plaintiff Grace was born as a African American woman but self-identified as a transgender man for 18 years. She went from “Joan the woman” to “Joe the man.” She at one points really believe that she was born in the wrong body. She accepted that idea on faith. In 1992, she left that identity narrative behind completely. She now self-identifies as a polygamist. She has been persecuted relentlessly by intolerant believers in the homosexual ideological religion because her testimony is fatal to the idea that “gay rights” are “civil rights” in their opinion.
That’s the first lawsuit.
The other, filed by the same group of Plaintiffs, is against Jack Phillips, the Christian owner of Masterpiece Cakeshop, who’s already slated to appear in front of the U.S. Supreme Court later this year for refusing to make a cake for a gay couple.
Why go after him?
Because they can’t get cakes for their man-computer and polygamous marriages.
Here’s what the lawsuit says about Gunter:
… He plans to hold 38 wedding ceremonies in 38 different states to celebrate his beliefs and feelings on marriage, sex, and morality. Plaintiff Gunter put in 38 separate requests for the Defendants to design different wedding cakes for his ceremony and his request were denied because the Defendants believe that “silence in the face of evil is to cooperate with it,” just like Dietrich Bonhoeffer believed before the Nazis killed him for refusing to convert to their religious views on morality too which was culturally popular at the time in his country.
What’s a frivolous lawsuit without a Nazi reference?
Sevier also includes this line in the lawsuit to describe himself:
Because of his beliefs and values, Plaintiff Sevier has been subject to countless fake and phony controversies in different venues in the same manner that filmmaker Dinesh d’Souza experienced and for the same reason: “politics” predicated on the idea that the ends justify the means in accordance with Saul Alinsky rules for radicals tactics in the pathetic attempt to silence and discredit his positions…
… His self-asserted sex-based identity narrative or sexual orientation is that he prefers to marry a machine only to then force everyone in society to see his object of affection as his spouse. Plaintiff Sevier plans to have 38 wedding ceremonies in 38 states and specially demanding that the Defendants design 38 separate wedding cake for each one of those scheduled events, advancing Plaintiff Sevier’s gospel narrative on marriage, sex, and morality…
I know these lawsuits seem ridiculous. That’s because they are. But while everyone is laughing at the complaint about the rainbow flags, don’t let these other wacky attempts at defeating liberal logic get lost in the shuffle. They’re even more entertaining.
(Image via Facebook)