Christian Pastor Explains How to Properly Sex Up Your Woman July 7, 2017

Christian Pastor Explains How to Properly Sex Up Your Woman

Every now and then, you hear a person say something in a church service that you never expected. And I sure as hell wasn’t expecting this lengthy description of how to sex up your woman.

It comes courtesy of John Gray, an anti-LGBT pastor who works with Joel Osteen. He said it at T.D. Jakes‘ “MegaFest 2017” conference.


Every woman in here, at some point, wants a man to come home and say, “Babe, here’s $1,000. Go get your nails done. Get your hair done. Get a pedicure. Get a manicure. Here’s a box. Open this. Wear this when I get home.”

Nothing is in it. She’s like, “There’s nothing here.”

Exactly. Have that on when I get home. The bills are paid. The kids are covered. I prayed over you. Now handle what you need to handle so we can have a nice night.” Put on Luther Vandross. Put on Luther. And let’s do what we need to do. Because that’s what a woman wants, and she should want it, because God made it that way.

A few quick thoughts:

  • The words of Jesus have never rang so true…
  • Who the hell spends $1,000 on hair and nails?
  • Who the hell has $1,000 to just throw around like that? (Besides bloggers, I mean.)
  • It’s clear women don’t work outside the house in Gray’s world.
  • There are babies in the audience… which just feels weird given what he’s saying.
  • Did he start to grind on someone who just came up to him in the middle of his speech…?
  • Wouldn’t it be better if you didn’t have to throw money at your wife to get her to sleep with you?
  • The creepiest part of that whole video is how he ended it by saying this is what a woman wants because “God made it that way.” Is this what his God thinks about?
  • Remember that last thing whenever Christians say “God is watching over you.” Who knew the Almighty was into voyeurism?

The Christians at Museum of Idolatry are disturbed by the comments, in part because this is just so far removed from anything theological, but also because of what the $1,000 line signifies:

What kind of world are these people living in where you just toss $1000 at your wife to get her hair and nails done? This points to the excess of their lifestyle, often at the fleecing of their own flock and followers. All done in the name of Jesus of course.

They have a point. These men are all ridiculously wealthy, and they got that way by convincing their congregations to give them cash they can’t all afford to give up.

On the other hand, if John Gray ever asks his congregation for “seed money,” now we know what he’s talking about.

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