Pastor John Piper: Jesus Didn’t Need Porn To Get It Up for the Church, So Stop Watching It November 1, 2016

Pastor John Piper: Jesus Didn’t Need Porn To Get It Up for the Church, So Stop Watching It

Meet Pastor John Piper! He’s a Calvinist preacher and theologian with some kind of Dear Abby type thing going on, where people write in to ask for his advice on things of a religious nature. (Sometimes, he offers that advice unsolicited.)

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Recently, someone wishing to remain anonymous wrote in to his podcast asking “Pastor John, is it sinful to watch pornography with my spouse before sex?”

No surprise here: the answer was a resounding YES! Not only is it a sin, he says, it is a revolting sin. Corruption will abound! So much corruption “toward Christ, toward the spouse… and the marriage, and toward the people in the pornography.”

Piper then explained that when you hanky-panky your spouse, you are supposed to be sexing them up like Jesus sexes the church.

This act of sexual union between husband and wife is the apex of marital pleasures that represent the pure and holy pleasures between Christ and His Church. That is the meaning of sexual intercourse.

I guess that explains people saying “Oh god” during the act?

But why shouldn’t you watch pornography before getting it on? Because Jesus doesn’t need to.

When the Bible says, “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church” (Ephesians 5:25), it is inconceivable that the pleasures Christ has in the Church would be awakened and stimulated by His imaging a prostitute to get His juices flowing.

Okay… but does Jesus actually need to get his juices flowing? (Because, if so, I’ve completely misinterpreted the phrase, “Christ has risen.”)

If not porn, what gets Jesus’ motor running? According to Piper, if you really want to have sex that makes Jesus smile, you should get six inches from your partner’s face and say this:

“You have I chosen above all others. You alone are the one where I feast with pure and unsullied pleasure. I have eyes for no one but you. I do not run after other women in my mind or in my body. I am utterly devoted to you with my mind, with my eyes, with my body. You alone are my pleasure.

That’s definitely keeps things pure, I’d imagine, given that no one will ever want to have sex with you again after you say that to them. Feast? Really?! Ew. No thank you. Jesus is terrible at foreplay.

Piper added that people acting in porn are sinful (hardly surprising) and that the husband (he assumes it’s a husband) ought to apologize to his wife for being “vile” and trying to bow-chick-a-wow-wow her up in an un-Christ-like way.

Husband, if you have tempted your wife, cajoled her, lured her, persuaded her, seduced her into this pornographic delusion of marital love, you should be ashamed. You should repent now to God, and you should tell her how sorry you are for contaminating something so pure, so tender, so deep, so holy with something so vile. And yes, you should say “vile.” You need to have a word like “vile” in your vocabulary. She is not honored by this practice. She is debased. And a husband who insists on this is acting like an animal, not a husband.

And no one wants a husband who’s an animal in the sack! Heaven forbid!

Just to sum things up, remember: If Jesus didn’t need it, neither do you. Which is still a weird thing to say.

So yes, this is a sin, a revolting sin. Revolting because it blasphemes Christ as if He needed sin to help Him love his bride, because it celebrates the sickness and sin of the pornography industry, and because it insults the preciousness of a wife’s heart and body by the one above all others who should cherish and nourish her soul.

So… I’m guessing Viagra is out?

(Screenshot via YouTube)

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