If there’s a list of things no one should ever buy off of Amazon, I’m almost positive this item is somewhere near the top.
Obviously, this is intended for medical professionals and not the creepy old man next door. But let’s note a few things.
1) This product is “White” but the only other similar option the company sells on Amazon is “Medium.” I’ll let you all write your own jokes for that one.
2) A different company sells “Dark.” It’s much more expensive.
3) You have to read the “Customer Questions & Answers” part of the page. It’s full of gems like this one:
Question: We are expecting our first born next month, do I need a medical license? or can I go pro like Abraham?
Answer: Hi, We do not recommend performing any medical procedures unless you are a medical professional. Please let us know if you have any other questions. Have a nice day.
4) Even the reviews are worthwhile. Like this one from a person who gave the product only one star:
The one good thing I can say about it is there is no face, no pleading eyes to look into, as you ignore every humane instinct and force your scalpel through the baby’s genitals.
5) If you need more practice, the same company sells refills.
6) There are no female models sold. In case you were wondering just how cruel this would get.
7) There’s a five year warranty. Just in case something goes horribly, horribly wrong. Even though that also describes what would happen if everything went exactly as planned.
8) This would make a horrible baby shower gift.
(Thanks to Donna for the link)