Scott Adams, creator of the popular office-life comic strip Dilbert, has filed a disturbing report that will surely rock the science world.
While watching the Democratic National Convention, the traumatic sight of powerful women chemically altered him by lowering his testosterone and inducing a biological depression. He now fears men across America suffered the same tragic fate.
Yes, friends, vampire Dem women have the power to suck the very man-force from America, and they aren’t afraid to use it.
Adams blogged (in complete seriousness) this week that seeing powerful women at the convention left him a quivering, depressed shell of his former manly self:
But if you’re an undecided voter, and male, you’re seeing something different. You’re seeing a celebration that your role in society is permanently diminished. And it’s happening in an impressive venue that was, in all likelihood, designed and built mostly by men. Men get to watch it all at home, in homes designed and built mostly by men, thanks to the technology that was designed and built mostly by men.
I watched singer Alicia Keys perform her song Superwoman at the convention and experienced a sinking feeling. I’m fairly certain my testosterone levels dropped as I watched, and that’s not even a little bit of an exaggeration. Science says men’s testosterone levels rise when they experience victory, and drop when they experience the opposite. I watched Keys tell the world that women are the answer to our problems. True or not, men were probably not feeling successful and victorious during her act.
Let me say this again, so you know I’m not kidding. Based on what I know about the human body, and the way our thoughts regulate our hormones, the Democratic National Convention is probably lowering testosterone levels all over the country. Literally, not figuratively. And since testosterone is a feel-good chemical for men, I think the Democratic convention is making men feel less happy.
Since Adams’ current work — managing a café and producing microwavable burritos — requires the utmost journalistic neutrality, he adds that he remains scrupulously ethical by not voting: “My political views don’t align with either candidate and I don’t vote, in order to protect my objectivity.”
His objectivity, however, hasn’t stopped him from writing a series of posts admiring of Donald Trump for the past few months. Though he seems to accept the reality of anthropogenic global warming, a convenient fatalism relieves him from all responsibility:
we are doomed by climate change (say most scientists) no matter who the president is.
In Dilbert strips, you sometimes see the sad-sack office dweller cowering from his strong and tough coworker Alice (wielder of the “Fist of Death”), nervously peeking around corners at her.
Now the iconic victim of corporate America must be reinterpreted as the victim of toxic feminine forces emanating from adjacent cubicles.
How our youthful heroes fade…