Satanic activist Chaz Stevens, last seen walking around outside the site of a Republican presidential debate wearing a giant penis costume (because, he explained, Donald Trump is a dick), was back in action last night.
He delivered the invocation at a meeting of the Lauderdale-By-The-Sea (Florida) Town Commission with “Twerking Deacon of Sin” Stormie Pollard at his side. And his speech was as memorable as you’d expect.
While the video above only includes bits of the speech, Stevens sent me this transcript of his full address:
We offer thanks to the commission, clerk, and city manager for inviting Stormie, our Twerking Deacon of Sin, myself, the forces of darkness, and, of course, Satan to the meeting.
Let us bow our heads in prayer to Satan.
In nomine dei nostri Satanas, Luciferi excelsi.
In the name of Satan, Ruler of the Earth, True God, Almighty and Wicked Hot, who hast created man to reflect in thine own image and likeness, I invite the forces of darkness to bestow their infernal power upon this commission meeting.
Open the gates of hell to come forth so as to greet us, those who hath understanding, as your brothers, sisters, friends, and elected officials.
Deliver us, the good residents of Lauderdale by the Sea, people of Broward County, and this august body, o mighty Satan, from all past error and delusion. Fill us with peace, truth, wisdom, and understanding.
Keep us strong in faith and service, that we may abide always in thee with praise, honor and glory be given thee forever and ever.
Pass judgment upon those who defy and usurp your true dominion over man, and grant wisdom, peace, and compassion to those in Louisiana, Minnesota and Dallas.
Grant your favor to those in Pensacola this Thursday night who shall further spread your wings and open the eyes of man.
For those in need of further guidance, our Pocket Satan app is available for free download on the Apple and Android stores.
Hail Satan; I await a mating signal.
I await video of the Commission’s reaction to that last line.
Somehow, he acknowledged the tragic deaths of two black men and five cops while plugging his devil app. That’s… talent?
The big question, of course, is whether the Commissioners will continue invocations. If they expect to hear Christian prayers at meetings, it means occasionally granting permission to people like Stevens, too, since the law forbids local governments from discriminating on who speaks. It looks like they’re willing to put up with Stevens every once in a while for the opportunity to hear Christians most of the other weeks.
You can read about more of Stevens’ escapades right here.