If Only Jesus Really Spoke This Way…

I know I just posted one of these, but why not another one? Mallory Ortberg, who frequently rewrites Bible passages for amusement, replaced “Verily” with “Fuckin’ A.”

Psalm 66:19

“But fuckin’ A, God hath heard me; he hath attended to the voice of my prayer.”

…

John 3:3

“Jesus answered and said unto him, ‘Fuckin’ A, fuckin’ A, I say unto thee, Except a man be born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God.’”

It reads much better this way, don’t you think?

(via The Toast. Image via Shutterstock)