Try These Biblical Pick-Up Lines on Someone

Mallory Ortberg, who frequently rewrites Bible passages for amusement, offers her list of prayers that would double as pick-up lines:

“I offer myself to Thee — to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy power, Thy love, and Thy way of life. May I do Thy will always! Show me how to live.”

I’m shocked that Song of Solomon 7:12 didn’t make her list:

Let us go early to the vineyards to see if the vines have budded, if their blossoms have opened, and if the pomegranates are in bloom — there I will give you my love.

Hot stuff.

(via The Toast)