Are you looking for some vague statements regarding your past, present and future? Then do I have the product for you!
Making fun of Tarot cards feels a little like punching down. At best, I suppose it could be like a mini therapy session (albeit from an unlicensed and unqualified therapist): You kind of hear what you want to hear, and maybe a shift in perspective can help you make a decision you’ve been waffling on — more or less harmless when it comes down to it. At worst, though, it’s a huge scam that can trick unsuspecting customers out of their money.
For the most part, we can easily chalk up the majority of what Tarot readers do to Barnum statements and a general willingness to believe what we want to believe (check out this episode of Oh No Ross and Carrie for a great first-hand look at all of that). In an effort to be helpful, fellow Patheos blogger Lilith Dorsey of Voodoo Universe gave her readers nine questions they should ask before a Tarot reading. They included some general getting-to-know-you questions like:
1. How long have you been reading tarot?
4. What decks do you use?
8. Do you do spellwork or ritual work if I need additional help?
And this is all well and good, but I’d like to add some of my own questions that I think will really help you get the feel of the experience:
10. What kind of head accessories are you working with? Are we talking a head scarf? Is it shiny? What is your earring game? Big hoops or just the one long dangly earring?
11. Where did you get that boss-looking neon sign in your window? I’m just curious whether all readers go to the same place to get the signs for their garden-level storefronts or not.
12. Is that crystal ball in the corner just for effect, or…? Look, I’ve read the Harry Potter series front to back, like, four times over, so I know there’s more to Divination than just the cards. What else is in your bag of tricks? Crystal balls? Tea leaves? I feel like you’re holding out on me.
13. Which interpretation do you abide by? Just doing some light research, the High Priestess card can mean: wisdom, serenity, spirituality, sexuality, the moon, inspiration, skepticism, illumination, tradition, fertility, motherhood, secretive, influential. I’m just curious what dictionary I should bring along.
14. Do the cards hold the wisdom or do you? A little point of confusion: Is it the cards that are magic? Or do you have a magical ability to interpret them? It just seems that I should only need one or the other.
15. What do they cards sound like when they speak to you? In my head, it kind of sounds like this:
Just get back to me when you get a chance and I’ll schedule my appointment.