Alarming Reports of Global Plague of Fact-Resistant Humans October 14, 2015

Alarming Reports of Global Plague of Fact-Resistant Humans

Somehow we neglected to bring you this breaking news from earlier this year from Andy Borowitz at the New Yorker. Because of the gravity of the situation, we correct that now:

Scientists have discovered a powerful new strain of fact-resistant humans who are threatening the ability of Earth to sustain life, a sobering new study reports.

The research, conducted by the University of Minnesota, identifies a virulent strain of humans who are virtually immune to any form of verifiable knowledge, leaving scientists at a loss as to how to combat them.

“These humans appear to have all the faculties necessary to receive and process information,” Davis Logsdon, one of the scientists who contributed to the study, said. “And yet, somehow, they have developed defenses that, for all intents and purposes, have rendered those faculties totally inactive.”

With this alarming variation of Homo sapiens, information is taken in, but then discarded without internal absorption. Worse, this virulent immunity to evidence could be strengthening.

Logdon is discouraged, says Borowitz, but allows this bright ray of hope:

“Our research is very preliminary, but it’s possible that they will become more receptive to facts once they are in an environment without food, water, or oxygen,” he said.

It’s unfortunate, however, that once the air and water are gone, there will be no more scientists to report whether it worked.

I suspect most of us here at Friendly Atheist share a similar response to the news:

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