I Called Touch ‘Em All Ministries and This Is What Happened

A lot of people have been sending me this image of a Christian ministry’s vehicle… for a very obvious reason:

They are seriously named “Touch ‘Em All Ministries.” TEAM is a group “dedicated to sharing the Gospel of Jesus Christ with participants at sporting events.”

It’s easy to make jokes about the name — I’ve come up with seven while writing this post — but I figured it’d be more interesting to give them a call to see if they could explain the thought process behind it.

I mean, someone had to say to them, “This might be a bad idea…,” right?

I didn’t record it, but we just got off the phone, and this is a pretty close reenactment of how our conversation went:

TEAM: Hello?

Me: Hi! This is Hemant from FriendlyAtheist.com. I saw this image floating around the Internet and I was wondering: How did you all come up with your name?

TEAM: That’s the name God gave it.

Me: Sure… but someone had to fill out the paperwork at some point. Who did that?

TEAM: Ask God. He has all the answers.

Me: That really doesn’t tell me anything.

TEAM: Yes it does.

Me: …

TEAM: Who are you again?

Me: Hemant from Friendly Atheist. I’m seriously trying to understand where the ministry’s name came from.

TEAM: You’ll have to speak with someone else.

Me: Not a problem. Who should I talk to?

TEAM: God.

Me: *sigh*… God told me to talk to you.

TEAM: Is that right?

Me: Totally. He sent me to your website. I got the number and gave you a call.

TEAM: Well, I’m glad he sent you to our website.

Me: And who am I speaking with?

TEAM: Bob.

Me: Do you have a last name, Bob?

TEAM: Ask God. That’s all you’re gonna get from me.

Me: …

TEAM: [Hangs up]

If someone has God’s number, let me know. Maybe I can get a straight answer from Him.