Glenn Beck: God’s Our Dad and He’s Coming Upstairs! We Better Have Our Teeth Brushed and Pajamas On! July 6, 2015

Glenn Beck: God’s Our Dad and He’s Coming Upstairs! We Better Have Our Teeth Brushed and Pajamas On!

Over the weekend, Glenn Beck spoke at Pastor Ed Young‘s Fellowship Church in Texas. While most of the storylines were about how Beck, a Mormon, was speaking at a Christian megachurch — heresy! — I’m more interested in the content of his sermon. And Beck did not disappoint.

He explained how God’s relationship with us is sort of like his own relationship with his kids. When it’s time for his children to brush their teeth and go to bed, they better be ready for him! (Watch at the 20:45 mark)

The Lord is coming. It is time to wake up and stand up. It’s like me with my kids. My kids will yell and scream back at each other, and I’ll tell ’em to go upstairs and get their teeth brushed, put on their pajamas, get ready for bed. I’ll be up in about 10 minutes. And I’ll hear them screwing around upstairs.

And I’ll call up and I’ll say, “I’m coming up in a minute! You better have everything done!”

“I’m coming up!”

When I get up there, I do not care who started it. I don’t care if my daughter says my son has been doing something. I don’t care! Did you do what I asked you to do?

He’s our dad, and He’s coming! He’s on the stairs now! And I recommend we all have our teeth brushed, and our PJs on, and we get our butts into bed, and do what He told us to do.

It’s good parenting advice. Weird analogy, though, especially when you consider God’s priorities according to conservative Christians.

Hey kids, I’m coming up in a minute! You better not be in bed with someone of the same sex!

Hey kids, I’m on the stairs! You better have voted Republican!

Hey kids, I’m watching you! Don’t you dare be reading a science book!

If we’re comparing God to a literal father, I think Louis CK was far more accurate.

(Thanks to Kyle for the link)

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