Mücahid Cihad Han, a Muslim televangelist who hosts a TV show in Turkey, received a viewer’s question last week concerned masturbation. The viewer said he enjoyed it despite being married, even touching himself when he visited Mecca.
In response, a flustered Han said that masturbation is a sin. And if you keep it up, your hands will be pregnant in the afterlife.
After repeating the question a few times, Han claimed that Islam strictly prohibits masturbation as a “haram” (forbidden) act. “Moreover, one hadith states that those who have sexual intercourse with their hands will find their hands pregnant in the afterlife, complaining against them to God over its rights,” he said, referring to what he claimed to be a saying of Prophet Muhammad.
“If our viewer was single, I could recommend he marry, but what can I say now?” the televangelist added, advising the viewer to “resist Satan’s temptations.”
So many thoughts here…
Your uterus isn’t in your hand.
Pregnancy isn’t a punishment.
Masturbation isn’t a sin.
What if you masturbate a lot? Will you have multiple children?
If your hand gets pregnant for masturbating, why not keep doing it, since you’re already being punished?
How long does a hand-pregnancy last?
How would your hands give birth? Would you just shoot out the child like Spiderman does with a web?
What would happen if a guy fingered a woman instead? If a hand can get pregnant, can a finger or two impregnate someone? And if that’s the case, what happens when I do this?
This gives the Vulcan salute a whole new meaning…
As one website put it, I guess you would have to raise that kid single-handedly.