Why, God? Why? Why-Why-Why-Why-Why? May 20, 2015

Why, God? Why? Why-Why-Why-Why-Why?

Later That Same Day

“Thank the Me! They’re finally gone. Appreciate all your help, Luce. You did a great job. Here’s your fifty bucks.”

“Thanks, amigo. Anytime.”

“Man, did you see the looks on their faces when they came out of the bushes? I thought I was gonna mess my gown when I saw those fig bikinis. I mean, what the fuck?”

“Hey, speaking of fucks, what was that ‘On thy belly shalt thou go’ stuff all about?”

“Well, you know, I had to get tough on you to make the con look good. You didn’t mind, did you?”

“Nah, I understood what you were doing but, dude, I’m a snake. Slithering around down here is kind of what I do. Frankly, I just thought You might have devised a more creative punishment. Like terminal jock itch or something. I mean, what would I scratch with?”


“Yeah, I know. And dust? I’m eating dust now? Is that for realsies?”

“It’s just a metaphor for obeisance, dude. Don’t take it so seriously.”

“You and your You-damn metaphors. Just once I wish you’d say what’s on your mind.”

“Sorry. Force of habit. There’s a lot of politics back at the office and I don’t want to nuke my pension by accidentally offending some secretary.”

“True that. So what are You going to do with the Garden now? Gonna try again?”

“Nah. Frankly, I’m burned out on this whole ‘new species’ thing.”

“I know. I saw the platypus.”

“Don’t remind me. By the end of Day Six I’d run out of placental reproductive units so I had to improvise. That’s why I shipped all the marsupials to Australia where no one will ever find them.”

“I dunno. Maybe it’s just the dust talking but someone might get the idea that evolution had something to do all those kangaroos bouncing around out there.”

“Evolution? That there’s heresy talk where ah come from, pardner.”

“Funny man. Anyone ever tell You You’re a funny man? Okay, I’m outta here. This dinero’s burning a hole in Daddy’s cloaca and it can only be extinguished with vodka.”

“Sorry, muchacho. It’s Sunday. All the liquor stores are closed.”

“Fuckin’ Baptists.”

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