There’s nothing more entertaining than watching Creationists argue over the specifics of how God created the world. Answers in Genesis even publishes “research” papers where they duke out their theories. The best part is that you don’t need to do any actual science to get published. You just have to pull shit of a different odor out of your ass.
For example, after Dr. Bruce Gordon, an Old Earth Creationist who doesn’t take the Book of Genesis literally, said there’s no way God could’ve created so many things on the Sixth Day, here’s how Young Earth Creationist Ashby L. Camp responded, referencing an older paper:
… the suggestion that too much occurred on Day 6 to fit within an ordinary day is exposed as a mere assertion. The point is made colorfully in [J.B.] Jordan’s response to another old-earth creationist’s rhetorical question of who can imagine so much activity occurring within a single day. He writes:
Well, anyone can imagine it:
- 6:00 am God makes the animals.
- 6:01 am God takes counsel with Himself to make man.
- 6:02 am God makes Adam. Forming him of dust takes one minute.
- 6:05 am After talking with Adam for a minute or so, God starts to plant the Garden.
- 6:10 am The Garden is completed.
- 6:11 am God puts Adam in the Garden.
- 6:12 am God warns Adam about the forbidden tree.
- 6:13 am Adam has breakfast.
- 6:30 am God reveals His decision to make Eve.
- 6:31 am God brings the animals to Adam to name. They are brought by “kinds,” so not every specific species, let alone every individual, is brought. Let’s say that it takes Adam eight hours to name them all, male and female, with a half-hour lunch break. (This is probably far too long at the time.) This brings us to–
- 3:00 pm Adam takes a nap.
- 3:28 pm Adam wakes up and meets Eve.
- 3:29 pm God speaks to Adam and Eve (Genesis 1:28–30).
- 3:30 pm We still have two and a half hours to sunset.
Now, what’s so hard about that?…
Well, I’ll be damned. It all makes sense now.
I especially love 6:01 and 6:02… God talks to himself for a minute, then takes another minute to sculpt a man out of dust. But planting the garden after that takes a full five minutes. And breakfast takes 17. Eating is much more complicated than creating a human. And then at 3:30p, everyone just chills out for a couple of hours.
It’s called science, you guys.
At every turn, I find Gordon’s arguments and interpretations of Scripture to be exceedingly weak and contrary to the historical understanding of the church. It is as though he comes to the text with preconceived notions of what it must mean and then forces the text into that mold. And he does so with no sense of humility, no sense that he might be twisting the word of God, but rather with a triumphalism that declares people like me and great theologians of the past to be exegetical rubes who lack the sophistication to see with his clarity. He lectures us to abandon our rudimentary analysis and to grow up into his robust grammatical-historical methodology, but I see very little to commend in his approach.
These people have no sense of irony, do they?
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