The Onion has the harrowing account of an existential dilemma faced by God-believer Blake Dunphy, a lifeguard who
… found himself mentally shackled by the question of whether to save a swimmer currently thrashing for his life or allow destiny to take its course unfettered.
“Though this man sputters and flails before my eyes and the path to his salvation lies readily before me, the broader question remains: Who am I, a mere earthly being of flesh and blood, to determine whether my fellow man lives or dies?” Dunphy mused, wondering if it was not, ultimately, the hand of fate that placed an inexperienced swimmer in the deep end in the first place.
“Surely a decision of such existential import rests solely on the shoulders of an all-knowing, all-seeing god, which I certainly can’t in good conscience pretend to be.”
Dunphy’s shift ended before he had time to settle on an answer. No word on whether the victim had expired by then.
(Image via Shutterstock)