I Can’t Take This Movie About Two Christian Virgins Seriously July 19, 2014

I Can’t Take This Movie About Two Christian Virgins Seriously

I don’t know if I’m in a bad mood. Maybe I’m just in a bad mood. But I got angry watching this trailer for a new Christian movie about two virgins who wait until marriage to get it on. It turns out the guy’s getting deployed the day after the wedding, so they only have one night to make sweet, sweet, Jesus-y love… but they keep hitting obstacles every time they try:

Why can’t they just do it right there?

I know I’ve only seen the trailer, and I know I’m not really the target audience, but I’ll go ahead and tell you why the movie doesn’t work for me.

The premise is dumb.

I don’t feel bad for these characters at all. They chose to wait, and now they’re upset because everything’s not completely perfect on Night One? Too. Damn. Bad.

Maybe they shouldn’t have waited if they knew the guy was being deployed.

Maybe they shouldn’t have treated sex like it was the reward for marriage.

Maybe they should stop trying to make everything perfect and just jump each other on the porch of that locked house.

I don’t know how this movie ends. Maybe they do end up having sex. Or maybe they realize being with each other emotionally is more important that what they do with their bodies. Or maybe they decide to wait a little longer until the guy comes back home. Or maybe the guy dies in the war and they regret their stupid decision and everyone in the audience demands their money back.

Or maybe I’m just in a bad mood.

(via Christian Nightmares)

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