Jesus Christ Sends a Message in a Cheesecake December 27, 2013

Jesus Christ Sends a Message in a Cheesecake

A cheesecake comes out of the oven, it cools, and a crack on the top forms in the vague shape of a cross. Is it just an accident? Did someone just cut the shape into the cake? Or, as reporter Daniel Clark seems to ask without a trace of irony, “is this Jesus Christ coming back and showing support for this family’s religious beliefs?”

Now, don’t worry yourself that this sign from the great beyond might be consumed.

Family members say they won’t be eating the cheesecake. Instead they plan on selling it and donating the money to a local charity or church.

Oh, thank goodness.

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  • Glasofruix

    One would think that the return of jesus would be announced by something different than an image of a torture device…

  • Achron Timeless

    As a mouse, I think this is a divine sign to worship Cheesus!

  • Sometimes when I see stories like this I briefly wish there really was a Jesus that totally enjoys trolling his followers.

  • “is this Jesus Christ coming back and showing support for this family’s religious beliefs?”
    What a silly question. I’ve baked pastries before which have cracked in the form of a cross but I’ve never thought anything of it. Perhaps I should have considered that it was a sign that Jesus was coming back to tell me I was a careless baker!

  • Achron Timeless

    I’d picture it more of them dying, and there he is, waiting with the cheesecake.. throws it in their face and they fall into hell.

  • That pie is only a torture device if, like me, you’re diabetic.

  • Art_Vandelay

    Actually, that’s not a crucifix, Mr. Reporter. Just a lowercase t. A crucifix would have a bloody Jewish carpenter nailed to it.

  • Dave

    God, the creator of the universe, omnipotent and immortal, existing outside of space and time, announces his existence again, by making a funny shape in a cheese cake.
    “Yesterday I did the tie dyed shirt thing and today I did the cheesecake. How can humans doubt my existence?” – god

  • CryoFly

    That is just the mark of Jesus, who knows not how to write ‘J’. I believe in Zorro who knows how to scald his mark.

  • God’s Starship

    There goes God again, communicating in the most indirect and ineffectual way possible. I’m worried about that guy.

  • Turn off the autoplay!

    Don’t need this batshit spouting off every time I come to this page for the next day or two.

  • allein

    They need to add some cherry pie filling…

  • Kingasaurus

    “I think he said, ‘Blessed are the Cheese-makers’.”

  • Nikke
  • “Is this Jesus Christ coming back and showing support for this family’s religious beliefs?”

    No, it’s a sign that you overcooked your cheesecake and then let your pie cool too quickly. Next time leave it in the oven with the door cracked open.

  • more compost

    Any time any shape made of shadows even slightly resembles a man, IT’S JAYSUS!

    Any time any shape made of shadows even slightly resembles a woman, IT’S MAYREE!

    Any time any shape made of shadows, or in this case cracks, even slightly resembles a cross, IT’S JAYSUSSES CROSS! Of course, the commenter mislabels it a crucifix.

    Don’t these people realize how silly it makes them look, how silly it makes their religion look?

    That was a trick question. I know that they are too clueless to realize.

  • EuropeanCommunist

    Family members say they won’t be eating the cheesecake. Instead they
    plan on selling it and donating the money to a local charity or church.

    Hm, looks delicious, do they do international shipping?

  • Matthew Baker

    The only sign is that they may have cooked the cheesecake at a too high temperature, baked it too long, didn’t use a waterbath or let it cool down too quickly.

  • Stan

    Cheese-us Christ!

  • Dave

    Those bloody Jewish carpenters, you can never find one when you need one.

  • TerranRich

    Is there any way to NOT have the video play automatically when you embed it on the site?

  • What is it about God always making his presence known in high calorie, high carbohydrate foods? Meanwhile, right now 18,000 kids are gasping their last breaths as they die of starvation today. How about making his presence known to them in the form of 18,000 cheesecakes?

  • Jan’s Sushi Bar

    You beat me to it.

  • Richard Thomas

    Hot air rises, causing cracks in the crust. Jesus also rose. Checkmate, atheists.

  • So a comparison between Jesus and hot air. Works for me.

  • Matto the Hun

    I’ll be impressed if the cracks form a Star of David, Star & Crescent, of the Face of Hitchens (blessed be his name*)

    *That’s a fuckin’ joke… cool your fuckin’ jets.

  • I was going to post the same thing. I had to replay it to make sure I heard him properly. How can any sort of rational person even come to that sort of conclusion.

  • Sue (Yet, She Persisted) Blue

    Because Roman torture instruments only appear in poorly-made, half-baked foods, just like these signs seem to appear only to people with half-baked minds.

  • LesterBallard

    Please give the money to a worthy charity, not a church.

  • It’s Finn sending a message from heaven. He did worship Cheesus.

  • Sennju

    Aww, you beat me to it!
    Brilliant sketch.

  • Slaughter

    There’s a big difference between “Jesus Christ, my cheesecake split!” and “Jesus Christ split my cheesecake!”

  • smoochie

    “Reporting for, I’m an utter failure as a human being.”

  • Glasofruix

    That video is autoplaying, it is not an acceptable bahaviour.

  • ……….


    You answered your own question when you asked “rational”.

  • Jeff

    “Instead they plan on selling it and donating the money to a local charity or church.”

    “charity OR church.”

    At least they understand that those two are different.

  • Frederick Rhine

    Everything happens for a reason! Obviously the cross-shaped crack in the cheesecake is part of His divine plan! (rolls eyes)

  • TravellingBeard

    You know, if that cross cracked upside down, it would have been sacrilicious, especially with some bright cherry or raspberry compote oozing out.

  • WallofSleep

    Pffft! Amateurs. That’s clearly Pontius Pilate saying “You’re next, mother fucker”.

  • BoGardiner

    No one’s mentioned yet what I find the most striking aspect of this story. Which is, that a cross-shaped crack on a cheesecake is currently being reported by hundreds of news outlets across the nation, from San Francisco to the Boston Globe, by Associated Press, and will no doubt soon go global.

    What depressing conclusions about humanity might we deduce from that fact?

  • Then this clearly is the mark of Thor!

  • Patrick Dunn

    A cross-shape is a pretty low bar for a communication. Let’s see, it also looks like a lopsided X, a skinny sword, or the intersection of any two streets, anywhere.

  • A3Kr0n

    azcentral looks like a pretty massive news site of some kind. I can’t believe that they would publicly air a cheesecake splitting, and someone wondering if it was a sign from God. That’s completely irrelevant reporting, yet there it is.

  • Lark62

    I’d say a cracked cheesecake is a pretty lame sign, especially since the sender is supposed to be the all-powerful creator of the universe.

    Isn’t it really caused by not enough moisture during baking?

  • What do you expect from a country where 3 out of 4 people believe Angels are real.

  • GubbaBumpkin

    AIIIEEEEEEEE! An auto-play video on the front page. Make it stop. Maaaake IIIIIt Staaaaahp!

  • Michael
  • Liz Erbe Wilcox

    And some years ago I came unto thee as a grilled cheese sandwich.

  • tinker

    I may get into the cheesecake baking business if they are able to sell it for a prophet.

  • Bill Santagata

    Yes. Any baker worth his salt knows you *always* bake a cheesecake with a water bath in the oven (a baking dish with hot water in it) underneath the cheesecake.

  • unbound55

    You’d think even the believers would have issues with these events. According to their mythology, God created the universe, then flooded the world, then killed several nations and races, then Jesus came along and pulled a few magician-level tricks, and now the best God can conjure is showing up on cheesecake and toast?

    Doesn’t this mean, to a believer, that their God is simply losing power?

  • squinney

    Oh my fukin GOD! How can people be so STUPID?

  • Marie Alexander


  • Rob P

    I have been a fool wasting my life. How could I have been so blind? I now sincerely and with all my heart BELIEVE!!!!!!
    I totally believe that is just a crack formed from the cheesecake cooling.

  • Pati Beardsley

    They call it SCIENCE, People!!!!

  • Karen Glammeyer Medcoff

    how pathetic

  • David McNerney

    Actually, I think he was referring to any manufacturer of dairy products.

  • Karen Glammeyer Medcoff

    I did that and mine still cracked. I think I overbeat the batter though

  • Richard Thomas

    Hot air is found in the tropics. Tropical air is filled with water vapor. Water came out of Jesus when they poked him in the side on the cross. Checkmate x2

  • newavocation

    The new religious question for today. Ok, Who cut the cheese?

  • quasibaka

    I stop visiting sites that autoplay videos usually . Hope this does not become a habit .
    Please for the love of the one true pasta stop !

  • quasibaka

    He needs to take one of those self-help seminars which help you communicate better ;D

  • Bill Santagata

    That’ll do it…over-beating incorporates air which expands in the heat of the oven…or err…causes Jesus to swoop in and rough it up.

  • Hemant goes on honeymoon and the site goes to hell.
    That is a joke btw 🙂

  • But they claim to be rational is the sad part.

  • Jeff


  • TheShadow

    Well, causing devastating natural disasters hasn’t appeared to get your attention, so maybe ruining a few baked goods will!

  • Aerial View

    So if you’re diabetic and lactose intolerant, hell turns out to be the land of milk and honey?

  • $925105

    Apparently this was the fundy’s first time in a kitchen if they never experienced things like this. I’m guessing so since it’s pretty hard to mess up a cheesecake. Most likely whoever did this bent the cake so the cracks form.

  • My first reaction was “Get thee to an America’s Test Kitchen

  • Willy Occam

    I can do this trick with only TWO degrees of separation: Hot air is filled with water vapor; Jesus turned water into wine. Checkmate x3!

  • EdmondWherever

    What? What is everyone’s problem? If I were divine, this is TOTALLY how I would send messages to humanity.

  • EdmondWherever

    As punishment, I’ll have to send them a hurricane! To a hurricane system area, during hurricane season. I can’t imagine how I could be clearer!

  • Mario Strada

    The other day I was playing around with Google maps and as usual I zoomed in my house in satellite view.

    Imagine my surprise when I realized that the intersection between my street and the one at the end of my block FORMED A CRUCIFIX!!!

    What else it can be but a sign from GOD?
    But wait, there is more: I also realized that my driveway forms another cross when it meets the street I live on! God is everywhere!

  • UWIR

    You mean, Jesus inspired them to bend the cake so the cracks form.

  • FriendlySkeptic

    Came for this. It’s not a religious sign from God. It’s a sign that you’re a shit baker of cheesecakes.

  • Robster

    So, nailing the poor bugger up on a stick on a dry middle eastern hill is not enough. Now he’s baked goods and just as apparent as the rest of his regular stuff by remaining invisible and completely silent. The catholics perhaps could take a cue from the jesus cheesecake and expand their Sunday menu offerings past the wine and cracker tradition. Raspberry cordial and cheesecake would certainly be an improvement over what they’ve got on offer presently. They could advertise it as a diet food too, “the calories are as non existent as jesus so you won’t be wearing your faith on your hip”.

  • rasungod0

    Its laminin all over again…

  • Stephen

    Well I’m convinced.

  • Bake Fiend

    They overcooked that Cheesecake! Take it out of the oven before it cracks,ppl!

  • sara

    Jesus’ message was that they let their dessert cool too quickly?

  • Raising_Rlyeh

    It just shows me that they didn’t use a water bath. Hypothetically would it be wrong to take advantage of the religious pareidolia that people experience with such things? I mean if people are willing to pay 200K for a grilled cheese that they think looks like a man would it be wrong to indulge them?

  • tubi11

    Even Finn Hudson understood that one.
    Too soon?

  • Itarion

    It’s not ruined, it still tastes fine. Or it would, if these people would suck it up and chow down.

  • Itarion

    Waste of a delicious cheesecake. Look, if they don’t want to eat it, my family would love to have it.

  • Itarion

    Umm… No. You just have to make sure the phrasing is right, and that the image is such that it could conceivably be described as humanoid.

    Like “the fuzzy outline of Cheesus is this year old Swiss.” Yours for just 3 easy payments of $333.33

  • onamission5

    Oh sure, that could totally be the new thing Jesus does to show support for Jesus believers, he cracks people’s baked goods into the shape of a crudely drawn lower case T.
    Or, people should trust the baking instructions on their new recipe and don’t over bake the poor cheese pie just because it still seems gooey when the timer goes off. Turn off the oven, leave it cracked a bit, and walk away for the love of maude, just walk away.

  • If this is a miracle, then every plate of spaghetti and meatballs served in every Italian restaurant is a miracle for the Flying Spaghetti Monster! Millions, billions, maybe even trillions of miracles! Ramen!

  • Julie Smiley

    LMAO……but wait, maybe they have it upside down………

  • Leiningen’s Ants

    They can claim to be Napoleon too for all the difference it makes to reality.

  • Looks much more like the Super Smash Brothers logo.

  • Fentwin

    Does this mean that the Cheesecake Factory is now a holy site or a seething den of blasphemy?

  • trj

    All part of his grand plan.

  • Derullandei

    My sarcasm meter. You broke it.

  • eonL5

    Everyone wants to feel special in this overpopulated world of ours. For that family, a cheesecake is their best way to get that feeling. Kind of sad, when you think about it.

  • Octoberfurst

    That was brilliant! Thanks for sharing!

  • skinnercitycyclist

    The “story” has to be a Poe…

  • CryoFly

    That is a reminder for all of us as to what our duty is during the holidays… whenever we get any holiday.

  • Steve Caldwell

    The cake is a lie.

  • brianmacker

    What duty do you refer too? Our duty to get a vasectomy for Easter so we don’t breed like an Easter rabbit and have kids we can’t support? Perhaps you refer to our duty to buy our kid’s a car on Christmas now that we can now afford to because we didn’t have six to eight children or more?

    I’m not sure those are duties but they have a heck of a lot more to do with what I’m responsible for than some starving kid on the other side of the planet.

    How exactly do you think a duty arises regarding such a kid. Also if you think it is your duty then why haven’t you moved into a shack so you can support these kids. Seems you have millions of such duties, and you seem to be slacking.

    You have a lot of explaining to do. I understand how Christian charity works to a certain extent. It’s a commandment from god to help the poor and you just don’t question god. He didn’t seem to differentiate on where the poor reside. I don’t know how other atheist who speak of such duties think they arise.

    I do think duties to help others can arise but not in a way that requires me to actually go out of my way to help someone on the other side of the planet I never met.

    If it were a duty then they really don’t need to thank me for my help either. I’m just doing what I’m supposed to do. I don’t see it that way. If I help them they damn well better be grateful, or I will stop.

  • brianmacker

    Or a water stain under a urinal. My favorite is the one on the dog’s ass.

  • Publilius

    We always watch that movie on Christmas Eve. Always look on the bright side of life.

  • WingedBeast

    One thing to jump out at me, it’s not a crucifix, as the reporter claimed. It’s the vague cross shape. In order for it to be a crucifix, there’d have to be cracks forming the image of a man hanging on the cross.

  • It beats Jesus bringing back my amputeed right big toe. Guess he decided to reveal himself with cheesecake. LOL

  • Elan

    Clearly a “t” for TIME TO LEAVE! It means the rapture is soon, friends.

  • Drew M.

    It’s upside down. Someone is upset they went with cheesecake instead of devil’s food.

    (And I hear him say “Cheesus,” not Jesus.)

  • MKW

    Would you be one? They nailed the last one to a crucifix.

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