Footloose 2013: Krumping, Tutting, Flexing, and Turfing Are The Devil’s Way To Lead Your Soul to Hell December 27, 2013

Footloose 2013: Krumping, Tutting, Flexing, and Turfing Are The Devil’s Way To Lead Your Soul to Hell

Were you aware? Dancing to any music but God’s is an invitation to the devil, according to this minty-fresh YouTube video.

Non-Christian dancers and performers become puppets and slaves to the devil through the rhythm of the devil’s music. … [They] get their inspiration for their dance movements from Satan. Satan uses your body through dance to get you to glorify him and to glorify sin instead of Jesus, and he will eventually take your soul to hell when you die.

So just to be safe, try shuffling (not krumping, turfing, or twerking!) to Glory Be To God On High and Christ Enthroned in Highest Heaven, and let us know how you make out.

(On second thought, don’t make out either. That way lies Beelzebub, and possibly Apep, Kabandha, and Bhaal.)

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  • allein

    What the hell is turfing? Or tutting?
    (can’t watch video at work)

  • kielc

    Yup. We were not allowed to dance in my high school. No school dances at all for this very reason. Today they have school dances, though, so apparently there’s no fighting the Devil anymore.

  • You know that Baptists don’t allow their members to have sex standing up, right? Because it could lead to dancing!

  • Brian K

    They’re all going to laugh at you!

  • paulalovescats

    I KNOW twerking is the devil.

  • Michael Waldrep

    Dancing suggestively is an invitation to rape, so guys aren’t responsible for what they do. Give me a break!

  • William Avery

    OMFSM! Did I hear thar aright? Les Twins are in league with Satan?

  • Octoberfurst

    Ahh this brings back memories! When I was growing up a fundie I would hear sermons on how “evil” rock music and dancing were. Rock music was Satan’s music and dancing lead to demonic possession. You were only supposed to listen to Christian songs like “The Old Rugged Cross” Or “Jesus Loves Me.” They didn’t trust modern Christian music because it still had a “Satanic beat”–whatever the hell that meant. (Even as a fundie kid I found the idea of just listening to old hymns really boring. I secretly loved rock music.) Of course classical music was considered ok too. But nothing else!

  • gusbovona

    For the record, I lasted 2:18 into the video. Life is too short.

  • gusbovona

    And we all know what the beat represents, eh? Wynton Marsalis has a great line about the beat as repetition; (paraphrase) “I don’t care what kinky thing you’re into, at some point you’ve got to do the same thing over and over again.”

  • The Jewish version of the joke is funnier.

  • viaten

    They didn’t cover polka, waltz, and other ballroom dances. Are they satanic or not?

  • allein

    I don’t trust modern Christian music because it sucks.
    Also, do they know a lot of classical composers were atheists/freethinkers? FFRF’s radio show features a lot of them.

  • Matthew Baker

    Some days I go looking for the Rabbit Hole some days I just happen to fall in to it. Today I fell in and came out somewhere in the 50s. Some where around the start of the modern self-appointed moral guardian movement.

  • Pitabred

    Definitely Satanic! Those dances are hard to do… 😉

  • MN Atheist

    So because the bible says you should dance for god…it means that you can’t dance at all without worshiping at the same time…well crapola. Speaking of crap, you should probably make sure you are glorifying god next time you sit down on the old throne…Crapping in any other manner is the devils work. Can’t be too careful people!

  • allein

    Polka is.

  • WallofSleep

    For the majority of my life, I have listened to as much Satanic music (that is any music not entirely devoted to Jesus) as I could, and I still can’t dance for shit.

    But hey, Lucifer is a busy deity, right? I mean, it’s not his fault if he can’t take time out of his schedule to teach a few steps to a rhythmless white guy like me. Ah, fuck him anyway. Stuck-up asshole.

  • Donatello

    I bet back in the 9th century someone declared those new-fangled Gregorian chants to be Satan’s work, too.

  • WallofSleep

    Because I must…

  • Bob Jase

    The one true path top heaven would be more accessible if Jesus and his minions weren’t blocking the way.

  • Bob Jase

    Wonder if square and country-line dances are also evil? Considering they usually involve cosplay I think they should be.

  • trj

    Only biblically approved dancing can be allowed. Like when David danced half-naked in front of those serving girls (2 Sam 6). Or was that fully naked; the Bible can’t seem to agree with itself. Anyway, good wholesome dancing like God intended.

  • chanceofrainne

    I recall as a kid finding a Chick tract (or similar) in the back seat of a school friend’s mom’s van. Being a curious and voracious reader, I opened the little comic book to find pictures of mysterious and terrifying robed and hooded figured standing around a pentagram drawn on the floor. In the center of the pentagram was an altar, and upon hat rested… a rock music record!!! (Cue gasp)

    A footnote warned me that in real life the witches who were about to imbue that record with satanic power would be naked. I, as a curious and relatively intelligent 8-year-old, immediately rolled my eyes and pitched that stupid tract back into the floor where it belonged.

  • quasibaka

    Hey there , generalizations are not cool.
    There are a few ‘modern’ christian bands which are pretty good .
    Modern is just a relative to the time you live in .

    BTW , there are certain churches which ban Beethovan and Bach(who wrote some religion inspired pieces IIRC) for being atheist.

  • viaten

    I’m pretty sure they lead to group sex and orgies.

  • J. Anderson Thompson, the author of “Why We Believe in God(s): A Concise Guide to the Science of Faith”, gives an interesting talk on how Dance is a fundamental part of the human drives that give rise to religion. I’m not finding a version on YouTube, but maybe someone else has better Google-fu than I.

  • Randay

    Most, if not all, classical music composers used themes from folk music in their compositions. Usually that folk music was tied to dancing. So are these xians going to do away with Brahms, Mozart, et al?

  • Poe.

  • dullsteamer

    Fuck me drunk! This video – it’s a piss-take, isn’t it? It can’t be serious, can it?

    And I know you shouldn’t mock the afflicted, but what’s the story with April’s apparent inability to pronounce the word “christian”? It comes out sounding more like “crishyun”. Braces? Speech impediment? Barking madness?

  • Randay

    Try Here is a link. It is long so it might not work but is easy to find.

  • Guest

    Miley 4:69 says “Twerk thee not, for surely Satan lives in thy foam finger.” Proof enough for me.

  • well, it’s all subjective. but i have yet to hear a xtian ‘rock’ song that i like.

  • this comment compels me to add to the conversation the question of race.

    for many years, “dancing leads to Satan” types believed so because danceable music was frequently made by scary black people. when black people were freed and became able to make something other than gospel and religious music, they started making ragtime and jazz and all sorts of other ‘vulgar’ sounds… that white kids really liked! even the term “rock and roll” is black slang for making love. my (white) father was raised by atheists, but even he had to sneak over to the other side of town to buy “race music.” in slave days, black people used drums and african rhythms to communicate with each other in ways whites could not understand, using old african traditions passed down the generations. of course, they were ‘heathen’ forms and white masters would beat and kill slaves if they caught them drumming. because Satan.

  • L.Long

    All pagan folk dancing was condemned at one time or other, but the folks shoved it up the xtian’s Aholes until they gave in. Until they all became the prissy dances done in the midEvil Ages. Then the worse satan inspired dancing ever was invented and outright outlawed by the RCC…. Before Rock’nRoll there was the satanic Strauss Waltz!!!! Glory Be! They were touching their bodies together!!!! Shame!!!! There are no words bad enough to describe the absolute BS stupidity of the xtians.

  • katiehippie

    It’s very cool to see these dance styles. I wish I could do them.
    I’m laughing about the clips from The Ten Commandments. Because that movie was all biblical and all, ya know.

  • katiehippie

    I hadn’t realized that satanists included Kanye (because he went to see King Tut’s tomb), Madonna (because she is wearing a jacket with a pyramid on it), Beyonce (because she is in an “Egyptian” pose) and Michael Jackson (MJ in a satanist robe practicing witchcraft) WTF

  • StaceyKemerer

    As a former professional dancer I’ve heard all of these arguments before (admittedly, I only made it about 10 minutes into the video, because it was all so familiar) This woman is a bit more confrontational than most people who were talking to me, but the message is the same. Its all crap, its always been crap and it is being repeated by people who don’t know anything about dance except that they feel dirty watching it, so therefore it must be dirty. They don’t know anything
    about its very long and rich history or its artistry. They don’t know the
    sacrifices that dancers make every day in order to take part in this art. They
    don’t know that dance is part of the history of all cultures all over the

    Unfortunately, the church has been trying to take over and subdue dance for centuries. To the early church, dance, especially peasant dances, were symbols of the old “pagan” religions and couldn’t be allowed to continue. We are still
    seeing the echos of that today in this video.

    And finally, to follow up with commentator Viaten: When the Waltz was first popular there was a huge scandal about how evil it was. Up until then, social dances were done with they dancers facing in the same direction, standing side by side. (only briefly facing each other, or occasionally standing at right angles.) But with the Waltz, dancers faced each other for most of the dance, actually pressing their bodies against each other and stepping between each others legs. This was considered highly seductive and inappropriate. Hard to imagine now, but true.

  • katiehippie

    Wow, telepathy is real but only twins can do it and it’s because demons are in you.
    She says at the beginning by watching the dancing, you are allowing demons to enter you. So everyone who put this video together has demons now.

  • quasibaka

    Petra is kinda good. I’ve not heard a lot to be frank.

  • cemetery

    “And we will read a testimony of seven youths from Columbia who saw a vision of dancers in hell who did not glorify god with their talent and some were even christian”. Yup, acid will do that to ya.

  • Robster

    It’s only Satanic if you play it backwards.

  • Matt Bowyer

    Not my fault that Satan has good taste in music. m/

  • cyb pauli

    Studied dance, am a dancer and solo choreographer. All I see is beautiful dancing.

  • Julie Smiley

    How could anyone watch 45 mins of that drivel??????

  • Not when your grandfather was a circuit riding Baptist preacher with four churches, who didn’t allow dancing, alcohol or playing cards in the house!

  • Itarion

    I know some songs that are fairly satanic frontwards, too.

    Slow Burn by Atreyu
    Inside the Fire by Disturbed
    The Hell in Me by Killswitch Engage

  • Try Petrushka sometime and see if they still like classical music 😛

    Now, I love somewhat dissonant modern Russian classical myself. But I bet that’s not exactly what they had in mind …

  • Guest

    Oooooh.. so that’s why your an atheist, kay

  • He died when I was an infant and I never actually knew him. I was raised Presbyterian. But my Baptist relatives all thought that joke was hilarious!

  • diogeneslamp0

    Aha! THIS explains why, when I’m trying to dance, people point and laugh. I’m not the one who has no rhythm– Satan has no rhythm! You’re to blame, Prince of Darkness, for embarrassing me in front of Mary Jane when I was doing the “Robot”! Damn you to Hell, Father of Lies, and Prince of Public Humiliation!

  • JN

    Seventh Day Adventists do that joke too…

  • I still stand by the claim that the jewish version is funnier.

  • Andrew James

    For a group that says that dancers are the worst people EVER, and that even watching it is wrong. They seem to be good at stringing together good interviews and videos of dancers.

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