If You Remain Abstinent, You Can Be Just Like Them! February 2, 2013

If You Remain Abstinent, You Can Be Just Like Them!

James Dobson (circa 1993) wants to scare you away from pre-marital sex by showing you how uncool it is:

Vince Mancini has the hilarious scene-by-scene breakdown at FilmDrunk:

The intro sequence. It’s a literal CARNIVAL OF SIN! Which, in case you’re wondering, basically looks like the opening scene from Lost Boys, only with more closeups and less Greasy Sax Man. SCARY CLOWNS! PROMISCUOUS ROLLER COASTERS! BREAKING GLASS TRANSITION! This has everything but those cigar-smoking donkeys from Pinocchio.

1:50 — Super creepy close-up on the 10-year-old clearly uncomfortable with his friend talking about sex. UNITE CHRISTIANS! WE ARE ALL THIS AWKWARD 10-YEAR-OLD! AWKWARD 10-YEAR-OLDS FOR LIFE AND PROUD OF IT!

How did no one on the set tell Kirk Cameron to put the mouse back in the house?

(Thanks to Christopher for the link!)

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