If You’re Looking for the Burglar… August 16, 2012

If You’re Looking for the Burglar…

By Hemant Mehta
August 16, 2012

News story. Sentence 1:

Three different police departments are searching for one man, wanted for a string of smash-and-grab burglaries in Philadelphia and Bucks County.

News story. Sentence 2:

The man was caught on surveillance breaking into the Trevose Beer in Lower Southampton Township on Saturday wearing a shirt that read “Property of Jesus.”

That is all.

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  • Matt Silverthorn

    That dude stole Jesus’ shirt!

  • “I’m assuming he might have some guilt inside of him now and this is his way of saying hey, maybe God will forgive me for this,” said Sgt. Andrew Aninsman, Bensalem Police.    
    But it’s atheists who are the evil ones right?

  • SomethingCompletelyDifferent

    Well everyone, we’ve got some bad news here.  It looks like Jesus actually is alive, owns slaves, and makes them wear shirts identifying them as such.  

    Apparently the answer to “What would Jesus do?” is “send minions out to steal beers.”  

  • The Other Weirdo

    And what the hell was the point of that?

  • Taoist

    So was this series of robberies all against religious figures? Did he steal buddha’s rice bowl? Confucius’ chopsticks?

  • Adviser_Moppet

    That guy’s right around where I live. Fantastic. I just got beer from that store the other day too. Looks like I’ll have to really lock up my house. Good thing my dog has a really intimidating bark.

  • Rebecca

    SNORT

  • A3Kr0n

    With the word replacement game still fresh in my mind I thought how would I feel if someone wrote: ” wearing a shirt that read “Atheist.”” as if  it was funny. I didn’t think it was.

  • Johnathan Fullman

    We need to ensure that stories about a group (in this case Christian) member behaving out-of-step with that group are treated fairly. Remember this? http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2012/07/12/vandals-tag-south-carolina-church-with-atheist-phrases-but-were-going-to-make-things-better/
    I don’t think this guy represents Christianity any more than our vandal represents us Atheists.

  • Coyotenose

     Best religion yet?

  • Coyotenose

     Not the same thing, though. If his shirt had just said, “Christian” or “Theist”, there would be no humor.

    The humor… such as it is… is in the different possible takes on the juxtaposition of his shirt and his actions. The best one IMHO being, “Did he steal Jesus’s shirt also, and does Jesus sign his name on all of his stuff?”

  • 3lemenope

    Apparently the answer to “What would Jesus do?” is “send minions out to steal beers.”

    If I were an Almighty God, that’s what I would do.  Minions are the best.

  • Ken

    Nobody made him wear that shirt.  Oh, sorry, apparently Jesus did.  It’s called “funny.”  And ONLY an Xian would do this.  Unless, of course this guy is an atheist who stole the shirt, or an agnostic.  Then it becomes a different story, but still funny on the most basic level — Jesus couldn’t stop this guy from knocking over Qwik-E-Marts while wearing his shirt?  Now we are getting into great and powerful OZ territory, and it’s still funny.  Humor.  Look it up.

    “Too often we… enjoy the comfort of opinion without the discomfort of thought.”John F. Kennedy

  • Margaret Whitestone

    A Christian acting in violation of the Bible?  Say it isn’t so.

  • Guest

    LOL Xians, amirite?

    Really,  this is all you have to post?

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