Creationist Ken Ham: Noah’s Ark Toys Are ‘Too Unrealistic’… but the Real Ark Was Just Fine August 14, 2012

Creationist Ken Ham: Noah’s Ark Toys Are ‘Too Unrealistic’… but the Real Ark Was Just Fine

This is a toy model of Noah’s Ark:

And the Creation Museum’s Ken Ham can’t stand it because it’s not real enough:

… when we allow children to think Noah’s Ark looked like one of these “bathtub Arks,” we are reinforcing the false idea that the account of the Ark was just a fairy tale.

We need instead to show children that Noah’s Ark was a real ship — a great ship — with plenty of room to fit the land animal kinds, and seaworthy to survive a global Flood. That’s why at Answers in Genesis and in our materials, we show Noah’s Ark according to the dimensions in the Bible and as a real seaworthy ship…

This is what Ham thinks is more accurate:

Because that’ll *totally* hold two of every kind of animal in the world… including dinosaurs.

Ham says the toy version will make children not take the Bible seriously… (but Answers in Genesis will? Please.)

In case you never saw it, Ricky Gervais does a hilarious takedown of the whole Noah’s Ark story:

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  • I don’t understand why Noah’s Ark has become a “children’s story” in the first place!  I’m sure most of the population being drowned is great for a child’s innocence 😉  The only thing I can think of is because it has animals in the story (and depending on which chapters and verses you read, the number of animals is different, anyway), and kids like animals.

  • Tainda

    Seriously man, you gotta do something to keep kids interested in your hokum because more and more are realizing it’s a bunch of BS.

    And Ricky is my absolute favorite person that I follow on Twitter.

  • Noah’s ark was a true story.  Unfortunately for Noah, there are are about 500,000 species wood boring beetles, about 4,000 species of  termites, another 50,000 random species of wood feeding cockroachs, Hymenoptera, Lepidoptera and Diptera.   Combined with the roughly 200 species of woodpeckers, meant that the ark only stayed afloat for less than thirty-two hours.   The ark sunk taking everyone and everything with it.  And that is why there are no people or animals left alive today. 

  • jdm8

    And Thomas the Tank Engine doesn’t realistically represent the locomotive it’s based on.  Big deal.  IT IS A TOY.  Besides, a wooden boat the alleged size of the Ark wasn’t going to happen. A god capable of flooding the earth wouldn’t need human hands to protect Earth’s land-based life.

    It’s really funny that Christians object to non-Christians to using Christian products as props for their discussions. And I think that might actually be the root cause of this complaint.

  • Kim C.

    A ship that size made out of wood can’t handle the torsion and shear stresses and will just fall apart in the water. It’d take a miracle to hold that thing together. 😉 Some have been built in the 300 ft range, but made use of steel bolts and reinforcements. Many of them had problems anyway.

  • farnsworth

    Yeah yeah, Ken Ham is a deluded idiot.  (Yes, both.  He is deluded, and he is an idiot.)

    But thanks ever so much for the Ricky Gervais video.  That is awesome!

  • TiltedHorizon

    I want my Ark toy to be made from gopher wood and come with scale sized replicas of every type of animal and insect so I can finally see with my own eyes how they all fit in there. 

  • Shouldbeworkin’

    Maybe Ham should be more concerned about the giant freaking hole in the side of that ark…

  • Even Ham’s version of the ark isn’t real enough. Look how it’s modeled after an oil tanker. The ark is supposed to be 450 feet long 75 feet wide and 45 feet tall, not 510 feet long, 85 feet wide and 51 feet tall. And how does all those little windows at that one towering spot ventilate every passenger  on board the ark? And what happened to the old creationist made image of the ark that looks like a box with a row of windows at the top center? No, Ham your ark is not real, period, but something you dredge up by observing photos of oil tankers like this one!

  • And how will the ark survive the crashing waves that will realistically shatter the wooden ark to a million bits without invoking the “goddoneit” mantra? Despite his claim, Ham’s depiction of Noah’s ark is as unrealistic as the children’s version of Noah’s Ark depicting a boat with a house on top.

  • Rich Lane

    I love this.  Let Ham get Fundies angry at the quaint little mainstream churches who teach the fluffy, happy, forget-the-genocide version of the story.  Maybe that will get some more church goers who simply haven’t thought about it critically to examine the story and realize it is as much mythology as Hercules holding up the sky for Atlas.

  • Patterrssonn

    I love how there’s even a wooden bridge at one end. Not sure why he left out the wooden derricks; would have been awful handy for loading food for the 10 million animals. And a wooden radar antenna, while he wouldn’t need to avoid other boats (let’s assume god just sank them all) it might have been helpful for spotting land as the waters receded. Bit of a risky move sending out the dove and the raven, if they ran into trouble it could have made either species extinct.

  • John PH

    2 of a kind? I’m not going to look it up right now, but I thought many were up to 7ish a kind. And Noah of course burned as a sacrifice one of every ‘clean’ creature … so we know there had to be at least 3 (unless he burned the males that had already impregnated the females or something).

    It’s already an absurd story, but I don’t want people to forget the additionally absurd details.

  • MegaZeusThor

    “we are reinforcing the false idea that the account of the Ark was just a fairy tale”

    I wish a few more Christians felt that if there were fairy tales in the bible, it means the whole lot is to be tossed out. (Instead of a brittle tower falling all at once, we get a slow gradual retreat.) 

    2 more ark videos: 

  • Sailorsguide

     Absolutely, of course they seem to have their ages mixed up a bit so maybe they think Noah was in the iron age. Even so I doubt Ham could manage build a 500 foot wooden boat that actually floated for a few days even if we let him use nails and a few girders.

  • A3Kr0n

    Ken Ham is right. How can that top boat realistically float with a big ‘ol hole in it’s side?
    Personally, I think the Ark looked more like the magic sailing ship Jimmy road on in H.R. PuffnStuff. Anybody remember that show?

  • SteveS

    Boats also leak – even today. And, it rained for 40 days and 40 nights… They didn’t have a bilge pump back there in the bronze age – I want to know who was bailing out this wooden boat over 500 feet long? Not to mention structural instability… that guy in the Netherlands with too much money, who built his exact replica had to build it on top of a steel barge because wood is not strong enough. How can these people not see that it is a nasty fable?

  • Sven

    Whenever creationists try to justify some of the more blatant fables of the Old Testament, I am reminded of the Santa Claus thought experiment.
    For Santa Claus to reach the home of every good Christian boy and girl, he would need to move something like 6,200 miles per second.  Now when a physicist works out them math behind Santa Claus, it’s not for the sake of serious study, but rather to illustrate the absurdity of the myth.  For X to be true, Y would also need to be true.  Since Y is completely ridiculous, it’s safe to assume X is false.
    But creationists don’t seem to grasp that.  They start with X, then extrapolate to Y.  Y is completely ridiculous, but they refuse to reject X, no matter how crazy Y gets.  Terry Hurlbut’s ark pseudoscience is an amazing example: he claims that a magnitude 13 super-earthquake opened the Earth’s crust, and a hidden layer of water rose to the surface.  The shockwave was strong enough to shatter most of the quartz in the Earth’s crust, generating an electric current strong enough to cause nuclear fusion, thus creating all of the world’s radioactive metals.  The fact that radioactive materials exist today is why humans do not live past 125 (whereas before the flood, they lived for hundreds of years).  Hurlbut seriously thinks this.

  • ks

    Maybe he thinks the ark is like the TARDIS–bigger on the inside?  I do love how some of these people manage to figure out the exact dimensions of make believe boats in 2000+ story books, though.

  • Kodie

    Why doesn’t Santa bring toys to kids who don’t celebrate Christmas?

  • 1) I have that exact puzzle in the house.
    2) Maybe we should make a more realistic one – complete with drowning women and children, animals fleeing terrified from the raging water, bodies being ripped apart in the torrent, and families screaming for mercy to an indifferent god?

  • Julia

    Did anyone else think the dude in the blue being “naughty” and stealing money looked exactly like Spock?  Is that why Vulcans were excluded from the ark?

  • Lol, that’s hilarious.

  • Piet

    I could watch that clip by Ricky Gervais  a million times. briliant!

  • Savoy47

    Just infuse the toy model with the over powering  smell of dung from every living thing  on-board. Problem solved.  

  • Sigh. The original Noah was Utnapishtim in the Epic of Gilgamesh (a much cooler name, incidentally). The name Noah is actually derived from that of a Babylonian moon goddess called Nuah, who had a big boat in which she rowed across the sky (metaphorically speaking, obviously).

    The flood legend is a metaphor for some psychological trauma, according to many theorists of folklore and mythology.

    And also, all toy arks should come with a room for poo, and an optional voice-over by James Stewart and Sean Connery, and some evil ducks.

  •  And what about all the carnivorous species eating all the prey animals?

    And you forgot the room for poo!

  • Patterrssonn

    They would need to keep some poo around for all the coprophagous species. Perhaps all the carnivores returned to the original pre-‘fall’ vegetarian state and they lived off floating plant debris? Actually there might have been a fair bit of animal and human ‘debris’ floating around at first which they fished out, again wooden derricks would have been helpful, and then kept them fresh in the umm freezers.

  • Tak

    In my ‘ children’s’ bible the story of noah was illustrated with drowning people and animals outside the ark when the rains came. It even showed a woman holding up her infant as she is being swallowed by water. THAT is realistic.

  • Ken Ham is right!  Bathtub Arks are dangerous!

  • Jennifer B.

    To be fair, I don’t think that creationists believe that every single species was brought onto the ark. I’ve heard them say that they believe that Noah only brought specific “kinds” of animals onto the ark, and that after the flood waters receded, the different “kinds” of animals produced different species. (If I remember correctly, I think they call this baraminology.) So, for example, they believe that Noah brought a horse onto the ark and that the horse’s descendants later evolved into zebras and the like. It’s funny because they believe in a miraculous “micro-evolution” that took place over a few thousand years, but they think that actual evolution (with its absolutely overwhelming evidence) taking place over millions of years is impossible. Go figure!

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