Gay, Mormon, and Married (To a Woman)

I feel like he’s sincerely happy. But he must have some sort of religious guilt, or religious SOMETHING–why go for women when you know you like men? He could find love with men, too.

Not that I think their relationship is devoid of love; I do think they’re both happy. But there’s a reason he’s chosen a woman over his natural desire for men, and it’s mostly likely to do with religion. I guess he’s got a lot of self-control in that respect.

Does not compute.

If he’s happy, who are we to judge?  Sex isn’t everything in a relationship.  I can’t see how they have a robust sex life though if he is ONLY attracted to men.

I agree with you saying no one is happy every single day of their lives though.  

Mormons seem to a generally happy bunch.  Almost unhealthily happy.  As long as he is honest with himself (which he appears to be) I really have no problem with the choices that he made.  Although the one part I do doubt is the “robust sex life” unless that includes lots of porn.

I don’t doubt that he’s generally happy if he says he is but I would doubt his sincerity if he claims he couldn’t be happier in a romantic relationship with a man. And if he’s holding himself up as a model for gay christians, that’s just evil.

If you truly believe you can “choose” to be “gay” or “straight,” and happy, no less; you’re bisexual. 

Perhaps love can be found in a multitude of different ways! 

More power to him. But I am seriously, seriously curious what he and his wife get up to in the bedroom that keeps it so robust if he’s not sexually attracted to women, because that’s the sort of sexual kung fu that should be shared with the world!

I’m not sure what motivation someone would have to say they’re gay when they’re not gay or at least bisexual.  Maybe to get attention, but I have a hard time believing it’s some nefarious plot constructed by the church.  

I don’t get how Quiverfull women can be happy living that way either.  Does that mean they’re not truly happy?  I don’t think so.  I think it just means I would not be happy living like that. 

Ugh.

On the one hand, he makes a good case for the variety of humanity.  Few people fit into the narrow, rigid, homogenous boxes that religions often try to define.  There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, and all that.

On the other hand, he stands out as an example of the “See?  Gay people can ALREADY get legally married!” nonsense.  This will fuel the argument that gay people should be perfectly happy with current marriage rights, since they’re applied equally to everyone, as long as they marry the opposite sex.

This guy’s arrangement may work for him and his family, but it doesn’t even begin address the needs of gay and lesbian couples.  This will only embolden those who think that gay people should be happy to marry according to THEIR standards.

Option 4: All of the above.

I find his situation highly unlikely and unusual, but that doesn’t make it impossible. What it’s important to note is that if we assume Option 3: that he’s completely honest and happy, then that says nothing about other gay people. It’s not an argument that all gay people can be perfectly happy living a straight life, only that it works for him. Everyone has different experiences and needs emotionally and sexually, and if this works for him, great for him, but the problem comes when this is used as an argument that his experience can be generalized: it can’t.

But I always go for the all of the above option. He probably is happy within his view of what happiness is and his experience, but it’s highly unlikely that this is a problem free situation, that it never causes stress in his life, that he never thinks about things outside of his experience and wonders. Possible, but unlikely. More likely that he’s being at least partially dishonest, not just with us, but with himself.

As for the brainwashing: He’s a Mormon. Case closed.

Perfect response.

Why not?  Good on them for being so open with their story.  
He’s been honest with her the whole time and is able to be happy with his situation. 
I believe he loves her even without the sexual attraction.  I’ve known many worse marriages that may be based on sexual attraction but nothing else.  
He is also not judging others and states that this is just his path.

Without anything else, I think we have to take them at face value.

It’s great they’ve each found someone to be happy with.

Now, if only they would take the experience of the vast numbers of gay people at their face value.

That a gay man is happily married to a straight woman doesn’t say anything one way or the other about the rights of any other consenting adults to marry.

If you could take a pill to change your skin color, would that be an argument to overturn Loving v. Virginia?

Apparently he’s a marriage and family therapist. This terrifies me. Even if he’s perfectly happy, he could be giving absolutely terrible advice expecting other people to be like him. I really hope that’s not the case.
http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/prof_detail.php?profid=100247&sid=1314082116.0022_12088&city=Auburn&county=King&state=WA

I can’t imagine how you could have a “healthy and robust sex life” if you are not at all attracted to your partner.  If a person can say that in no way does his partner turn him on, (which is what he implies by saying he’s not bisexual) I really don’t know what he mean by describing his sex life as “healthy.”

After reading your post here, I was ready to join the others in saying that if he is happy, then he should do what he want. I would still say that, as I have a very “whatever floats your boat” type of feeling about the choices of others, but some of the comments he’s made in his article reek of homophobia.

For instance: “If you are gay, you will have to choose to fill in the gaps somewhere.
She chose to have a family in a way that is different than the ideal.” (in speaking about his therapist, who happened to be a lesbian.)

Different than the ideal? This is the kind of thinking that hurts gay kids. That allows them to think horrible things about themselves, and makes them feel abnormal because they are sexually attracted to the same gender, or both genders or what have you.

He makes a few other comments like this about gay people. About how they cannot have a relationship with God, about how marriage is between a man and a woman. I feel as though when he realized he was sexually attracted to men, he behaved in a way in which many straight, religious people tell gay people to behave: you can have those feelings, just don’t act on them. I have no doubt he is happy with his wife and his children. I would never tell him to change his life or regret his decisions. However, I think he is coming from a repressed, Mormon background that allowed him to “choose” to marry a woman, hold back his sexual urges toward men, and live the “idealized” life he always wanted for himself.

Yes, it is hard being gay sometimes. You do have to alter your dreams for the future when you discover that having children may not be as simple or that your marriage may not be legal. But it’s things like this that create those heteronormative dreams in the first place. So what if gay people can’t always have biological children (although they very often can, which he seems to neglect in this article)? Gay people can live loving, fulfilled, (and spiritual, if that’s your thing) lives, and they do every single day.

See, here’s the thing. For all the blathering on about how religions should keep their hands off of other people’s lives and out of their bedrooms, we can’t resist doing the exact same thing. What the hell gives anybody the right to second-guess this man and his wife? He says he’s happy, she agrees with him. Why is it necessary to write an article such as this,  and then say, well, he must fall into 1 of these 3 categories, but no more than that.

Or is it that this doesn’t fit into a neat little mould that you’ve convinced yourself is the only possible way for people to act? I think it says more about you than about anything else.

So he’s gay but lives with a woman. Doesn’t fit with how I know things must be. He is lying. To her or to himself to both. It cannot be so! He is too happy, but I am not so he must be lying. Must write article to discuss my incredulity with the universe.

If this is what passes for BA in Literature these days, I’m glad I went into computers.

Or perhaps you need to learn a bit more about life and love before passing such harsh judgement on people whom you know absolutely nothing about.

You may well be right, but why’s he putting this out there if not as an argument that other gay people can/should live like him? And that’s a real problem. Especially since he’s a marriage and family therapist who says he specializes in LGBT issues and teens. His experience can be perfectly valid even though it doesn’t fit into a nice box, but that doesn’t mean it should be held up as an example for all gay youth.

It’s also possible that he is bisexual

But he is definitely brainwashed. Notice the part about the lesbian therapist where the first thing he notes is that she doesn’t have an “ideal family”. That’s what his cult has conditioned him to desire and it’s the only acceptable way for him to live. So he never allowed himself to seek anything else and he puts down people who doesn’t measure up.

Gay people married to straight people don’t necessarily lack love for their spouses. They frequently marry their best friends and do care a lot for them. I have no problem with calling that love, but it’s not really the same as romantic love. But the issue here is that he has nothing to compare  his relationship to. He doesn’t know whether a gay relationship may not be more emotionally and sexually fulfilling for him.

 When someone suggests we respond by passing legislation, you’ll have a case. Until then, your entire comment is meaningless.

Gay people sometimes fall in love with someone who is of the opposite sex. Straight people sometimes fall in love with someone of the same sex. That’s not the part of this story that I find troubling or unconvincing.

(a) I have no doubt that Josh Weed and other Mormons will use his story as an example to other gay Mormons – you may be gay, but you can still be a good Mormon by getting straight married and having babies.
(b) I don’t like that he equates ‘traditional’ relationships with heterosexual, monogamous relationships. Our current marriage structure is no more traditional than, say,  monogamous gay marriage.
(c) I’m uncomfortable with the unquestioned assumption that children which are the biological offspring of both parents are the more desireable than any other kind of child.
(d) If I were Mrs. Weed, I’d be pretty troubled that “I married my wife because I love her” is close to the end of the article, not at the very beginning.

STOCKHAUSEN SYNDROME!!

As a gay ex-Christian who struggled for years with same-sex attraction before finally deciding that the struggle was absolute bullshit (followed by the realization that the rest of the Bible/Christianity was bullshit as well), I can attest to how easy it is to delude yourself into thinking that you’re doing the right thing in suppressing your innate sexuality, and that God’s intent for humanity is Man+Woman. And you can’t buy into any of that unless you also buy into the eschatology that teaches that those who persevere to the end (i.e., embrace your internalized homophobia) will be saved.

Bottom line, this poor guy (and girl) is hopelessly deluding himself. Ultimately, it’s his life but he’s doing serious harm by suggesting that this is how all people should live.

 They appear to be happy. Part of it is facade. Utah has a very high rate of anti-depressant usage

Because as a gay man who spent years trying to suppress his sexuality, you can’t genuinely be happy and deny who you are. There’s always a part of you that is aching to be with someone of the same sex because that’s who you truly are. Imagine if we were forcing heterosexuals to live like homosexuals!

“Josh is sincerely happy” is option number three because its difficult to believe, and because in this type of situation options one and two are commonplace. As a straight man, to put myself in Josh’s shoes I have to imagine living in a homosexual relationship. I cannot imagine being truly happy in that situation. Also as a former Mormon I know how the church permeates every facet of its members’ lives. He revealed to his parents at a young age that he was gay. It is very likely that his bishop(s) knew as well, and maybe even his teachers and home teachers. It is not unreasonable at all to think that he spent years being coached into the position he’s in now. Josh may be truly happy, but he may also simply believe he’s happy. He really has no basis for comparison because he’s never been in the type of relationship that is natural for him. I guess the question we have to ask ourselves is, is there a difference between believing you’re happy and actually being truly happy?  

What do Mormons consider a “extremely healthy and robust sex life” though?  If he’s talking about five minutes of missionary twice a week, I’m sure he’s capable of getting through it by thinking about a shirtless Ricky Martin.

If you really want to be horrified, check out the comments on the article Hemant linked.

“You’d be surprised how many people are doing just what you are. It is
not that unusual. I know many ‘homosexuals’ who live a married or chaste
life more peacefully than most in the gay ‘community'”

Why am I not surprised?

I think you’re stuck in a narrow idea of what “attraction” requires, and what arousal requires. There is, for a few lucky people, more to sex than lust that can only be aroused by looking at a preferred type of person. For some, it’s more about an expression of their love of that particular individual.

Old couples, with sagging breasts, flimsy muscles, and blotchy skin have sex. They enjoy their affection, their caring, and their selfless attentiveness to the other person’s needs and responses. If they really need to see a young and beautiful lover in bed with them, that’s what eyelids are for.  When the eyes close, the imagination sees whatever the libido desires.  The skin continues to receive its pleasurable sensations. Because they love and accept each other, fantasizing about whatever they wish is okay with them.

As for the future, don’t underestimate its proximity by assuming that your own attitudes reflect a permanent majority.

What I didn´t get is: if he´s attracted to men and not women, why does he keep having sex with his wife? Either he IS attracted to her or he feels compelled to do that.
I´m straight and I believe I could have sex with a man (it would be physically possible) but it doesn´t mean I would be wanting that or attracted to him. And it certainly wouldn´t make me feel happy. I would probably just do that if I was obliged to, either with a gun in my head, or a religious indocrination in my brain.
So, I believe that yes, he IS bissexual, he just doesn´t know that yet, or is trying to deny this fact, wich would seen strange, considering he sees no problem in being labelled gay.

A possibility I haven’t seen in the comments. In addition to his homosexuality, Josh may have a paraphilia or fetish. Speaking from personal experience, if the triggers for the paraphilia are being hit sufficiently, the gender of the partner can be less important.

I’m just making up names here. Heterosexual Bob can be physically attracted to Jane (and thinking of Jane) while having sex with his wife whom he is not sexually attracted to but loves never-the-less. I can envision that Josh can be sexually attracted to Steve (and thinking of Steve) while having sex with his wife whom he is not sexually attracted to but loves never-the-less.

It seems, though, that he isn’t repulsed by the idea of sex with women. He is just neutral about it and prefers men. If there is a continuum from totally heterosexual to totally homosexual, perhaps he is not quite pegged all the way to the homosexual end. Maybe one-fourth of the way over from the homosexual extreme but not quite bi-sexual.

It is his life. If the dude says he is happy, we really don’t have any right to say otherwise.

From what you wrote, and what I could ascertain, it did not look like this was a deliberate propoganda campaign on his or his wife’s part.

He says he is happy, he is happy.

Who are we to question him?

I am perfectly comfortable with questioning this guys’ identity. Identity is not just some personal individual thing. It consists of cultural and social traits, too. I don’t get to claim that I’m a transsexual black woman just because I feel like that deep down inside while continuing to live in every other way as a cis white man. Are you telling me that if I claimed that that you would not question that claim??

No. No some of us aren’t.

Unless I missed something in this article, I don’t see where he is asking to pass legislation for his bedroom antics.

I haven’t made any of those assumptions, and  there’s nothing in my words that imply or state such assumptions. As for my mentioning fat, thin, beautiful, ugly, etc,  please don’t attribute to me what I’m using as an illustration of the making of narrow assumptions and prejudices about this couple that I’m reading in many comments here.
You say,

The world is full of people who really are attracted to people they love, even if those people seem horribly unattractive to you — and it is they who are the lucky ones, who can love as deeply as you ever did, but still have sex with their eyes open.

Yes! that’s exactly what I’m getting at! We are in agreement. No one should make blanket assumptions about human sexuality based on their own personal experiences.

I scanned the article.  It seems to me he is not suggesting the path he chose will work for everybody, he is simply saying it works for him.  I have absolutely no problem with that.  I understand he is a counselor.  If he is indeed pushing his views in some way, rather than simply helping people who make the free choice to pursue a path like his, then I would have a problem with it.

Sexuality is a complicated thing.  I don’t understand why people find it necessary, first, to put people into straitjacketed categories of “straight”, “gay” and “bi”, and then, second, to assume that each category is only associated with certain behaviors.  People in the porn industry are able to engage in sex acts not consistent with their particular category.  People in situations where their “usual” choice of sex partner is not available sometimes go a different route for a while.  And sexual preference criteria are not limited to the gender of the partner; a person may prefer a muscular woman to a slight man, or a young man to an old woman.

In addition, some sexual preferences, such as those for children, or for partners married to other people, or for unwilling partners, are abusive and to be avoided; people may choose to deal with those preferences via fantasy.  Plenty of people fantasize while having sex, sometimes with the cooperation and participation of their partner or partners.  If everybody is happy, if they enjoy themselves, if they are close and they love each other, whose business is it but their own?  People also can respond to sexual stimulus without regard to the gender of the other person; a mouth is a mouth, a hand is a hand.

What I find disturbing is not this couple’s situation, but some of the responses here.  It’s terrifying to suggest that intimacy and love are important?  Really?  It’s impossible to have a wonderful sex life with someone who doesn’t look like your ideal sex partner?  Really?  Doesn’t all of that depend on the wants and needs of the people involved?

No, not everyone is bisexual. And those of us that are and have to deal with the social consequences of it, discrimination from both straight and gay people, really don’t appreciate the marginalizition.

I’m bisexual. I can’t choose to be gay or straight. I can’t choose who I’m attracted to any more than a gay or straight person. Also sexual attraction can be seperate from romantic attraction. He could be homosexual but heteroromantic.

I don’t think I’d use the word bisexual if someone is exclusively gay, except for one specific person.  The term bisexual, to me, says that you are attracted to men and women.  Not men and a specific woman, or women and a specific man, but both in the general sense(not necessarily to an equal degree though)

Careful there.

Another possible interpretation is that he’s a 5.9 on the Kinsey Scale, with his wife being the missing 0.1.

Somewhere else in this thread someone mentioned that he could be predominantly homosexual but heteromantic. That could very easily be the answer. 

But ultimately, the answer doesn’t matter so much. How someone self-identifies is their own business. You or I may disagree with their reasons but it’s nothing to do with us.

As I said below, I’ll concede that I do have some doubts of my own. But given that they’re largely unfounded I have to give him the benefit of those doubts.

It doesn’t seem like you’ve got much more to found your doubts on than I do. In this context, hasty unfounded judgement smells a little bit like that weird scenario I hear about where someone who happens to be homosexual gets all bigoted towards bisexuals for ‘not really being gay’ or ‘faking it’ or whatever.

That’s not a perfect analogy for what’s going on here. But it does have a similar smell. Passing judgement before we have enough substance to soundly base it upon is called pre-judgement. The distance between pre-judgement and prejudice is narrow. I don’t want to fall on the wrong side of that divide, so I’m erring on the side of caution and acceptance. 

So I’d recommend more caution in your response to this article.

The way I see it, I am not going to set myself in judgement over this guy, any more than I would over any other gay person, married person or religious person who was hurting nobody. That would make me as bad as the people I … well, the people I DO set myself in judgement over. 

I wonder if they call it the “missionary position”. That may have some specific connotation for Mormons

No, your absolutely right, I just didn’t feel like going into a long post 🙂 

I actual find the Kinsey Scale to be a crude device for judging sexuality. It’s a complicated topic, and the definitions and criteria we normally use are crude at best, just as an example he may be attracted to the fantasy of being with men? But I’m not claiming that, just pointing out how complicated this all can get. But your right, it really doesn’t matter much, not a least in how we should treat him. 

I was hinting at the bias of some homosexuals have towards bisexuals, but I was thinking he may hold that against himself in some word way. I have had several friends go through that. Other than it being wrong, it’s mind numbingly stupid (at least from my point of view). But in the end once again your right, we really don’t know enough to know.

I have a Mormon friend who I have known since high school. I have always suspected that he is secretly gay. He used to spend all his free time with two other (non-Mormon) friends who both came out as gay in later years. Not that this is any indication, but they all had similar behavior patterns and interests (which I guess is why they were such good friends). Most notably, none of them really dated, or showed much interest in girls during high school.

Anyway, he has been married for several years now, and has 3 kids. From all appearances, they are quite happy. But I’m still fairly convinced that he’s gay. One of these days I’ll get up the courage to ask the other two what they think.

If homosexuality is an inherited trait then it exists today because homosexuals have regularly married the opposite sex and reproduced. It’s ridiculous to think this was all social and religious pressure and that none of them lover their spouses or had happy marriages. Geez their are gay porn stars that marry women. You have to accept people on their own testimony bc you don’t know what’s inside. I imagine there is struggle and doubt not expressed here, but they seem sincere in their intent. I hope it lasts a lifetime.

“If homosexuality is an inherited trait then it exists today because homosexuals have regularly married the opposite sex and reproduced”Ahhh no. Short answer to a hugely complicated subject…recessive genes.

he says he is attracted to both men and women – he is bi not gay – and bi people can choose to be monogamous with either gender and have a happy marriage and sex life – he is not a gay man not attracted to women wishing he was feeling fulfilled. huge difference! 

True, but of course the vast majority of gay people throughout history did have biological children, so it would be a combination of both.

 You didn’t miss anything in the article, you missed everything in epiph’s comment. Jessica was curious about Josh’s situation, didn’t understand why he would make the choice he made so she wrote an article about it. She posited some possibilities based on her viewpoint and asked her readers for their thoughts. epiph is saying that all we’re doing is having a discussion about the situation. We are not proposing that anyone be legally prevented from making a choice simply because we don’t understand it or it’s different from what we’d do. That’s what religious people do. Josh is not being judged harshly as The Other Weirdo would have us believe. Jessica explicitly admitted to the possibility that, although she doesn’t understand how, Josh may be genuinely happy.     

I do not find it impossible to be attracted to a person that is of a sort you are not normally attracted to.  But if he is not attracted to his wife, then he is lying about having a healthy sex life.

Possibility 4: Some of each of the above. He could be somewhat happy or at least content with his life, lying a bit about how much, and deluding himself into thinking he’s happier than he is.

“If you really want to be horrified, check out the comments on the article Hemant 
Jessica Bluemke linked.”

FTFY

This. Basically, if both individuals are consenting adults, I don’t give a damn whether it is biology or choice or both which determines anything, and I don’t see why anybody else should care either. Anything less than full bodily autonomy for consenting adults is nothing more than a form of slavery, IMHO.

FWIW, I completely agree with this. I’m inclined to believe him about his own relationship, especially since he considers himself “gay” and not “ex-gay”. But this is bloody dangerous.

Spot on.

Richard rightly points out that we shouldn’t make assumptions about other people’s intimate relationships based on our own experience. But this guy is calling himself a marriage therapist and counselling people with “unwanted sexual attraction” or some such bunk.

He is very likely to be making assumptions about other people’s relationships based on his own experience. In our case, we’re a bunch of people on the Internet, so our opinion doesn’t matter. In his case, because he’s doing it in the context of a professional in-care relationship. That, by contrast, is outright dangerous.

As I noted above, revulsion (i.e. making you “gag”, as you put it) is the opposite of attraction. It is not the absence of attraction.

The idea of sex with another dude doesn’t make me (an apparently straight guy) gag. It doesn’t do anything for me, but the mere thought doesn’t result in violent convulsions.

“I tend to distrust people who say things like, ‘I am happy every single day of my life.’ because it strikes me as an overreach of reality.”
I’m skeptical as well. That’s just a little “too” happy to be believable. A Mormon friend of mine who was going through a very difficult time and was noticeably discouraged still touted the “I’m just so happy and content all the time” line whenever we talked. It seemed fake, and I called his bluff, to no avail.  The Bible is full of depressed people who are pissed off at God and life.  Is it really taught in the Mormon church to put up such a facade?

Yeah, that’s how I see it too. I really couldn’t care less about his life. I find it a bad sad because I think his church kind of forced this on him, but it’s his decision.

However, I do have a problem with him advertising his story on the web like that and trying to present himself as an example, as well as offering biased “therapy” for people like him.

“turn it off! Like a light switch, just go click. It’s our cool little Mormon trick. …we do it all the time. When you’re feeling pesky feelings that just don’t seem right,
Treat those pesky feelings like a reading light and turn em off,…”

What a sham! They’re actually just roommates. The kids are child actors. Case closed.

 I’m of the belief this is Mormon propaganda.  I think any kink or fetish would be considered just as deviant and sinful as homosexuality by the LDS establishment.

Bingo.  You nailed it 🙂

It’s great they’ve each found someone to be happy with.
Now, if only they would take the experience of the vast numbers of gay people at their face value.

This X 1000 !

If he weren’t directing his story to others (note where he says “the reason I do this is because I love you, whoever you are”), I wouldn’t have ANY issues with his story…..

but he is doing that.  And that’s a big problem.

 I’m bisexual, but I tend to enjoy relationships with men more than relationships with women.

If it works for him, then great. It adds weight to the argument that human sexuality and relationships are far too complex for a simple one-size -fits all approach and we all need to be as tolerant as possible of other people’s lifestyles. 

That being said (and I’m aware of the irony of extolling the virtues of tolerance and then even thinking, let alone saying this in a public forum) I’d be willing to bet that he’ll be living a loft apartment with another guy in 20 years having been caught having an illicit affair and been thrown out of the church.

Seems contradictory. How do you have a healthy sex life without desire/attraction. Sounds to me like sex is a mechanical thing and not the amazing and emotionally charged experience it can be. That’s sad.

OK. I’m gonna play the devils advocate. As screwed up as the Mormons are when it comes to sexuality in general, this might make sense.  I mean we are talking about people who wear magic underwear and think sex should only be for procreation.

 That’s presumptuous of you, claiming to know everybody’s orientation, even people you’ve never met in real life.

I don’t believe in evolution. It just doesn’t seem possible to me that we evolved from monkeys.

If we evolved from monkeys, why are there still monkeys around? It doesn’t makes any sense to me, so it can’t be true.

Sound familiar?

“I want to make it very clear that while I have found a path that brings me profound joy and that is the right path for me, I don’t endorse this as the only path for somebody who is gay and religious. I will never, ever judge somebody else’s path as being “incorrect” and I know many people who have chosen different paths than myself.”  
It doesn’t sound like he’s suggesting to heavily that people should follow his footsteps. 
Even if he were though it wouldn’t matter. People can ignore such a suggestion if they want, no one is forcing them to follow it. Suggestions are in all forms of media, politics, atheist writing, religious writing, and pretty much every form of communication. You cannot stop people from making suggestions. That would be an outrageous violation of the right to free speech. It would make it impossible. 

I don’t see JOSH as pushing others to follow his footsteps.  I foresee others using Josh’s story, to try to lock others in the closet.  “Oh, you’re a gay man?  Well, you can still live the Ideal Mormon Lifestyle, with a wife and kids.”  And if you don’t see how that can be harmful to a person, well, I can’t really help you with that.
As for the second half of your comment, where did that come from?  Do you see anybody here trying to STOP Josh from telling his story?

If he isn’t demanding that other people do as he did, then more power to him. It’s entirely possible that he’s telling the truth. People are often uncategorizable.

By way of example, I know of a twenty-something artist who considered herself straight through high school, realized she was a lesbian in college and -ahem- made the most of it… but then fell in love with a British man she met online. They’re married now, and she says that he is the only man to whom she’s attracted. All her other crushes, her fantasies, etc., involve women. It SOUNDS like a bad male fantasy, but that’s just her.

“What the hell gives anybody the right to second-guess this man and his wife? He says he’s happy, she agrees with him. Why is it necessary to write an article such as this,  and then say, well, he must fall into 1 of these 3 categories, but no more than that.”

The Other Weirdo, this is a blog that caters to the interests of people who frequently describe themselves as skeptics. As a skeptic, I don’t usually accept what I’m told straight away. This is why we are second-guessing this man and his wife.

He is a Mormon and a therapist that counsels people who want to overcome their homosexuality, as if that was possible. These are two very good reasons to doubt the authenticity of his statements.

*they’re…. dammit…

http://www.bisexual.org/kleingrid.html

Mr Garrison was right! it does get you chicks! ;3

I dated a Mormon for about 5 years. She had left the church. By the accounts of meeting the family and her statements Mormons play happy all the time no matter what. The whole family always had a smile on their face no matter how much their life was in turmoil. I think happiness is the “crack” that keeps the Mormon religion alive. All manufactured.
 

Ok I’m sorry to be negative but this guy is lying! Being gay I having tried so many times as a teenager to be with girls, I know very well that if you are not attracted to women you don’t get an erection around them, and therefore you cannot perform a sexual act with them. Much less have a “robust sex life”. Unless your wife bangs you with a strap on dildo.

 This is exactly what they do to us, and we complain bitterly about it, and they aren’t even skeptics.  Instead of accepting our stated reasons for why we’re atheists, they instead come up with a myriad alternative explanations that make them feel better about themselves. The OP is exactly the same thing.

You asked the question: Would any of the women here marry your gay best friend and raise a family together?

Let me tell you, I’m a gay woman who married my straight best friend in an attempt to “fit in” and “live a Christian life” because I thought that was what was expected of me by God and lots of very real people here on this planet, like my parents and my friends. Without any direct mention of the subject – I remember ABSOLUTELY no direct conversations about sexuality and the Christian Church. Josh Weed is definitely feeding that soft / indirect message that if you are homosexual and Christian/Mormon, you can and should settle for less in your life.

I tried and tried to make this work. For 11 years. I was miserable almost all 11 of them. I suspect 1 and a little bit of 2. The pervasiveness of anti-homosexual culture is astounding in how it can warp your head as a teenager. 

I think particularly telling his his asking his now-wife “If you won’t marry me, who will?” That question is exactly how I got where I got. 

 That changes everything!  The guy is financially orientated.  What better way to drum up business that fake an exclusive homosexual orientation that has been “cured” or contained by the type of therapy that you offer.  FAKE.

 There is a scale of gender orientation that goes from extreme heterosexual orientation at one end (and a gag reflex to homosexual relations) through equal attraction to both sexes to extreme homosexual orientation at the other end (and a gag reflex to heterosexual relations.)   You have falsely assumed that only the two end points exist. 

I think you meant to respond to Aaron Scoggin, not me. I explicitly indicated that at least three positions exist: attraction, revulsion, and the absence of both.

I also happen to agree that there are points in-between, and the landscape is probably more than one-dimensional.