Want to be Stress-free? Become a Christian May 28, 2012

Want to be Stress-free? Become a Christian

A known issue which plagues almost every individual is the mental, emotional and physical tension known as stress.

We do all kinds of things to be relieved of the Stress Monster: Turn to alcohol and drugs, watch television, exercise, eat comfort food, spend time with loved ones… You get the idea. People make a living off studying stress and creating ways for us to escape from it.

As it turns out, I have an easy way to eliminate your stress woes without booking another massage or drowning yourself in another bottle of wine.

Become a Christian.

Yes, it’s that easy! I can explain for those whose vision of the Lord is a bit foggy.

Before I get into the nitty gritty, let’s take a step back and examine what exactly causes stress in the first place.

  • Your job
  • Emotional problems
  • Poor sleep patterns
  • Relationships
  • Family issues
  • Drastic life changes
  • Getting fat

I could go on and on. Stress is part of life. We can’t avoid it right?

WRONG! Like I said, all you have to do is start believing in God.

God is all-knowing and all-powerful, so everything you are going to do or are doing now, he already knew about. You don’t have to take responsibility for anything you do, because he already knew you were going to do it!

Rain on your wedding day? Can’t make a deadline? Forgot your friend’s birthday? Late for work? Stuck in overwhelming debt? No problem! Take a deep breath, my friend, because none of these things are your fault. It is all part of God’s design to strengthen you as a person and remind you to pray next time.

Just sit back, relax and let God’s special blueprint work itself out.

I was placed on this Earth to be skeptical, discover the one and only stress cure-all and relay the message to you. What will you do with this information?

Whatever you want! Because whatever you chose to do, was predestined. It all happens because of His plan.  Bask in this wonderful reality. It’s up to Him. NOT you.

Cool, huh?

Okay, okay I’m not suggesting Christians are automatically stress-free. Humans aren’t stress free. Stress is what motivates us. It’s a part of life. It forces us to work harder.

My point is, if you believe God has a plan, why worry? Leave it up to Him. Stop making decisions.

If that sounds preposterous… well, you’re right. Turning to God won’t solve your problems. Christians know this. We all know this. Your reality can only truly be constructed through your choosing. YOU have the power.

Now THAT’S cool.

If you disagree with the power residing in yourself, refer to the beginning of this post. Put your destiny in the Lord.


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  • Kevin_Of_Bangor

    He-Man is the first thing that came to brain when I read “you have the power”

  • My mother always used to say “Let go and let God”.  Of course when you’re up to your neck in debt, well, you really can’t help but worry.

  • george.w

    I used to repeat this bible verse to myself.

    Matthew 10 29 Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care.[b] 30 And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. 31 So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.

    … except I was never so stressed as when I was a Christian. It took huge amounts of energy keeping the science compartment from leaking into the faith compartment.

  • Valerie C.

    I was far more stressed as a christian largely due to the suppression of my correct gender identity it directly cause.  Atheism is by far more liberating and healthier.

  • Annie

    Ha ha!  Me too.

  • Yeah I actually believed much like this when I was a Christian.  It caused me to make some bone headed choices because I believed “god was leading me” to make those choices.  

    When the results of my choices caused tons of fallout I was super confused because god was supposed to fix everything for me, it was probably the first thing that happened which caused me to begin to doubt my religion was all it was cracked up to be.

  • kagekiri

    Being Christian used to help with some stress, but it also made me nihilistic and depressed. When you believe nothing really matters on the scale of eternity (which is the only scale that matters, “treasure in heaven” and all that crap), well, it’s hard to find meaning in life.

    This nihilism makes you question God’s fairness and justice a bit less and justify the presence of evil in the world more readily, but it also makes some stupid decisions feel like life and death. I remember weeping over failing to convert my friends in college, or being terrified for my brother when he “fell away.” Hell is not a comforting idea, and it loomed large in my mind when I wasn’t feeling apathetic, depressed, and aimless, waiting for “God’s call”.

    Atheism at least puts some barriers to suicide: this is the only life you have, use it well. With Christianity, I wanted to get my new body and mind already, and had martyr fantasies of dying because of my religion. It was NOT healthy for me emotionally, and definitely added stress at times.

  • Ken

    So I asked God, who is my best friend in the whole world about this, and he didn’t say anything, again.  Whatta pal.

  • Is it just me or is this blog getting more mean-spirited by the day?

  • george.w

    The blog has taken on new writers with different perspectives. It can be jarring sometimes to find out that sacred cows make such good hamburger.

  • Annie

    I think it’s just you.  For me, I see an ebb and flow in emotion here.  If you’re talking about this blog entry, I’m pretty sure it’s what one would call satire.

  • Renshia

     Yes, yes, it is.

  • Renshia

     Listeners make the bestest friends.

  • P. J. Reed

    While the “this blog isn’t friendly at all!” trolls are a little annoying, I think the original poster kind of has a point in this case.  This particular post doesn’t share any news, doesn’t offer any new insights, and doesn’t facilitate discussion between people of different faiths… it’s just making fun of Christians by setting up a strawman argument.

  • Renshia

     For me, I was lucky, that I knew nothing about atheism or atheists when I lost my “faith”. I lived for two years, depressed, thinking that the only hope I had for happiness was gone. I could no longer accept god was real. I kept thinking life would be miserable forever. I only wanted to die but I was to scared. I thought I was wrong and there just might be a hell, to actually kill myself. Had I not believed in a soul, I am sure I would be dead.

    After two years of looking and learning, I found out horrible has no power. I found out, I create my happiness. That I am responsible for my life. One day I woke up and the empty hole inside me was gone. For the first time in my life, I was complete.

    Then I didn’t need the fear or religion anymore.

  • Renshia

    It is true, why worry, when you can pray your responsibilities away.

    Thank ya, Jebesussssss…..

  • CoboWowbo

    I was actually stressed out a lot more when I was a christian…

  • Alchemist

    This post IS facilitating discussion, it’s doing that right now.
    Yes, it may be that you see nothing new here, but not everyone who a is reading this thread have looked at this issue. Not everyone comes to their “lightbulb moment” at the same time.
    The rest of humanity didn’t discover a world without belief at the same moment as you.
    How terribly rude of us.

  • Robyman44

    I knew a girl in college who was a very dedicated Catholic and she talked all the time about being stressed out. Then, years later, I dated a devout Christian (only for a few months) who, even now, sometimes tells me she thinks about killing herself. Everyone faces trouble, no matter what religion they practice or how much they believe.

  • roberthughmclean

    Surely the extreme silence, invisibility and total lack of any actual actions by gods of any sort would be very stressful for those afflicted with religious belief. How could a person believe in such a nonsense when the subject of the nonsense (baby jesus and good ol’ god/allah etc) does nothing? Trying to figure all this out, for an afflicted muzzy/xian/jewish etc person would be very stressful. It would be stressful realising you’ve been the victim of a fraud.

  • P. J. Reed

    Let me rephrase: it’s not facilitating useful discussion.  It seems like most of the posts here are from atheists patting themselves on the back for being so insightful.

  •  I once attended a christening where one of the congregation spoke about how she had prayed for god’s help during some crisis. She then said “god did the most powerful thing he could – nothing”. She actually believed in god more because he did nothing, as this was obviously god’s way of forcing her to confront the issues herself. I was stunned that that level of self-delusion was even possible.

  • Maya Kulik

     What the…HOLY CRAP!

  • DG

    Heh.  This is the atheist counterpart to those religious folks who say ‘if you want to live morality free, be an atheist.  After all, everything is just matter, we are all just biological life forms, all meaning is an illusion, so just put it aside.  Kill or be killed, eat or be eaten, sex, drugs, screwing people over – it’s OK if you’re an atheist.  Atheists don’t believe in anything.  It’s not a very good argument for those atheists who have thought things through.  It’s not a very good argument for religious believers who have thought things through.  Same here.

  • AHAHAHAHAH!!!  Yeah, I thought I needed God to fix my anxiety issues.  Turned out I needed Prozac: 


  • The Other Weirdo

     Why the surprise?

  • The Other Weirdo

     Except, when atheists say these things, they put a humour tag on it.  Religious people say these things in full seriousness.

  • The Other Weirdo

     You may not find it useful–a subjective term–but others might.

  • How many times are you going to drag out the same, old, tired straw-man arguments, DG? Atheism is not the same thing as nihilism. I have never met an atheist who says that we should “kill or be killed, eat or be eaten,” etc. Are you arguing that atheists have no morals? Are you serious?

    Apparently your path away from atheism has also led you astray from any sort of rational thinking or logical processes whatsoever. Get a clue.

  • If by “mean-spirited”, you mean “brutally honest”, then yes, it is. And I see nothing wrong with that.

  • I don’t mean that, no. Are you saying you disagree that this article is mean-spirited? It’s satire, to be sure… of a sort… and I’m not someone who has any sympathy for the faithful, but come on: this post is not written from a “friendly atheist” perspective (whatever that means, it isn’t this).

  • NogahdzNoughmasters

    Very common thing I’ve noticed with the christian religion, it tends to take a pretty good idea (going with the flow, accepting of things you can’t change, etc) and drives off the rails right there at the end.  “yes, yes, that’s makes sense, right..wait whuh?!”

  • I don’t agree, P. J. Reed. If that was the case, I wouldn’t be complaining about the distressing change in tone (evidenced by this, and some other recent posts). It’s certainly difficult to write about religion from an atheist perspective; I compare it to an anthropologist writing about Mayan “technology” — it’s hard not to sound pretentious, when you’re talking about something so obviously archaic and unsophisticated. I’ve got no problem insulting religion to provoke debate.

    But I do wonder about the tenor of this particular piece… what’s the purpose other than to disguise nastiness as humor?

  • It sounds like you think I’m upset that people are dissing Christianity. That’s no the case. Instead, I’m curious about the message of this obviously (and ineffectively) sarcastic  post. It’s one thing to deconstruct a nonsensical belief; it’s another to gleefully rip it to shreds.

  • I agree that the poster has a point. And I even agree with that point. It’s the tone that I take issue with.

    In short, it reminds me of the responses people have when my wife tells them she’s a Vegan. It’s almost angry in some cases, confused and defensive, as if she’s trying to change them with her diet.

    I sense the same sort of angry defensiveness in this article, and it wasn’t fun to read. And I’ve been feeling that a lot from this blog lately (which hasn’t been the case in the years I’ve been following).

    So, I’m speaking up.

  • See?

  • Others

    nope, we don’t.

  • We just keep getting the same old “this isn’t friendly!” crap more and more everyday. Where on this site does it state that all posts will be demure and sweet-sounding and inoffensive?

    Also, what’s friendly to one may not be friendly to another. It’s subjective. Do I consider it friendly when somebody helpfully tells me what I believe in may be deluded and just plain wrong? Absolutely. But to some other people, it may be the most offensive thing you could possibly do.

    Can’t please ’em all.

  • The Other Weirdo

     No, you don’t. You don’t speak for others.

  • Glasofruix

    Atheists have morals you idiot, we just don’t think that a magic skydaddy has given them to us.

  • Except that you fail to consider the people who simply ignore patient deconstructions since it’s beneath them to think about their faith. Some of these are affected, instead, by the sudden realization that something that they have accepted unthinkingly for years is considered laughably naive by others – and they have no good response to this except complaining about tone.

    As for sarcasm being ineffective, please demonstrate this in any way that you wish. Note that I am not talking about someone not liking it; I’m talking specifically about whether the point hit home or not.

    Everyone has their own approach, some of us actually have multiple approaches. Why is this a bad thing?

    (Or, if you prefer, “What part of ‘the internet’ don’t you understand?” And now tell me such a response wouldn’t change your behavior.)

  • I’m curious… do you see the hypocrisy in what you wrote here? Subjectivity is precisely what I’m talking about. Why is your side of the discussion allowed and mine isn’t, from your view?

    How do you square it?

    My guess is you don’t care… and that’s completely fine. Perhaps the “this isn’t friendly” complaint is crap in your opinion, but being so dismissive of others’ opinions is pretty crap too if you ask me.

    For me, it’s hard to view this particular article as anything but mean-spirited anti-religious vitriol, whether or not it’s supposed to be satirical. And I don’t think it’s wise to just dismiss my views because you aren’t in agreement. If I’d known “this isn’t friendly” was some kind of trope here, I’d have used other words to avoid giving you the easy-out.

    But oh well. Have it your way.

    I don’t want to be pleased. I want to be proud to participate in this blog. And, with the last few posts I’ve read here, that feeling is fading fast. But instead of just leaving I’ve decided to speak up, see if anyone else shares my views.

    And obviously that ain’t you. Congratulations!

  • Everyone has their own approach, some of us actually have multiple approaches. Why is this a bad thing?

    Exactly… that is exactly what I’m saying. I find it interesting that you’ve simultaneously made my point while standing on the opposite side of it, and then dismissed it completely using condescending phraseology like “you’ve failed to consider” and “don’t you understand”.

    I’m not saying only one tone should be ever used, what I’m asking is if anyone else feels like the tone here has shifted over the past few months. Maybe it’s just me… which I clearly stated. And if it is just me, then obviously my outlook has changed and this blog isn’t a place I’ll be visiting any more. But I wanted to speak up first, and be sure.

    As for the ineffectiveness of sarcasm, I can say this: I found it to be mean-spirited. And that’s really the only evidence I need to “demonstrate” to back up my personal opinions. I didn’t really like Avatar either. Do you need some proof for that, too?

  • You seem to have misunderstood DG’s post, TerranRich. Try reading his/her reply again.

  • Wow, try reading DG’s post again. This time slower.

  • Glasofruix

    Now now, we all know that DG is a fundie troll, there’s no misunderstanding.

  • I didn’t really like Avatar either. Do you need some proof for that, too?

    No. I give about as much of a shit about that as I do about tone. But if all you’re doing is wringing hands over how it sounds, don’t try to hide behind claims of ineffectiveness like you did.

  • Others

    lighten up, dude. The name is Others, so clearly Others speaks for others (themselves). It’s a JOKE.

  • No, we don’t “all know” it. You’re the one calling people names.

    Man… I really have been blind, not noticing all the negativity around here. It’s too bad. And really, surprisingly distressing. Then again, this is the internet and I guess even atheists can be rude and petulant.

    I used to think it took a sort of evolved consciousness to embrace atheism and the cold dark of life’s inherent meaninglessness, but it’s probably good that you’re showing me the truth.

    Still, your attitude is really bumming me out, Glasofruix. I’d wonder how that makes you feel, but I think I can guess.

  • Jesus Christ it’s like talking to a rock wall. I don’t get where you’re coming from and I don’t understand why you’re so angry. So, well done! You’re far more stubborn than me. I’ll even give you the last word. Enjoy.

  • Makel

    Errrr….this is quite an ignorant / immature view of the Christian faith…Also, .’Your reality can only truly be constructed through your choosing, YOU have the power’ : REALLY? Social sciences may suggest quite a different view…..just sayin’

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