Christianity is a Fact because This Guy Says So April 30, 2012

Christianity is a Fact because This Guy Says So

Murray Lynch of Auburn, New York has a problem.

He has no idea what the word “fact” means. So in a letter-to-the-editor, he just throws it everywhere and hopes it’ll stick:

The proof that Jesus truly was the Son of God has been proven 100 percent. God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Ghost comprise the Holy Trinity. Everyone, even those who don’t believe in God, have guardian angels. They, too, have been proven 100 percent factual. Life after death has also been proven 100 percent factual.

It’s also a fact that those who choose to deny God’s existence cannot enter Heaven.

I can’t comprehend the stubbornness and bull-headedness of anyone and everyone who refuses to acknowledge the existence of God.

Jesus Christ actually walked the earth. That’s a fact. That’s not an Aesop’s Fable and that’s not malarky.

Adam and Eve believed in God. God actually talked to them. That’s another fact.

Got that, everyone? It’s all factual. Not malarky. So stop arguing about it, ok?!

At first, I was wondering why the Auburn Citizen would even publish a letter like that… and then I figured it out. It’s too hilarious not to print. They’re just *begging* for reader responses

(Thanks to @freechild85 for the link)

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  • Jim Thomason

    He’s right on some of those facts, though.

    Jesus Christ most likely did walk on the earth. I can be an atheist and totally cool with that. I just know that he was some dude that made some reasonable philosphical points, not the virgin-birthed son of an invisible man in the sky.

    It’s also a fact that those who choose to deny God’s existence cannot enter heaven. He just glosses over the fact that we can’t enter heaven because it doesn’t exist. Good Christians, Muslims, cactuses, dinosaurs, and the French also cannot enter heaven, what with it not being real and all. Might as well point out that good Christians cannot simply walk into Mordor, because that’s also pretend.

  • I occasionally hear people repeat moronic idioms in ironic fashion, and that’s also a fact. I’m rubber, you’re stupid. Na Na Na Na Na… Na. 

  • Well, I’m convinced. Guess I’ll go become a Christian now.

  • One does not simply… deny God’s existence! 😉

  • pagansister

    Really?  Facts?  And just what has that fellow been inhaling (aka smoking?)   

  • Justin Miyundees

    Boy do I have egg on MY face!

    Now that I see that all wrote down & sech, it shore maiks since.  Imma start findin’ Jeebus in the woodgrain, taterchips & cheese sammiches.  Thanks cousin Murray!

  • A fact is a fact and that’s a fact!

  • This guy is crazy. That has been proven 100% factual.

  • Coyotenose

    Comment-bait letters drive up hits and thus advertising revenue, and newspapers REALLY need that right now.

    One of my local papers has a neocon twit for a columnist who gave it away by accident. He says stupid shit on purpose so people will keep logging in to tear him apart, driving up hits.

  • From the article: “An atheist even experienced (after his heart stopped beating on the operating table) a frightening visit to Hell. The hellish demons started beating his severely right away.” 

    I had my severely beaten once. It was not a pleasant experience, let me tell you!

  • Matto the Hun

    Am I the only one who feels like the Auburn Citizen is taking advantage of the village idiot just to grab some eyeballs. “Come one, come all, see the freak show, ignorance so enormous it defies science!”

    I feel a little bit bad for him.

  • Lauren

     Dude, I am a regular Rastafarian, and still don’t believe that bullshit.  I have NEVER been that high…

  • Annie

    I could be a super model if I wanted to, but I just don’t need the money.  And that’s a FACT. 

  •  I beat my severely on a daily basis.

  • Lamocla

    Tide move in tide move out that’s fact, so god exist. Lol

  • I live near Auburn too 🙂

  • I’m pretty sure he’s using FACT as an acronym: Fallacious Assertion Contradicting Truthyness

  • pagansister

     Glad to hear it.  BTW, why did your reply end up in my personal email?  Doesn’t mean the author of the above “factual article” doesn’t. 

  • pagansister

     should be continuation of my post above to Lauren:   Meant to say “doesn’t mean the author of the above “factual article” doesn’t indulge in a bit of smoke.

  • mud raidman

    I really liked that the post has been categorized under HUMOR 🙂

  • Kevin_Of_Bangor

    How YOU doin’?

  • Annie

    I think that any post that contains the word “malarky” must be classified in the humor section.  I can’t stop laughing…

  • Annie

    I just read that in Joey Tribbiani’s voice… it’s impossible not to. 😉

  • Corby Ziesman

    I dont think its safe to say the case for Jesus as a historical figure is “likely”.  I read a book by David Fitzgerald called “Nailed: Ten Christian Myths That Show Jesus Never Existed At All” (I got it from smashwords but I see it on amazon now as well)… and found it really convincing.  Or rather, I now realize the case for a historical Jesus figure is really unconvincing.  I recommend it.  It’s one of those things I think should be required reading for any Christian, because it raises questions that quite frankly need to be accounted for in order to still claim a rational reason for belief.

  • Ray Mansell

    On the other hand… I consulted Google and found a lot more letters from this same guy over the past several years, and many of them are rants directed at Republicans and the obscenity of what American capitalism has turned into. So while he may be, ahem, misguided in his religious beliefs, he also seems sincere in his condemnation of the huge inequity in the distribution of wealth in this country.

  • Kevin_Of_Bangor

    My job is done here 🙂

  • Edmond

    I’m not only wondering why the Auburn Citizen published this, I’m kind of wondering why Hemant did.  So there are crazy people in the world, writing letters to the editor.  Um, neat?  Ha ha?  This cuckoo doesn’t need anyone’s further attention, least of all ours.

  • slantrhyme

    I was wondering if you were going to give us a clue about where in the US this was from (you didn’t even state that it was from the US, but c’mon, it’s a given), or if we were going to start taking bets.  But, never mind, you gave it away.  The Auburn Citizen.  I was going to say Alabama anyways.  Anyone else?  

  • Jeff

    No, it’s not impossible… I was using the “Matt Foley: Motivational Speaker” voice.

  • Bubba Tarandfeathered

     Ah Ha! The Jewish Hipster Preacher argument rears its ugly head once again.  X number of historians, who’s religious leanings are ambiguous at best, say that due to the X number of books they have publish (and subsequently made a living off of) that this is the body of proof for the existence of  a historical “Jewish Hipster Preacher.”

    OK, so let us propose that over the next twenty years a notable group of Ph.D accredited scholars all write books claiming the existance of Pink Unicorns because ancient Internet Blogs all made claims that said Pink Unicorns existed. I’m pretty certain that the believers in the Pink Unicorn Myth will all fervently claim its 100% existence.

    The only physical evidence proving their claims are documents authored by past theological historians, a few ambiguous letters, and non-scholarly accounts from “many years after” (I cannot stress that fact any clearer) the supposed resurrection.  I’m not going to argue against the “crucifixion” since the Romans reported a host of crucifixions of claimants of the Jewish throne. (apparently not enough) Oddly, there are absolutely no secular documents, written in that exact moment of history and still in existence today, about this seemingly “Super Important Historical Figure.”

    Go figure.

    A likely scenario, backed by 2000+ years of effort, is that any contradicting documents have been destroyed or rewritten.  Lest we forget the the prime example of the  Spanish Inquisition (whom nobody expected) did an exemplary job of ridding the world of non canonical texts and books.

    Show me the physical evidence or GTFO.

  • Lucilius

    I’ve worked at half a dozen papers in the last 15 years, and I can tell you (for a FACT, hee hee!) that it’s not necessarily journalistic negligence or deliberate comment-baiting on the newspaper’s part to print letters like this.

    These are just the letters we get.

    Oh, some high-toned papers and those with enormous circulations can pick and choose insightful and informative letters from a thoughtful readership. But most small- to mid-size papers just don’t get many letters to the editor, and those that do come in are divided between people furious (and thus usually irrational) on one particular issue, and a well-known set of diligent local cranks. Useful and intelligent letters are few and far between. We journalists regularly roll our eyes at them, when we bother to read them at all.

    Nor would it even be necessary to troll for responses with deliberately provoking letters; your average story on the local sewer works will suffice quite well. If you spend any time in the online comments section of your local paper, you’ll soon see that almost all of the comments come from just a few dozen people who apparently have nothing better to do than gripe, because there is absolutely no pleasing them. These are, obviously, a tiny minority of our readers – just today, as it happens, I estimated roughly that commenters at my own paper represent perhaps one in 3,000 of its readers; and they’re not at all representative, as results from the last several local elections have shown.

  • Keulan

    Wow that guy is stupid. He seems to be confusing opinions with facts. Just because you assert that something is fact, doesn’t make it true. Reality does not work that way.

  • Represent! I used to live just outside the ‘city’ (I guess it qualifies) and was actually a journalism Explorer – an extension of the Boy Scouts – in The Citizen’s building. This was back when typesetting was done on a computer, but pasteup was still done by hand using waxers 😉

    Come to think of it, I also attended one of Auburn’s baptist churches for a while, at the invitation/insistence of a born-again friend, which as it turned out became my first step towards atheism. They played pretty fast and loose with the ‘facts’ themselves, so perhaps Mr Lynch is a disciple.

  • “Fact.”

    You keep using that word.

    I don’t think it means what you think it means,

  •  Dude, I dunno if it’s possible to GET that high…

    I’ve tried, and I usually pass out somewhere between, “Oh, man, I’m starving” and “Whoa, look at my paws!”

  • Jeff Xenobuilder

    Sadly, I think it can be argued that a large percentage of people actually do ink it works that way.

  • Jett Perrobone

    Murray Lynch: *lights up, inhales*
    God: “Hi there.”
    Murray: *spliff falls out of mouth* “What the f***??”
    God: “Good day to you too.  My name’s God.”
    Murray:  “Where did you come from?
    God: “I was twiddling my thumbs up in Heaven waiting for you to pick up that joint.  I can’t tell people FACTS unless they’re high.”
    Murray: “Facts? Such as…?”
    God:  “Well, that I’m all powerful, for one.  Also -”
    Murray: “Wow!  That’s amazing!  Um… hang on a sec…”
    God:  “What is it?”
    Murray: “You just told me that you can’t tell people facts unless they’re high.  That means you’re NOT all powerful.”
    God: “I was lying when I said that people have to be high.”
    Murray: “Oh… all right.”
    God: “Another FACT is… I never lie.”
    Murray: “Wait, you just said…”
    God: “What I meant was, I always stand.  People who lie down are lazy.”
    Murray: “Um… okay.  So, how do you know that all these things are facts?”
    God: “Look kid, when you’ve been sitting up on a throne in heaven for 6000 years, you LEARN a few things during that time.”
    Murray: “A-ha!  You said before that you always stand.  But just then you said you’ve been…”
    God: “That was a lie.”
    Murray: *brain breaks*
    God: *looking at watch* “Hmmm… it usually doesn’t take that long.  Oh well.  Here Murray, memorise the following FACTS and post a letter to the editor in one of your country’s God-sanctioned newspapers.  One:  Christianity is true.  Two:  Atheists are idiots.  Three: …” *etc*
    Murray: “YES MY LORD.”
    God: “Good boy.”  *pats on head*  “I’ll see you next time you are high. Bye-bye!”

  •  I understand where your coming from (I think) but what you say only works if you don’t take the Bible & some other extra-canonical texts into consideration as factual evidence for this Jesus fellow. Personally i find it too much of a stretch to believe some preacher called Jesus didn’t exist around that time, even if all the miracles & a lot of other stuff was made up. I expect this disagreement will never be resolved but, does it really matter? Whether he actually existed or not has no bearing on him being the Son of any God or any God existing at all.

  •  Joey Tribbiani never existed, except in the minds of some people who wrote some scripts & stuff;-P

  • Replace the word “Fact” with “Sexy-time” & it’s really funny, silly but funny;-P

  •  Oh, you married too?

  • No no you guys. He wasn’t saying “fact.” He meant “facet.” “Faith is a fact! I mean, facet…”

  • Baby_Raptor

    A good laugh. Laughing is good for you, and a lot of people need some in their lives nowadays. 

  • Fsq

    What else can you expect from someone in central New York and the Syracuse region?

    I did my undergraduate at Syracuse Uni and I can say that the Syracuse region – that includes auburn – is possibly one of the worst a read of the country in just so many ways. And it is a northeast bible belt.

    The guy is a typical rust belt retard.

  • Darthcynic

    There is actually quite a strong argument – and many poor versions of it I might add – that this Jesus lad may very well not have physically existed.  Of course the physical existence of the man is neither here nor there for atheists as existence does not automatically mean he was also the son of god all gussied up with awesome powers.  His non-existence, however, I imagine would be an extremely difficult proposition for Christians to overcome and perhaps a catastrophic blow to all but the most dedicated at that.
    I’d recommend that any who are interested in checking out the case for Jesus as myth read Earl Doherty, who has a lot of free stuff online (, and Richard Carrier an historian that specialises in this period (  Carrier also has a book on this very subject coming out next year called On the Historicity of Jesus Christ, he really knows his stuff so it should be well worth checking out when it arrives.

  • Drakk

     I accidentally my severely, is this bad?

  • Bubba Tarandfeathered

    But I do have two theories that support the “jesus existence claims.” Bear with me though they are quite radical but not without merit since they came to me via an ex-Jesuit priest.

    First he posits that christianity was a carefully planed form of propaganda designed to end the occupation of Israel by the Romans.
    Simply put christianity is a consolidation of pagan beliefs combined with Judaic traditions.
    Apparently many Romans at the time felt that there were just too many gods and rituals to contend with and that belief in a single god would be more simplistic for the busy roman life. So by replacing pagan traditions and by making jesus the central figure of worship, then that would simplify the Roman belief system and thus conversion to Judaism/christianity ends the occupation. (Demigods become saints and so on.)

    His other theory is that jesus was a Buddhist monk.
    The Jews would of course be threatened by Buddhism and would promote this monks demise by the hands of the Romans.
    But seeing how easily many young Jews were caught up into this monks ideals, we then circle back to the first theory.

    By placating a new schism within the Judaic religion and promoting the conversion of Romans, the wise Jewish priesthood ends up killing two birds with one stone.

  • Patterrssonn

    I ink you’re right.

  • Fsq

    Daniel Patrick Moynihan has a great quote:

    everyone is entitled to their opinion, but everyone is NOT entitled to their own facts.

    Sums it up quite nicely.

  • CultOfReason

    It’s a fact that the word ‘fact’ is, in fact, often misconstrued as fact.

  • FACT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • This guy is a moronic dingus. FACT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Coyotenose

     *raises eyebrow and focuses attention as a blip appears on his Furrydar*

  • Guilty as charged.

  • T-Rex

    Rucking fediculous!

  • T-Rex

    So ranting about the inequity in the distribution of wealth in this country makes him less misguided in your opinion? Being fiscally liberal with other peoples monies doesn’t make you rational, logical or smart.  It makes you a liberal, nothing more. In this guy’s case, it makes him a delusional liberal, nothing more.

  • Edmond

    True enough.  And it was certainly laughable.

  • JWH

    Setting aside some of the spurious “facts” regarding Adam and Eve, it strikes me that the fact of Jesus’ existence is somewhat irrelevant to the atheist question.

    Yes, the historicity of Jesus is an interesting field for academics.  No question.    But how is that relevant to the truth or falsity of the religious paradigm?

    Yes, it is entirely possible that around twenty centuries ago, the Romans executed Yeshua, a popular philosopher/teacher.  One can accept that possibility without lending credence to such things as miracles or the belief that that philosopher was divine offspring.

  • Fact. You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

  • To people trying to follow those links: remove the “)” from the end of the URL.

  • Once, I lost my severely. I found it two weeks later. It was stuck between the cushions in the couch and its battery had died.

  • amycas

    Very true. I worked for a college newspaper, so you would expect that more of the letters would be well-written. Sadly, only a few were. A friend asked me what they could do to get the newspaper to publish her letter and I told her,”Use correct spelling and grammar and you’ll be far-and-above the rest.”

    *Checks comment for obvious spelling/grammar mistakes.

  • brewmaster

    I especially liked the Rules for Commenting.  Especially #3.

    (3) Be truthful. Don’t lie about anyone or anything.

    Apparently that only applies to comments to articles/letters and not the articles/letters themselves.

  • David S.

    Show me any evidence for anyone that long ago.  It seems that the level of evidence demanded for Jesus’s existence would wipe virtually any Ancient Greek from history; we have a few incestuous documents  claiming that people like Epictetus, Socrates, or Aristophanes existed but all we have is a few sheets of papyrus written at least as far from their purported existence as the first record testifying to Jesus’s existence.

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