At Christian Conference, Boys Must Use the Escalators April 6, 2012

At Christian Conference, Boys Must Use the Escalators

Christian Life College — a school in Chicago — is holding its annual Ascension Convention this weekend at a hotel near O’Hare Airport.

As it turns out, one of my readers has a connection to the hotel where this convention is happening and noticed these signs plastered all over the place:

Ok… time to play the game of “What the hell are the Christians thinking?”

Option 1) We can’t have a girl and a boy and NO ONE ELSE in an elevator together! They would jump each other. We all know Christians can’t keep their pants on in elevators. And don’t even get me started on a full elevator with multiple boys and girls… Orgy-sus!

Option 2) We can’t have girls using the escalators! They could fall off and hurt themselves! Must keep them sheltered in a box. Much like we do in all the other areas of their lives.

Option 3) We can’t have girls using the escalators! What if the escalators broke down?! Then the girls would have to climb stairs! Jesus never wanted Christian women to break a sweat.

Option 4) We can’t have girls using the escalators! They have to step on and step off at just the right time… it’s too much thinking! Let’s just have them push a button. They can handle that. Maybe.

As it turns out, the escalators aren’t working, so it looks like the Christian boys are in for a bit of a workout this weekend. Praise be to Jesus, though, the womenfolk will get to avoid the grueling workout.

(Thanks to Jessica for the image!)

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  • JohnnieCanuck

    It’s an ‘Ascension’ convention. You don’t suppose that has something to do with their concerns about elevators, escalators and stairs?

  • What about boys with disabilities who can’t use escalators? Let’s hope it’s enough to wake them up so they can come join the godless hoard.

  • Erin W

    Option 5) We can’t have girls using the escalators, boys might be able to see up their skirts, the brazen hussies.

  • kingasaurus

    Maybe they think someone can look up a girl’s skirt if she’s using an escalator?

    I don’t know. it’s hopelessly weird.

  • John Small Berries

    Are non-convention hotel guests obliged to obey the signs? It could be disaster if a good Christian girl gets into an elevator with a sinful non-Christian boy!

  • gski

     God will heal them as long as they aren’t amputees.

  • Doesn’t that violate the constitution? What if women were forced to use the stairs? What if it was black people?

  • Josh

    Wasn’t it us atheists that had trouble with boys and girls on the same elevator not too long ago?

  • Andrew Morgan

    They’re probably trying to avoid uncomfortable situations where men ask women if they’d like to come back to their rooms for late-night coffee.

  • GregPeterson

    Putting the “L” back in L-evator, am I right?

    Just wish I could be a mouse in the corner for the inevitable hot girl-on-girl elevator action.  Heaven on the seventh floor indeed, my Christesbian lubbers.

    OK, far-fetched and if insulting to anyone, I apologize, but how do you even satirize something this silly?  If the theocrats ever do take over, it’ll be the death of comedy.

  • OverlappingMagisteria

    I vote for #1. The sign does not explicitly prevent girls from using the escalator so the other options don’t work.
    Although, if the escalators were broken before the signs went up, it could be an attempt in forcing the men to be “gentlemen” and allow the women to have more elevator space so they don’t have to climb stairs.

  • giovanni

    When I was in high school I went to a summer camp (completely nonreligious) which was held in a multistory dorm building at a nearby university where we did much the same thing.

    I can’t remember exactly what the rules were, but I think it was that girls could use the elevators whenever, but boys could only use them during the first and last weekends (when moving in and out of dorm rooms).  Otherwise boys had to take the stairs.  There were some exceptions of course (the guy on crutches could take the elevator, etc).

    I believe the intention was a sort of institutionalized chivalry, though I don’t think any reasons were explicitly given.  It was just one of those rules the organization had, on par with having to always wear our name tags and not being allowed to play “spoons”. 

    If I remember correctly, the result of the policy was that very few people over all would take the elevator.  Most girls opted to take the stairs.  Of course, I’m a guy, so I was never on the elevator.  For all I know, there were massive lady groups constantly being ferried from level to level.

  • So girls and boys will be “ascending” by different means. Gotta keep their hands off each others’ ass ends. These people are not that far from Muslims who insist on segregated worship services. Their desert tribal roots still show.

    What if a boy who has nothing to do with the Ascension Convention is staying in the hotel?  Will he be kicked off the elevator?  I can hear the lawyers’ hands rubbing together now.

  • Anonymous

     I, too, would like to know this, and I’m guessing the answer is a resounding “no.”  Considering the size of the hotels near O’Hare, they have a LOT of guests and there’s no question that some of those guests are male people with disabilities that force them to use the elevator.

    Me, I’d go and use the elevator just to send a big “Fuck you and your sexist bullshit” message to the convention.

  • Gunstargreen

    The first thing I’d do if I was a hotel guest is use the elevator. The second thing I’d do is go to the front desk and demand that the manager rip their signs down.

  •  skepchick must be over the moon.

  • You don’t know how hard “Orgy-sus” made me laugh.

  • Gary Hill

    Oh dear, what about the ones that God made transgendered, intersex people or who really aren’t quite sure where they fall?

  • Pepe

    And these adult college students are fine with being reffered to as boys and girls?

  • If girls used escalators, boys would look up their skirts.

  • Actually, I think Skeptchick would approve of this.

  • Erik Cameron

    It’s been too long since I had a good elevator orgy.

  • James M

    Too soon, man. Too soon.

  • Marco Conti

    I vote for this one

  • Erin W

    If we had passed the ERA maybe.  Alas…

  • And why, pray tell, would that be?

  •  And penises.

  •  How about you bother to explain how you managed to come to that conclusion rather than drive by derail.

  • Jen

    Poor Hemant has seemed to have gathered quite the number of dumbass anti-Skepchick idiots.

  • ftsor

    Here we go again. 

  •  They don’t exist according to some Christians.

  • Because not wanting to be propositioned in isolated circumstances is EXACTLY the same as segregating people based on arbitrary characteristics, right?

    And also because you’re a shitbag.

  • Maybe the straw-version of her that exists only in your head would.  The real Skepchick, not so much.

  •  And I’ll bet you’re pretty thrilled that you get to attack straw-feminists instead of acknowledging the fact that many men treat women like objects and that that’s a shitty way for the world to operate.

  • Kevin_Of_Bangor

    And then the Christian girls gone wild DVD would hit the stores..

  •  My thoughts exactly.

  • What about boys in wheelchairs?  Does God provide Angels to carry them?

  • Jbuchy

    Methinks they listen to too many Aerosmith songs.

  • Michael

    An atheist and a christian walked into an elevator….

  • Flockofchickens

    An escalator can never break, it can only become stairs.

  • Tr2v

    That’s still fucked up no matter what “reason” they give.

  • I read it as only girls may use the elevator, not girls may only use the elevator.

    Subtle but important distinction: orgy on the escalator.

  •  Exactly what I was thinking!

  •  I’ll admit that I snickered a little bit at that. But, um… if I’m laughing at it, it’s probably not funny.

  • Maybe the plot goes much deeper.  Maybe they put up those signs knowing that they would get leaked to an atheist blog and cause a flamewar as people relive Elevatorgate all over again.

  • The Vicar

    Sadly untrue. Escalators can break down by having a step collapse, releasing anyone standing on it into the machinery, where they presumably suffer a painful and grisly fate. (Although that is admittedly rare. Then again, when was the last time you heard of an elevator breakdown which was more serious than the elevator just standing still?)

  • The Captain

    “men treat women like objects”

    Speaking of straw man.

  • PJB863

    I don’t think these rules go far enough:  1)  it says nothing about females wearing black patent leather shoes; 2) it says nothing about females wearing pearls; and 3) it mentions ABSOLUTELY nothing about the deadly danger from white tablecloths!  (snark)

    What’s this world coming to?!!!

  • Dan D.

    Skepchick. That is all.

  • The Captain

    Maybe if she didn’t act like the leader of some cool kids high school clique (actually it’s the “cool kids blogger clique) and “internet humiliate” anyone who comes from different cultural norms as her she wouldn’t put so many people off.

  • Before I clicked on the comments, I was trying to guess how far into the comments it would be before someone referenced this.  I’m actually a little impressed by how long it took.

  •  Don’t get me started on elevators, please. I’m disabled, I have no other options, and I’m already not a fan of the damned things.

  • The inane references to that event, as well as the continued refusal to understand the situation properly and with context, are just ridiculous at this point. Pathetic, even.

  •  You mean maybe if she stayed in her place like a good girl?

  • SteveS

    Is there no end to the controlling behavior of the people in charge of these religions? Come on – isn’t their god all-knowing and all-powerful. If it was important to ‘him’ wouldn’t he just part the sexes like he parted the waters and keep them on opposite sides of the elevator??? Most of these fundies are Calvinists. They believe in the elect. Surely no member of the elect has to worry about temptation.

  • The Captain

    Actually most of the girls I know who are skeptics can’t stand her. 

    And if you think those girls are the kind to stay in some place… your a fool.

    But thanks for the nice attempt to smear someone because they don’t like your little internet hero. Pathetic.

  • She said “many men” not “all men” or even “most men”.

    Speaking of straw man.

  • Nordog

     I’m trying to find a way to tie this in to a comment regarding Teen Girl Squad from, but I cannot.  So, instead, just check them out.

  • How many boys do you know who are skeptics?

  • Aren’t they afraid the girls will have a lesbian sex orgy in the elevators?

  • Nordog

     True: many men treat women like objects.  And, many women treat men like rapists.  And, many atheist women treat atheist men like many  atheists treat Christians.

    It’s all pretty funny to watch, actually.

  • Nordog

     That’s usually the case isn’t it?

  • Anonymous
  • The Captain

    Around the same number, my friend pool is roughly 50/50.

  •  Exactly what I was thinking.  Coincidentally, I watch a lot (too much?) of Japanese anime.

  •  And technically, all they’d have to do is, like remove their socks and shoes, and hold hands.

    Yes, you can have an orgy without sex ever being involved.

  •  No such thing as too much anime~♥

  • Antfaber

    My thought, too. That and the possibility of some frottage in the elevator.

  • Nordog

     “Yes, you can have an orgy without sex ever being involved.”

    That sounds horrible.

  • Antfaber

    If you’re responding to “They’re probably trying to avoid uncomfortable situations where men ask
    women if they’d like to come back to their rooms for late-night coffee.”, I might have said something like that, and I pretty much agree with her. In fact the way she was treated has alienated me from the atheist community.

  • It’s only as fun as you make it, Nordog!

  • J David Eisenberg

    They’re just carrying on the Orthodox Jewish tradition of “yichud” (

  • Ella

    *rolls eyes*
    We had problems with a woman politely pointing out that hitting on women who don’t know you when they’re in an environment where they’re isolated and potentially feeling physically vulnerable, probably isn’t the best way to go about things and certain (predominately male) atheists taking the comment way out of proportion.

  • Sp0ons as in hitting them against your knee in a old timey blue grass band fashion?

  • yes, because any criticism of something someone publicly posts on the internet is automatically sexist if that someone is a woman.

  • i forgot. she is exempt from criticism or satire because she is a woman. forgive me.

  • Zeggman

     We can’t always get what we want. The guy who propositioned her didn’t want to be turned down in private and put down in public. The “arbitrary” characteristics are what made the two-person encounter in an elevator such a big deal to her. If a male skeptic talked at length about how he was tired of being hit on, and was subsequently cornered in an elevator by a woman who hit on him, he might find her clueless and desperate but probably wouldn’t find her threatening.

    Say what you like about this segregation at a Christian conference, but a moment’s honest consideration will lead one to conclude that it’s designed to prevent precisely the sort of situation Skepchick decried.

  • KRGrace

    I was on an elevator with Rebecca when the Church executed Galileo…well, they didn’t, really, but PZ said it was the same thing…

  • Anonymous

    “Ok… time to play the game of “What the hell are the Christians thinking?”

    Looks like the end game of the “elevator guy” incident. I had to chuckle.

  • Anonymous

    LOL, I had the same thought.

  • Allison

    Poor Jen. She’s turning into another Rebecca Watson.

  • Anonymous

    With Skepchick there was nothing inherent in the situation that the quite polite proposition made more dangerous. This solution solves all the actual imagined dangers she worried about, like being trapped in an elevator with a man who might just be a rapist who likes to make sure he is seen leaving the bar following his victim, and registering at an event so the police could easily track him down.

  • Allison

    Your false narrative of what precipitated the debate certainly doesn’t speak for me, sweetheart.

  • Allison

    Skepchick can speak for herself as to when she wants/does not want to be “propositioned”. When she claims to be speaking for ME she’s just being a twat.

  • Allison

    Actually if you go to YouTube and search for “DC Escalator Malfunctions Spilling Crowd Into Lobby” you can watch a true escalator fail.

  • Anonymous

    Why do you feel the need to have Joe acknowledge that “many men” treat women as objects. That didn’t even happen in the elevator case. The guy showed interest in her obnoxious ideas, and even asked for consent to hear more of her nonsense in his room, with mutually beneficial side activities. He certainly didn’t just pick her up and use her like a fleshlight. How many times have we heard women complain in this way and mock their suitors only to turn around and accept a similar proposition made by a different male. He was treating her like a woman, not an object, precisely because so many woman act this way. I fact some of the best operators are complete assholes because many women reward such behavior. Maybe you should complain about your fellow women.

  • Anonymous

    Really? … And how do most Christians treat atheists? Forgot that part of the joke, didn’t you. Look no further than Jersey Shore for examples of what many Christians are up to.

  • Anonymous

    Because it will make her safe from being trapped on elevators with potential rapists, and the inconvenience of being talked up by men she doesn’t wish to bed despite her need to advertise her body on her web site.

  • Ella

    Well that’s ok, possum.  I just prefer to have the facts speak for me . 😛

  • Anonymous

    … and give skepchick some credit for making an “object” of herself with her nude calendar pictures.

    Those are both cite quotes and scare quotes.

  • Anonymous

    Oh, the “many” makes it ok? Then you wouldn’t mind being asked to acknowledge that many woman are irrational sluts by one of those many men. I guess blacks shouldn’t mind such demands to acknowledge nasty characteristics that “many” of them are up to either.

  • Damn fight too.  If a clumsy come on caused a flame war in the atheist blogsphere, just imagine what the christians would do.  

    Prolly just condemn the action and move on.  In retrospect, they missed a great opportunity to make themselves look good.

  • Anonymous

    Yes, how dare an atheist question irrational drivel.

  • Anonymous

    Wasn’t it her who was trying to keep men in their place?

  • Anonymous

    Prevents veiled heterosexual elevator propositions.

  • Anonymous

    Says someone who self identifies as “perverted” in their “about me” on their web site and then demands respect. Who’s a dumbass again?

  • Anonymous

    Oh, we get it. This is the woman who confuses Reddit with atheists and decides she hates the latter because of the former, as in “Reddit makes me hate atheists”. Same kind of false reasoning informs her crusade with elevator guy, because like stereotypes are true, correlation proves causation,, and self selection is a male atheist conspiracy. The woman has a screw loose.

  • Anonymous

    Except they are Christians. Look at the bottom of the sign.

  • Anonymous

    The elevator is like a giant vagina opening it’s labium to unsuspecting virgin male Christians. Seems reasonable to me.

  • Nordog

    Brain, you can watch Jersey Shore if you feel that you must. 

    Me? I’ve seen those people featured in the “news” and regret that I even know who they are. 

    If I never see that show it will be soon enough.  However, please clear something up for me.

    Are you saying that the show is about Chrisitanity and represents what it is to be a Christian?

    Or, are you just (_!_) hurt because I get a kick when the feminist atheists treat the guys, well, like the atheists treat Christians?

    Oh, and FTR, I clicked “Like” instead of “Reply” by mistake.

  • Nordog

    Actually it says, “liberal, geeky, nerdy, scientific, perverted feminist atheist”.

    It’s like a seven word redundancy for “feminist”.

  • Corey

    as a man, a gay man, i confess…i treat men like sex objects…like whistling construction workers, when groups of us heathens get together, we give it to the men while they arent paying attention….gawking at the woman passing by….lol

  • Dschiff

    Making fun of “creepy dudes” at atheist meet-ups is what a popular middle-school girl does.

    In a serious group, those statements are hurtful, undeserved and unprofessional. Not to mention counter-productive.

    There are plenty of serious feminist gripes inside and outside of the atheist community. And they should be expressed by serious people.

  • Anonymous

    Yeah, because what she wants is to be propositioned in public. How’s that strategy working out for you? I thought she was reasonable when she said that she didn’t want to be propositioned after she just got done explaining she wasn’t in the mood but then it morphed into the core reason women don’t show up at atheist meetings. Ya see it’s only male atheists that behave badly in bars. Meanwhile she’s totally oblivious to the fact that the reason why there might be a lot of action for women at atheist clubs is precisely because male atheists ARE interested in their minds, and odds are they don’t run into like minded women in the wild. If they were only interested in women as bodies there are the dumb, drunk, and more attractive, and more accessible chicks down at the local bar.

  •  “Say what you like about this segregation at a Christian conference, but a
    moment’s honest consideration will lead one to conclude that it’s
    designed to prevent precisely the sort of situation Skepchick decried.”

    You might want to provide evidence as to why you think this was designed to “make women safe” from unwanted advances.

    There was nothing in this flyer that could possibly prevent non-Ascension attendees from using whichever ascension method they choose. So that means anytime female Ascension attendee is on the elevator  she is continually at risk of being on it with a male hotel guest that is a non-Ascension attendee. So unless you want to provide evidence that shows that Ascension organizers considered male Ascension attendees to be a greater threat to “their women” than the other hotel guests, then there is no reason whatsoever to suggest that this was designed to keep women safe.

    Of course you only want to suggest this as a slippery slope argument designed to demonize a suggestion on the part of Watson (a suggestion that you are perfectly entitled to ignore if you consider too restrictive).

  • Didn’t take long for someone to associate a pussy with something undesirable. I happen to really enjoy twats, I think I will side with them.

  •  It does nothing to prevent anything of the sort. It simply segregates Ascension attendees by their sex.

  • Anonymous

    It’s just as representative of how Christian men and women treat each other as what you are getting your yuks about with some fairly unrepresentative hyper feminist atheists. Although it’s likely the Jersey short type Christians far out number whatever you are talking about.

  • Anonymous

    Is possum sorta like coon?

  • FSq

    SWEEET! Girl fight!!!! Let’s get some oil and jello in a kiddy pool, and watch the sexy hijinx ensue!!!!!

  •  So a person who admits to having kinks automatically forfeits respect?

  • Nordog

    Don’t know about Mr. Macker, but given the zeitgeist around here I”m pleasantly surprised there are still some things that can qualify as a kink.

  • Anonymous

    Kinda hard to demand respect when you are a hypocrite.   They’re just too lady like to be asked some veiled proposition yet there’s no problem with self identifying as a pervert in a widely deseminated forum.   

    The guy on the elevator wasn’t even a pervert.   He asked something to the effect of  “Don’t take this the wrong way but I find you very interesting and I would like to talk more, would you like to come up to my room for coffee?”   Which Skepchick said made her uncomfortable.    Kinda hard to believe that this kind of thing makes openly perverted women “uncomfortable”. so I don’t see where Jen has a leg to stand on.   Likewise, Skepchick when she posts nude pictures of herself.   These are not exactly wilting flowers.

    Kinda hard to make people believe you are uncomfortable with such a veiled proposition when you like to be tied up and have your nipples whipped, have sex with children, be anally violated, having sex with animals, or whatever else someone would naturally think when she communicated by calling herself perverted.

    One might have to do some internet search or personally question her to know what exactly she means but she isn’t bright enough to figure that out.   I did the search and found this:

    “Not perverted in the literally sense – I’m not masturbating with kittens or peeping into windows. My mind is just constantly in the gutter. I’m *always* thinking about sex. My mind is constantly thinking “That’s what she said” and taking things out of context. I’m that person who will go cloud gazing and everything will look like a schlong. I like gossiping out sex and will start divulging private things way too soon to new friends. I’m pervy!” – Blaghag

    Doesn’t sound like someone who needs to be protected from males propositioning her.   In fact, it sounds like shes the type of girl that makes elevator propositions a winning strategy.

    I got no problem with this.  She can think about sex all she wants.  I’ve got a problem with the hypocrisy however when she thinks that it is a problem when some subset of men do the same thing.   

  • Anonymous

    I disagree.   Feminists are as a varied as other political groups.   Ranging from full on nuts to the perfectly rational.    There are conservative sexy non-scientific religious feminists, and every other combination.

  • I don’t think that’s really fair in this context. I essentially agreed with Rebecca in that situation but still found Andrew Morgan’s comment here pretty funny. 

  • Anonymous

    I’m pretty sure that preventing male Ascension attendees from using the elevator will prevent their ability to make veiled propositions to women on the elevators.   Unless maybe they have psychic powers.

    Oh did you mean it wouldn’t prevent such propositions at atheist meetings because we don’t follow such rules, or wouldn’t prevent other males?  Well that wasn’t what I meant.

    This would certainly prevent such elevator propositions by atheists if we took up this policy at atheist conferences.  Of course, that assumes people would follow the rule.

  • Nordog

    Brian, you are, of course, completely correct in this regard.  Mea culpa.

  • Anonymous

    Never mind, i didn’t read your post properly.

  • Anonymous

    I’m guessing these folks are big fans of the Christian side-hug.

  • The Captain’s quote (deliberately?) omitted a word that substantially changes the meaning of Sasha’s original quote, an ironically he did it while complaining about straw men arguments. 

    Since when is that kind of hypocrisy okay in an argument?

  • Andy

    heeeheeeheee… said frottage….

  • Atheismtv

    One word for you:


  • Nordog

    Beware the frottage cheese.

  • While I know that you must be intentionally being this obtuse, I will go back to your original statement which says nothing about preventing Ascension attendees from making the veiled propositions just that it will prevent them overall. I agree it will prevent male Ascension attendees from propositioning female ascension attendees in elevators but it does nothing to prevent other male hotel guests from making propositions whatsoever. It therefore does nothing to protect “their women” from anyone but “their men.” So unless you assume that they think of “their men” as more dangerous than other men then this flyer is not designed to protect women but merely to prevent consensual sex.

  •  Yep pure unfettered obtuseness. Once again does nothing to protect her except from a small group of men who would probably be uninterested in her anyway. Nor did she ever recommend segregation as a solution. But obtuse assholes don’t really care what she said, just about their interpretation about what she said. Have fun making this all about Watson. I am too busy and tired to deal with this shit right now so if you consider me giving this up to be you winning have fun gloating.

  • brianmacker

    “While I know that you must be intentionally being this obtuse”
    I have to explain a mocking joke to you and you think I’m the one that is obtuse?
    You  do get that she is being mocked and that there is no actual claim that she has suggested sexual segregation right? Obviously not.

    “I agree it will prevent male Ascension attendees but it does nothing to prevent other male hotel guests from making propositions whatsoever. ”

    Skepchick was having an issue with atheists propositioning her in elevators, not the general public.  Therefore it will solve her problem.   The joke isn’t about solving why the Ascension group is doing what they are doing, and is immaterial to the mocking that is being done.

    I hope you are aware that Skepchick had a history of bigoted assumptions about male atheists prior to elevator guy.   This was one more little tidbit of false evidence to go on her pile of stereotypes to generate bigotry against male atheists.  I suggest you look up “Reddit makes me hate atheists” to see her reasoning skills in action.  

    She is exactly the kind of person who wouldn’t grasp that other people might just use the elevator other than atheists because she’s too dense to figure out that commenters on Reddit, even in atheists forums, aren’t restricted to atheists.  Which is just one more juicy layer to the comedy of this joke.

    Surprise, surprise, atheists men don’t like being stereotyped by bigots.    She kept digging the hole deeper too, compiling mor an more “evidence” aka “anecdotes” to feed her bigotry.

  • brianmacker

    Again, you are obtuse if you don’t get the joke.  See my other comment.   Skepchick had an agenda with this, and her actions before and after indicate that this was an an instance of her checking off one more stereotype to feed her prejudices.

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