Update on the Archdiocese of Montreal’s Prayer: It Didn’t Work March 29, 2012

Update on the Archdiocese of Montreal’s Prayer: It Didn’t Work

By Hemant Mehta
March 29, 2012

Remember when the Archdiocese of Montreal took out a full page newspaper ad that showed an idealized version of how the NHL Eastern Conference would finish? They hoped their team, the Montreal Canadiens, would finish in the top eight and secure a playoff spot:

(Paul Chaisson - The Canadian Press)

The Canadiens were purposely left off the list of 15 teams and replaced by the word “Prions” — French for “let Us Pray” — in the 8th slot. (Yep, the English translation of “prion” makes that even funnier.)

So how did that prayer work out for the church?

Not so well…

The Canadiens are currently in last place:

They won’t be making it to the playoffs this season.

Does anyone know when the Church is going to address the media as to why all their prayers failed? Because I’d like tickets for that.

(Thanks to Jay for the link)

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  • Oh I’m sure they’ll say it’s God’s will, that he works in mysterious ways, that it makes them stronger people, blah blah blah, eh.

  • Matthew Eckermann

    Exactly. Which still begs the question … why pray when the SOB does whatever the hell he wants anyway?? 🙂

  • Stephen Burrows

    Ha, I can’t stand Montreal.  Being from Toronto, there is something wonderful about seeing the Habs on the bottom.  Looks good on them! 
    Too bad the Buds suck too, but just not as deeply suckish as Montreal

  • Eh I’m giving them a pass. It’s a cute, fun ad. I don’t think they were seriously asking people to pray to get their team to win.

  • Anonymous

    They weren’t even greedy in asking for a top slot, just barely enough to get to the next round.

  • DUH, it’s because God is teaching them a Valuable Life Lesson!

    Mental Gymnastics 101.

  • Matto the Hun

    because he gets extra pissy if you don’t grovel, his ways get more mysterious and he adds and extra plan with you in mind. :O

  • Michael

    If I were rational but with a belief in their god then I would interpret this as punishment for such a dazzlingly stupid idea as a mass prayer for the hockey.

  • TiltedHorizon
  • Whizzer

    Maybe Rick Perry threw a little prayer meeting for them like he prayed for rain in Texas.  When God set the whole damn state on fire.  He musta been really pissed.

  • Blondin

    Maybe God doesn’t understand French. He saw the word “Prions”, thought it was a reference to “Mad Cow” so he put Buffalo in 8th place. 

  • It is especially hilarious that they’re sucking harder than THE LEAFS.

    I’m from Toronto and I’m impressed that Montreal could sink to that level of bad.

  • The Other Weirdo

     Doesn’t it have something to do with humans eating other(hopefully) humans?

  • Parishioners: Pourquoi? Pourquoi, Monseigneur? Why did God not listen to our prayers?

    Bishop: Parce que, my flock, He works in mysterious ways.

    Small Child, with a high-pitched, tiny yet noticeable voice: Maybe it’s because our goalie sucks donkey balls, our D-men keep crapping the bed, and our forwards eat too much goddamned poutine. Tabernac.

  • The Other Weirdo

     Seems to work for football. Or so I hear. Sports is a black hole for me.

  • The Other Weirdo

    Is there nothing better deserving of the lofty, holier-than-thou attention of the top Catholic brass in Montreal? Surely there are nuns saving pregnant women’s lives that need to be excommunicated because those women deserve to die, damnitalltohell.

  • Anonymous

    Prayer:  Causally ineffective since … forever

  • For the sake of edifying our non-Canadian friends here: this is particularly funny to us north of the 49th, because despite Quebec having very firm roots in Catholicism, French-Canadian expletives and general profanity focuses on the Church. “Tabernac!” is one of the most common cuss-words you’ll hear fall from the mouth of a Quebecois. Add to that the love that Quebeckers have for hockey and their expectations for their beloved Habs, this whole Church-Help-Us-Make-De-Playoffs thing has a wonderfully subtextual amusement to it that I haven’t experienced since blazing up a doobie before watching the original TRON.

  • Their response will undoubtedly just be a generic response for when things don’t go the way they were hopefully going to. Because you know, ‘he works in mysterious ways’ is like the generic answer to anything they can’t answer.

  • Toymanlc

    I think you meant to write, “asks the question,” or “poses the question.”

  • In the X-Files episode “Our Town,” it did. 🙂

  • Lukas

    I’m not sure if it makes us Atheists look good if a Church makes a joke, and we’re reacting like this. In fact, it makes us look like the dicks everybody thinks we are.

  • Paul Little

     Don’t count your chickens before they’ve hatched Stephen Burrows. We still have time to pass them on the way to the bottom.

  • Sharon Crawford

    To me, this is one of the great mental disjunctions: why would the omniscient omnipotent God of the Universe give a fuck who wins hockey games?

  • Michael

    Only because every team has people praying for them, so obviously someone prayed for the winner. It’s rather like the idea of donating to both main political parties so whoever wins thinks of you as a backer.

  • Renshia

    So, god’s a lousy coach, give a god a break. 

  • Renshia

    Everybody loves hockey. Why wouldn’t he?
    What else you gonna do on Saturday, watch porn?

  • Pureone

    Not always. Look up Kreutzfeld-Jakob. The name depends on the animal. Mad cow, Chronic Wasting, Scrapies, Kuru in the Fore Tribe (what you may be thinking of), KJD in Humans. My dad contracted and passed away from KJD.

  • Cdunphy

    I knew you had to be Canadian to use Tarbernac!

  • Secular Planet

    Not “despite” having firm roots in Catholicism. It’s *because* of those firm roots. Otherwise it simply wouldn’t make sense as a curse.

  • The Other Weirdo

     +1 for French-language swearing.

  • The Other Weirdo

     I know it mostly from the excellent “Man in the Bear” episode of Bones Season I.

  • Anonymous

    Maybe it’s because our goalie sucks donkey balls

     
    Actually, the goalie (Carey Price) is one of the few things that DOESN’T suck donkey balls 🙂

  • Adam

    Only stupid people think praying to God is like wishing to a genie and if you pray in the right way then you will get what you want. To quote the Rolling Stones “You can’t always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you might just find that you get what you need.”

  • eugene fergusson

    The leafs are the second worst team in the conference… so,, the almighty had to work extra hard to find a way to fit his beloved canadians into the only spot behond the hapless leafs… dead last.. good work god.. see, I am a leafs fan, so when the leafs finished in next to last place, I had only one prayer, please god, let the canadians finish worse than the leafs,, and he (she, it ??) so dilligently answered my prayer.. way to go god!!!

  • It was a joke. You have a tin ear.