As Violent Fantasies Go, This Book is a Page Turner

What happens when an atheist reviews the Holy Bible on Amazon?

He gives it the lowest possible rating, writes up a hilarious (and spot on) critique, starts up a large discussion thread, and chaos ensues:

This book has it all. Cutting off women’s hands for helping to fend off their husband’s attackers; directing the slaughtering of children with a bear attack and by mass murder; genocide galore; human sacrifice and the threat of it; and killing an innocent on behalf of others to placate himself. It doesn’t take much to come to the conclusion that the author is one sick puppy with major issues, namely he is obviously a psychopath.

The author also claims to love all his children, but wow, he sure has a weird way of showing it. When my children disobey me, and I know they will, I almost never throw them out of the house into the street and place a curse on them and their children for all time. And I sure never nail gun them to the playroom wall, well, ok…just that once. But hey, I’m also sane.

Nailed it. (Literally?)

I’d say that review was helpful, no? 🙂

(Thanks to Silo for the link!)

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Matthew Shepherd

The one commenter stating “[…]it takes guts to read this book[…]” made my day.

It takes guts to sit through one of today’s romance comedies.
Daniel H.

Infantile.
Cobo Wowbo

The reviewer did an excellent job.
Richard Wade

Can’t wait for the movie. Not the insipid, sanitized 1966 version directed by John Houston, but an appropriately X-rated 2012 honest version produced by an atheist. I wonder how Michael Moore would handle this? Naw, he does documentaries. How about Quentin Tarantino? David Lynch? James Wan or Darren Lynn Bousman? (co-directors of Saw) How about a screenplay by Stephen King or M. Night Shylaman?

The uproar from “offended” (read embarrassed) Christians would be hilarious, and their urging people to not go see it would bring in millions.
Robert

What? The review or the book?
Annie

Brilliant. It was an honest and thoughtful review.
Morva Ádám

My spidy sense is tingling. Daniel must be a butthurt xtian. Get your torches and pitchforks, people!
Oh wait.. that’s what the other group does..

Anyways, I had a good laugh, good review.
GentleGiant

Awesome. Shared the review on Facebook. I wonder if any of my Christian friends will comment on it. 🙂
Drakk

Personally I don’t think the original would make a good modern movie. It’s far too long, for one, and the plot is incoherent at best.

I actually think they ought to reboot the franchise with a sequel in the form of a high-budget action flick featuring Cyborg Pirate Ninja Jesus.

I have this idea in mind for a climatic duel scene between CPNJ and a force-lightning throwing Pope Benedict Palpatine…
Trace

🙂
Trace

Ob-Servant is some piece of work.
Anonymous

What are the others thinking of the review? What are the likes/dislikes counts?
Anonymous

Pardon me, but I love that there was a ad for chaplain careers in the National Guard on the page.

http://www.nationalguard.com/careers/chaplain-corps?specialty=chaplain&cid=ChaplainBanners_bnnosize_webmultiple_20110701
Daniel H.

The review.
Annie

How so, Daniel H.? It seems pretty accurate to me. Can you point out where you think the reviewer went wrong?
Daniel H.

It’s just a bunch of cheap shots. It will be funny for atheists who think they are witty, but it’s totally an in joke that no serious Christian can take seriously.
dauntless

Isn’t the “incoherent plot” a hallmark of modern Hollywood blockbusters?
dauntless

Serious Christians need to lighten up and get a sense of humor.
Dan W

From what I’ve read of that book, I’d say it’s an accurate review.
Mike

If your only response is to criticise the style, with no argument to pose against the content, then your philosophy is in deep, deep shit.
Anonymous

A violent movie depicting the suffering of people might not be the trick to open up people’s eyes. Remember The Passion? It made people buy into the whole Jesus’ sacrifice for the rest of us a lot more.
Unless people honestly question the tenets of their religion, dispassionately, there is no hope.
Paul D.

Yeah, but so is a PG-13 rating.
Drakk

I thought it was a very accurate summary of the book.
Drakk

Christianity is SERIOUS BUSINESS, didn’t you know?
BrainBleached

I refer to that as fundie sense. 😉

I found the review very apt.
Anonymous

I’m getting a nailgun soon, but I’ve settled on just the 15-gauge. Might be time for a re-think…
Bryan

There IS a “Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter” movie (it’s on Netflix). If that’s how the New Testament actually went down, I might have a better opinion of Jesus.
Bryan

I don’t think it was intended to sway anybody; I took it as soft Christian baiting and a bit of an in-joke. Funny, but not particularly effective. Still makes for fun comment-reading.
Eve Eriksson

I’m a Christian and I think this is very amusing – in fact I think its too short and forgiving. Its not an attack on religion, get over yourself.
notfromvenus

Yeah, but the idea of one guy sacrificing himself to save the world is actually a powerful heroic narrative. Of course people bought into it.

A movie showing, say, God sending bears to maul little kids to death for teasing his prophet? That might open some eyes. 🙂
Daniel H.

I don’t care if it’s an “attack on religion.” My original comment was simply “Infantile,” and that was my only comment precisely because I didn’t take it seriously. It was just dumb, and not worthy of posting on a blog that seeks to be serious about promoting atheism.
Anonymous

Usually they lack a plot
Lucius Sorrentino

Hilarious and spot on. No mention of at least two zombie like risings from the dead though.
@Richard Wade…. Love the idea of a full treatment epic movie sequence by someone like Tarantino, or Roger Corman or possibly Tom Six the guy who wrote and directed “The Human Centipede”…lol.
Anthony Okafor

yes. Christianity is infantile, bro. 🙂
Hatch Jm

Done already, see Life of Brian.
TheBlackCat

Thank you for that detailed rebuttal.

Doesn’t this place have a “minimum word count” filter or something?
BarttheAtheistcamel

Daniel,
Sorry my review didn’t meet your high standards. I sense there is more behind your crticism of my review than you let on. But anyway.
To all others, and Hemant:
Thanks for the support. You’ll note there haven’t been any serious attempts to refute my review, only one Xtian apologist who skirts the issues I raised. So far almost 1000 people have clicked the “Yes” (yes, it’s a helpful review) review button… 95% of the people who have read it.
Bart