Season’s Groanings December 7, 2011

Season’s Groanings

A Wednesday Webcomic about holiday chainmailReason’s Greetings everyone! Please enjoy this ‘Wednesday Webcomic’ that I’m sure many of you can identify with. I whipped up this story by integrating what are, in my opinion, chain letter’s greatest hits. What’s the most ludicrous forward you have ever received? See you next week!

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  • Lindsay Smith

    I cracked up loudly at the third panel.  Excellent job!

  • Rieux

    Yes, Panel 3 makes the cartoon.

  • It’s funny cause’ it’s true!!!!

  • Bruce_wright

    That marine was Albert Einstein!

  • Anonymous

    That reaction in the third panel.  That’s my first reaction to chain letter spam.  I am extremely intolerant of them and always make a point to reply to everyone telling them how much I hate them (the emails, not the recipients of the email).  I don’t get nearly as many as I used to.

    I hate them almost as much as those fake virus hoax emails.

  • Good heavens, Hemant!  You expect me to think of one?  The atheist group on Ravelry, the knitters’ social networking site, found it so difficult to manage all the threads about xian Facebook postings that they condensed them into one thread and archive that thread on a quarterly basis.

  • Love the 3rd panel since I just saw someone posting the atheist professor and the marine story yesterday.

  • Erik Cameron

    Technically it was his fault for reading a chain letter. Even if it was from his aunt. ESPECIALLY if it was from his aunt.

  • Fritz

    I hate that passive-aggressive “only the right sort of people will repost this” line, even on stuff I agree with.
    Some of my FB friends are foolish enough to use this sort of crap, but not quite stupid enough for an unfriend-ing, so I grit my teeth instead. On the bright side, the next annoying theist FB status I see, I’ll send your way.

  • Rlai

    Well, I had a ‘Andy Rooney Commentary’ that was a conservative screed against illegal immigrants sent to me by a friend. (It wasn’t by Andy Rooney, and it was even more offensive because I work for a CBS affiliate.)

  • Annie

    That was great!  I hate the letters that ask you to make a wish, and then at the bottom of the email it says, “If you don’t send this to X people, the opposite of your wish will come true.”  Now, I don’t believe in wishes being granted or prayers being answered, and most of my friends know this about me.  So, does that mean they send them to me because they want the opposite of my heart’s desires to be thrust upon me?

  • I actually post all my favorite forwards here: oddemail dot com – I started getting them from a family member and couldn’t help myself. 

    *removed the domain-ness to prevent being a spammer.

  • Wouldn’t you just then make the opposite of your actual desired wish?
    “I wish I had to lose 1 million dollars!”

  • Anonymous

    I look up the truth on the Internet, and then send it to everyone on the original distribution list. (Just type in some line from the subject or early in the email and usually you get the info from a couple years earlier when the dumb email started)

  • Nena

    There’s an atheist group on Ravelry?! How did I not know about this??

  • Annie

    Ah!  If only I was that quick of a thinker.  It’s funny, even though I don’t believe in wishes, when someone says, “Make a wish”, I can’t help myself.  Kind of like someone telling you, “Don’t think of purple elephants.”

  • Michelle

    Wait, what!?!  There is an atheist group on Ravelry?  I am on Ravelry mostly to search for patterns, but I would be a WAY more frequent user if I had known there was a group of godless knitters hanging out!

  • Trace

    Great job Bengie!

    As a homeschooler, we get some crazy stuff every now and then (mostly pseudopatriotictrubeliever kind of  crap).

  • Ftfkdad

    makes me think of a facebook conversation my 15 year old son just had with a christian at his school
    C: … “And did you know that Einstein was a committed christian!”
    A: “ummm … wasn’t he born jewish?”
    C: “christians, jews, they’re practically the same, they believe all the same stuff!”

  • Griffox

    The thing about those is that, assuming the magic was real, it’s really and asshole thing to send to your friends. “Forward this e-mail to ten people and you will get X$ (It’s true. It happened to ____.) Cheryl Waters didn’t forward this e-mail and the next day she was hit by a bus!!! OmG!!! You are someone’s Best Best Forever Awesome Friend or else you would not have been sent this e-mail. Toodles.”

    Why would you send me something that could potentially end my life? Of course, it’s all bullshit, but imagine how many people frantically search through their address box for ten people to forward it to, you know, just in case. Clearly it happens a lot, since we’ve all been the recipients of those e-mails.

  • Griffox

    Then there are the ones that say, “It’s true. Look on Snopes.” And if anyone would bother to check for themselves before forwarding it, they would find out that it is on Snopes as being FALSE.  Then I have to school them all on not taking someone’s word without checking sources. This is why there is so much misinformation touted as fact running loose in the population. Grrr!

  • Writegurl

    You can read a debunking of most of these types of stories at in the section called “glurge.”
    One of these tales involves a young woman who was protected by guardian angels as she walked down a dark alley (I forgot the reason. I believe she prayed for protection.) Another woman walking down the alley some time later was raped (because she didn’t pray for protection.) Therefore, your prayer will deflect your rape onto someone else.– but don’t worry, that person is the wrong type of person, so we don’t care about that rape.

  • John Brockman

    When the opposite of your heart’s desire is thrust upon you, you’ll end up living in a van down by the river.

  • I have a policy that I never forward chain mail. Simple.

    Though today my bus driver informed me that you “arent allowed to say Christmas anymore” – I had to bite my tongue because what you really arent meant to say is “what the hell is wrong with you?”

  • Haven’t gotten many chain letters for a long while, thankfully.

    On the Ask Richard email I have so far won a total of 453,733,184,292,440,286 Euros because my email was somehow entered in a lottery. I haven’t gotten around to picking that up yet. 

    I’ve also been offered a total of 339,723,571,993,471,337,389,777,399 in U.S. dollars from the widows of, or attorneys representing  wealthy men who were murdered in any of six west African countries, and I’ll get over half of the loot if I say I’m the deceased man’s next of kin. I’m still looking those guys up in my family tree, but I suppose we’re all cousins if you go back far enough.

    The most absurd chain letters I have received contained a flaw of logic. They had the usual promised riches and good fortune if I continue forwarding the chain, with the thinly veiled threat of awful misfortune if I break the chain.

    Therein lies the illogical absurdity: The chain letter said that someone broke the chain and terrible thing A happened to them, then someone else broke the chain and terrible thing B happened to them.  Okay, if they broke the chain, HOW WOULD THE CONTINUING CHAIN LETTER HAVE THAT INFORMATION?

  • Monica

    I got one from my cousin last week saying that the White House had decided to starting calling Christmas trees “Holiday trees” and that Ben Stein had written the included essay in response. The first half was a relatively mild rant about how even though he (Ben Stein) was Jewish he wasn’t offended by Christmas so it was dumb that anybody should have to tone down the religiosity. The second half was a barely coherent babble about how kicking God out of the schools caused Hurricane Katrina and also Dr. Spock’s son killed himself because his father was an advocate of not spanking your kids. It made so little sense it was breathtaking.

    Love the comic!

  • Deepthot42

     You are gonna have to send me the address of Lt bullion… sounds profifable!

  • I have a suspicion that he found Hussein’s legendary hidden stash of Christmas fruitcake wrapped in gold foil, and he mistook it for gold bullion. 

    Great cartoon; I’m looking forward to Wednesdays.

  • I once got a chain email poem. It was a parody of Baa Baa Black Sheep that claimed that if we put praying back into school then students would behave and not be violent anymore.

  • Joan

    If you can forgive the brief ad at the start of this video, here’s a fitting and funny song on the topic from Weird Al:

  • C.W.K.

    A precious moment has been captured!

  • Fritz

    Not to second guess you, but that seems like a terrific opportunity to ask someone what the hell is wrong with them! But then, I don’t get out much.

  • I figure, hey, what have I got to lose? And then I wish for world peace.

    Hasn’t come true yet — but that little part of me, the little idealistic part that hides deep inside, won’t let me give up.

  • Dan W

    Ugh, I hate those glurgy stories. I am, however, glad that Snopes exists to debunk these stupid tales.

  • Annie

    Good thinking.  I wish I would have thought of this an hour ago, when I saw a huge shooting star.  If only  my first impulse was  to think, ‘Oh look!  A piece of cosmic debris has broken through Earth’s atmosphere!’  Instead, my first unabridged thought was to make a wish.  Why is it so hard to break free of the myths of my youth?

  • You ever encounter one of those things, a thing that just takes you back to warm memories of childhood? A particular scent, song, television show, could be almost anything, really, but something you just associate with the warm safety of “home” and “family”?

    I guess some of these little rituals — wishing on a star — are “kept” because they’re comforting, even if they are silly and irrational.

  • Anonymous

    For extra hilarity, read the comic again- only this read it imagining Patrick Stewart’s voice.

  • Oh, that was awesome.

  • Mairianna

    Oo!  Great idea!  Forward your wish for world peace to the distribution list, and then the next day, send another one asking why you DIDN’T get your wish!   

  • Anonymous

    It must be at least as dense. I think the Iranians could be using fruitcake as reactor shielding.

  • Jude

    Whenever I get a chain mail that asks me to “forward to 10 (or whatever) people” I just Reply To Sender 10 times. Let them deal with it.

    Oddly enough, I haven’t been getting much chain mail any more…

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