Johnny Depp is on a Highway to Hell for ‘Jesus Stag Night Club’

Johnny Depp is hell bound, according to the Christian Coalition. His new song with indie band Babybird, “Jesus Stag Night Club,” has the extreme religious group full of righteous indignation.

Lee Douglas, spokesman for the religious pressure group The Christian Coalition, lashed Depp for his “blasphemy.”

He said: “I’m sure he thinks he’s being very funny but he’s simply a disgrace.

“One day, Johnny Depp and his cronies will face the judgment of our Lord and they will burn in hell for this filth.”

Is it just me or is the song kind of boring for a trip to hell? I mean, it’s hardly a Tool song. “Jesus Stag Night Club,” which Depp contributed vocals to, is about a group of men who are partying and find a Jesus lookalike who tries to get them to come to his club for a “stag night” (a.k.a. a bachelor party):

Saw a man in a bar with his hair like a lady,
Bloody thorns ’round his ear like he was a crazy,
He had holes in his hands and a cross for a spine,
Crushed a berry in his Perrier and called it wine

The Jesus lookalike hipster is actually revealed at the end of the song to be authentic. The singer croons that he discovers the real Jesus “lying on the floor beaten up, he had a fish finger sandwich and a yellow M coffee cup. I bent down drunk and tried to pick him up.”

The song is full of religious metaphors and sly humor but has it really earned Depp a one-way trip to Hell? What about Depp’s good deeds like donating to a cancer charity show or his Haiti benefit song? What about his roles in cutesy kids’ movies? Nope, not good enough for the Christian Coalition.

Depp has not commented on the drama, but Babybird’s frontman Stephen Jones (who wrote the song) tweeted:

It’s good to know Jones is prepared to walk the fire and brimstone plank with the “Pirates of the Caribbean” star.

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Die Anyway

Richard Wade

“One day, Johnny Depp and his cronies will face the judgment of our Lord and they will burn in hell for this filth.”

This in my estimation is the single most popular remark made by Christians to nonbelievers, far more frequently uttered than anything like “Jesus loves you.” It should be ridiculed every time it is used:

“One day, God will burn you in hell when you die,” is the equivalent of an annoying spoiled brat who when he doesn’t get his way says, “When my Daddy gets home, he’s gonna beat you up!” Yeah, we’ve been waiting a long, long time. Your infantile, cowardly little threats from your barbaric extortion-based protection racket religion do not intimidate grown ups. Go to your room.

“Worship me or I’ll hurt you really bad,” is what insecure sadists say to their helpless victims. People are attracted to concepts of gods that reflect their own inner character. Thanks for the warning.
Charles Black

It’s nice to hear that us non-religious people have friends in high places.
The more help we can get the better our chances of ensuring reason wins over religious superstition.
Guest

woot! I will be in Hell with Jonny Depp. yayaya! 🙂
Ed-words

Years ago, Richard Dawkins was being driven to a US appearance,
when he was delighted to see this bumper sticker;

“Blasphemy Is a Victimless Crime.
Heidi McClure

I know, right? Please tell me Tim Burton and Helena Bonham Carter are coming to hell, too.
Griffox

I came here to post that same exact thing. It’s so juvenile.
Gaby Abed

I remember back in my youth (high school late 80’s) when XTC’s “Dear God” came out. Now THAT was a song to go to hell for. 🙂 http://youtu.be/hk41Gbjljfo
Dan W

Come on, I’ve enjoyed far more blasphemous songs that this. Like this one by NOFX: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T6aK4CigoyI
Richard Wade

Emileigh, this is your third post on Friendly Atheist, and until now I have neglected to say welcome, and well written.
gsw

Assuming they (Xians) are right, who wants to go to a heaven filled with mobsters and child rapists who said they were sorry 5 minutes before death and received absolution? Not to mention the boss of the place (shudder).

Nope, down there in the warm with all the truly honest people (if there some utterly bad jerks – we can deal with those ourselves) and all my ethical friends!
Troubleteens

This song is brilliant! I keep reading that Jesus Stag Night
Club is a “funny” song. I totally disagree. It is more like a real-world
reality check ala Stephen Jones. Lyrics like “Crushed a berry in his Perrier
and called it wine.” or “Hold a bird upside down and it lies in your fingers
like a dead man” point out that some of the “miracles” performed by good ol’
J.C. may have been mere parlor tricks, known by any amateur magician.
Everything about the song is surrealistic and the imagery is so colorful; truly
a work of art. As far as the religious right, for all they know, heaven is a
bore and hell is gorgeous. Peace me out! Trish (^_^)
Anonymous

“One day, Johnny Depp and his cronies will face the judgment of our Lord and they will burn in hell for this filth.” – [citation required]
No seriously. Prove it already. Demonstrate that this “Lord” fellow and this “hell” place actually exist. Show us the evidence. I double dog dare you Christians to show that what you say is true.

Put up or shut up.
lp

Mark Twain once said, “Go to heaven for the climate, hell for the company.”
The Other Weirdo

All I got from that is that Johnny Depp has a band. Boy, am *I* out of date or what. I thought he was just the greatest pirate EVAR. 🙂 As for the rest of it, that’s just par for the course. I used to worry about which Christians were less crazy than the rest, which ones I could live with, metaphorically speaking. Then I found out that the only difference between all of them and Harold Camping is that he puts a date to his beliefs, and they refuse to.
Anonymous

I like it. I really didn’t think I would,but it’s a pretty good song.
Emileigh Clare

Thanks Richard! I’m enjoying posting here. This is a great community. 🙂
Vlsb

Ghandi said the only thing wrong with Christianity is Christians and I totally agree and the kicker…I am a believer. I have had to learn many hard lessons and I have a a lot of problems with Christians, because you guys are not the only ones that get the wagging finger we believers that love the teachings of Jesus get it too. Whether you believe he was Lord or just a man, he was an amazing man with great teachings about how bad how world is and as people how we could change it. But I have learned all these years you have different groups; Power hungry people who want to dictate to people how they are supposed to live their lives, or people who commited their lives to follow Christ and learn man made doctrines and sermons from people who take one piece of scripture and screw you up real good cause they are really great with the guilt game. So I do not go to church. I am trying to test the Bible and see what comes out of it. Just remember atheist that you are not the only one who got or gets burned. It all boils down to personality and if you were a jerk when you become a Christian and you do not work hard to change yourself, you are just gonna be a jerky Christian.
Guest

I have never had more respect for Depp than I do right now.