I Would Make a Horrible Christian Man September 16, 2011

I Would Make a Horrible Christian Man

By Hemant Mehta
September 16, 2011

Milestone Church in Keller, Texas is planning a special event soon just for men.

You know how I know it’s just for men?

Because I saw this banner on their website…

(If I’m opposed to all three of those things, what does that make me…?)

Anyway, YEAH! MEN! We kill shit! And then we offer it up to Jesus while we PRAY! And then we’re gonna have a FOOD FIGHT! SUNDAY SUNDAY SUNDAY!

Oh. And then there was also this promotional video:

*Facepsalm*

They let that go public and they don’t even seem embarrassed about it… Yikes.

Anyway, the event is Sunday night, October 2nd, at 6:00p.

If two of you would be willing to attend that event and write a guest post for this site, I’ll reimburse your tickets and pitch in a little something for dinner. Let me know by this Sunday if you’re interested.

(Thanks to Christie for the link!)

Previous Post
Let's Reboot the Bible
Next Post
Southern Illinois University Rejects Atheist Student Group... Then Quickly Backtracks
Browse Our Archives
What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment

  • Bwahahahahahahahahahah!  Oh Hemant, thank you SO much for sharing that video! I need to go pee now…lolol! 🙂

  • Isn’t that Father Damien Karras from The Exorcist depicted on the meat-boxing illustration?  Serious WTFage!   Meat-boxing.  Right?  Father Karras boxing meat?  Amirite?

  • Heidi

    I don’t even…

  • evansp

    I think that’s Rocky Balboa, Margie, but I like the way you think. 😉

  • Oops.   I stand corrected.   It is still really weird, though.
      Thanks for snickers.   : ) 

  • hunter

    I’ll go if I can shoot some crucifixes.

  • Elliott776

    Yea it’s a Rocky inference. But I did see that the hunter was depicted shooting at deer with a shotgun…no wonder he missed.

  • That couldn’t have been more lame if they’d shot one of the deer in the leg. And, does that deer fairy on a stick really help?

  • That’s more of a *faithpalm* than a *facepalm*.

  • Prosey

    I would make a horrible christian man, too….

    ….and no matter than I like venison (and understand that it’s not born under cellophane), you won’t catch me out on a hunt, shooting a fake gun for a horrible (but hilarious) video, while “ministering”….LOL

  • Facepsalm!

  • Anonymous

    “They let that go public and they don’t even seem embarrassed about it…”

    But Hemant, he said it’s going to be “awesome”.

    Seriously though, I would make a Horrible Christian. Oh, I can be nice, moral, and so on – whatever they think being Christian means. I just can’t believe any part of the bible. Even when I went to Catholic School, I was highly suspicious of half of it. No one would want me in their church at this point, I’d just end up asking awkward questions….

    So does this video forecast church rejuvenation, or  gasps of desperation? If people are only going for the BBQ…

  • Tom

    I’d be golden until they got to the “message” bit.  I mean, I love eating meat, and who doesn’t enjoy some mayhem every now and then?  That’s all just good times!

    I don’t think I’d be on board with their “message,” though.

    In all seriousness, though, it’s bullshit that the idea of the “manly man” has been usurped by conservative and Christian groups.  Honestly, I can be a liberal, an atheist, and a guy who will punch you in the face.  Those things are not mutually exclusive.

  • Not a dude, or I might consider this. But really, I know exactly how it’s going to go. There’s going to be a mediocre barbeque and awkward conversation. When it starts to wind down the pastor will come out and have a manly heart-to-heart (that’s probably the Mayhem part). Then everyone goes home and/or to the bar.

  • Cindy

    It’s 10 minutes from my house…but I’m not a man! I hope someone can attend and report back.

  • Daniel Brown

    Collection Plate 2.0 if you ask me. They are finding new ways to get your money. $10 at the door this time around. Probably better than a free event where while some may put in more than 10, others may not put in any. Would it all add up the same? I don’t know. But from a marketing perspective, guaranteeing $10 a head sounds smart.

    Churches are becoming concert halls, entertainment venues, clubs.

  • Miss Coconut

    You can also be a girl and do those things too! :p

  • Tom

    Exactly!  Which makes what they’re doing even more ludicrous!  Manliness is not dependent on gender!

  • Karen

    Wow.
    Someone thought the event was a good idea.
    And someone thought the video was funny and would stir up interest…

  • checked the location, but it’s north of dallas. 🙁 that’s a three hour drive for me, hemant, or I’d go for you.

  • anonymous

    That would have been really funny if I didn’t live in Keller. This does not surprise me one bit.  Ads for super cool rockin’ church events are everywhere.  And don’t forget to bring a friend.  And have the wifey make a casserole.

  • Anonymous

    Reminds me of Elmer Fudd.
    “Sssshhh… be vevey vevy quiet. I’m hunting wabbits.. for Jesus.. “

  • Ssmeier1

    I thought it said Meat, Massage, Mayhem. I thought “Well that’s one way to go about with it”

  • Aketzle

    Exactly!  That’s the exact thing I thought the first time he “shushed” me.  Dum-bass.

  • That is one of the stupidest things I’ve ever seen.

  • Eskomo

    In some areas of the country, a rifle is forbidden, but a shotgun with slugs is allowed.  A rifle shot in an area with rolling hills and no trees could hit something a long ways off.

  • Anonymous

    That web banner makes me think there are going to be a lot of Christian men standing around beating meat.

  • Uh huh. “Meat”. Riiiight…

  • Becoming?

    *raises one eyebrow*

  • And, um, did he shoot at birds with a bow? I know I’ve never been hunting, but that doesn’t seem like a very decent method of hunting.

  • Ray

    Looks like this will be attended by horrible Christian men Hemant. You’d fit right in.

    Oh, the site is unavailable. Did you break it?

  • Who do these guys think they are? Superman at Earth’s End?
     
    “I’M A MAN!” *PRAY*

  • I really liked the animal footage and how it was so painfully obviously stock footage. 

  • infected

    Are you sure thats not an Edward Current video?

  • infected

    Are you sure thats not an Edward Current video?

  • Anonymous

    So, spend a weekend with men, doing manly things with other men, where no icky girls are allowed.

    Yup, totally not gay 🙂

    // why don’t they just admit they are gay and leave everyone else alone?

  • PJ

    I wish I was a guy.  I would totally go.  I live close. 

  • Elerena

    And all those girls night out events people organize are just for those closeted lesbians out there, right?

    Please take your passive aggressive insiniuations elsewhere.  Insisting on tying irrelevant things to sexuality only serves to further the idea that said sexuality is wrong to begin with.

  • I do believe your sarcasm detector is borked. Shall I call in Tech Support Kitten?

  • Topher Kersting

    I just pinged MGM licensing on this one.  I can’t imagine they approved the use of the Rocky imagery for this.

  • I mean, it’s possible, but we already know he has a shotgun with him. If anything, you’d use the bow for the deer so that you wouldn’t scare away the birds while shooting at the deer, so you can later shoot the birds with the shotgun. I guess it’s not only his faith that he has backwards.

  • That’s kind of what I was thinking.

  • Gus Snarp

    Hunting deer with a shotgun is not that unusual, but It does seem like the video was entirely put together by people who have never hunted before in their lives, while trying to attract people who might actually hunt. That move he makes to pick up the shotgun? Yeah, sorry, the deer are all gone before he could ever get the gun up. The multiple shotgun blasts at running deer? He’s a lousy shot and isn’t going home with anything. And why does he have a (what is that, a pheasant?) a pheasant decoy to hunt deer? Oh, because he’s going to shoot pheasant afterward? Sorry, you can stop whispering now, and forget seeing any pheasant or deer in that area for a while after all those shotgun blasts.