Dear Victory Family Church in Belleville, Illinois,
I have some advice for you.
(Yes, I’m an atheist, and no, I don’t expect you to listen. But I’ll say it anyway.)
When you’re planning an event, don’t call it a “Crusade.” That word is steeped in negative religious connotations and you don’t want to be associated with that. Trust me on this one.
Oh. Alright, ignore that one.
When you’re planning a “Crusade,” don’t gear it toward children. Atheists already think churches brainwash kids and you’d just be adding fuel to the fire.
Hmm… I see how you’re playing this game…
(By the way, what’s with the apostrophe usage? It makes it sound like one child is going to grab a weapon and go apeshit on everyone in the building. Anyway, I’ll continue.)
When you’re planning an event that sounds as horrible as a “Kid’s Crusade,” don’t try to “hip it up” with unnecessary adjectives. Don’t call it “Ye Old Tyme Kid’s Crusade” or “Jesustastic Kid’s Crusade O’ Fun” or “Rootin’ Tootin’ Kid’s Crusade.”
Well, fine then…
Finally, don’t hold any event you’re calling a “Crusade” on September 11th. I shouldn’t have to tell you why this is a horrible idea.
I tried, Jesus. I tried.