Armageddon for Kids! July 10, 2011

Armageddon for Kids!

By Hemant Mehta
July 10, 2011

Did you know the guys behind the Armageddon/Christ-is-coming-back!/Atheists-are-screwed Left Behind series also made a version for kids?

As if they hadn’t done enough damage already…

The book Taken compiles the first four books in the children’s series (and covers the basic plot of the first book in the adult series).

The only reason I bring this up is because the Kindle edition of the book is free of charge right now. Millions of copies of these books have been sold and they’re incredibly influential. So if you have some time, and you’ve never read Christian fiction (a redundancy, I know) aimed at young adults before, here’s a chance to read it for yourself.

Then, realize that millions of Americans take this stuff seriously. You’ll be having nightmares for weeks.

(Thanks to Merle for the link)

…

***Update***: Reader Laura points out the book is also free for the Nook over at at Barnes & Noble.

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  • keystothekid

    “The young trib force” hehehe. I guess they’re not familiar with trib in it’s verb form ;). Also, I read the adult books when I was about 12…well, I read the first five. Mostly because I was super interested in the end of the world and the four horsemen. So, it was cool for about 100 pages and then I just kept reading them because my family kept giving them to me as gifts.

    Not only is the message silly but the writing is super bland. I’m all for detail in writing, but not the same detail over and over. I don’t need to hear about how the pilot was an alcoholic who lost his kinda-sorta separated wife and son in the rapture every time a new character appears.

  • Tom

    I snagged a free Amazon Kindle sci-fi book awhile back, and after about five pages I realized that I was looking at thinly disguised Christian dogma. I’ve been trying to excise the novel from my account, just on principle, but to no avail.

  • abadidea

    I read the normal Left Behind books when I was in middle school like the poster above me. I actually read the ones near the end first because that’s what the library had. The writing in the later ones was better at least as far as I can recall. Much more interesting and certainly much more sadistic (they take great delight in brutally murdering the characters one by one). Of course that’s all well and good and it’s just so-so scifi until you realize that the authors REALLY TRULY BELIEVE this is what is going to happen.

    I think I got about three chapters into the kiddie one before my brain tried to strangle me. I actually remember exactly ONE thing about it… that one of the characters is the “only black kid in the neighborhood” who either Steele or the reporter guy talks to on the phone in the first book to find out if his mother is still alive.

    BTW, there is an absolutely stunningly good book-length(!!!) review of Left Behind Book 1 on an atheist blog somewhere… but I can’t find it in my bookmarks! The guy (girl?) goes on for pages psychoanalyzing the authors about how they portray women and stuff. Does anyone know the site I’m thinking of?

  • @abadidea: You’re probably thinking of Slacktivist, though he’s a liberal Christian, not an atheist.

    http://www.patheos.com/community/slacktivist/tag/left-behind/

  • abadidea

    Ebonmuse that’s totally it! Didn’t mean to offend slacktivist by mis-remembering their affiliation. I just remembered how funny the reviews were 😀

  • Rhea

    I actually loved those things. I used to check out around 5 of them at a time from my local library and read them straight. I think the kids series might actually be written by Chris Fabry, not Jenkins and LeHaye. Fabry gets credited sometimes and his other books for young readers have the similar short chapters with cliff-hangers at the end format.

    I still think of them in a fond light because reading these actually helped me cement my atheism. It was hard not to read them as fantasy stories and doing so helped me think of Christian beliefs as being fantasy stories. I’m definitely not advocating them for young children though. Definitely not. I remember a passage fairly clearly where the oldest male character almost failed biology because he wrote down what was in the bible instead of what taught. I think he resolved it by putting down the correct answers on tests but ending them with a disclaimer. I’m sure there is other stuff like that I don’t remember.

  • JulietEcho

    Horror stories intended as non-fiction, and also: for kids! When this is already what your parents and pastor believe, it leaves a mark. And no, not the kind they’re paranoid about.

  • I read these books as a child. And I believed them. I was desperately afraid that the rapture would come before I had a chance to grow up and live. My father didn’t help things – he told me when I was eleven that the rapture would probably come in the next five to ten years. I really believed him. Talk about a lot of needless anxiety!

  • Timothy

    Wow, you know, I feel like I’m about the only person on earth who has never read these books. I keep hearing everyone else say they have read them, am I missing something good or should I not bother?

  • Chris aka “Happy Cat”

    @Timothy

    You aren’t missing anything. The steaming pile of prose that is Stephenie Meyer’s Twighlight series is almost competent compared to the Left Behind garbage. They’re both equally painful to read, though.

  • abadidea

    Timothy, don’t bother. All you need to know is that it’s the story of the stereotypical I Was A Good Guy And Successful But My Life Was Missing Something Then I Found Jesus, with the slight twist of not finding Jesus until Jesus murdered everyone he loved and plunged the world into seven years of living hell.

    Other characters include the Smart Girl Attending Ivy League Who’s Too Intellectual For Religion But Cracks As Soon As A Missionary Spends Six Seconds With Her, The Pastor Who Conveniently Was Faking It Until The Rapture Happened So That The Hero Can Ask Him About Theology, and the Shameless Slut Who Went From Dating Airline Pilots to Dating Satan, Because That’s What Shameless Sluts Do. Oh, and Cannon Fodder Women for the dashing hero to fall in love with just before they get Taken Home by their face meeting the bottom of the Euphrates River.

    These people spend like twelve books running around and shooting bad guys who are already damned to hell so there are no moral repercussions whatsoever, and you can bet that anyone not introduced in the first six pages of the first book is going to die a horrible, gruesome death, good guy or bad. The characters steal whatever they want, burn down whatever they want, hurt whoever they want, because there are NO REPERCUSSIONS. It’s kind of one really, really long action film with a bland plot that gets REALLY preachy despite the fact that the entire cast of good guys lack the most basic human empathy.

    Oh, there’s even a token Repentant Lesbian. That was my introduction to the word “lesbian” and at the time I thought it was like… some sort of witchcraft?

    Then I turned out to like girls too!

  • Lisa

    I’m confused. Are these books just kid-speak versions of the others? Or are they suggesting that even children would be left behind to suffer by their all-loving god?

  • JD

    Stinky cheese, and not the good kind of stinky cheese. The first two pages already has me pulling my eject lever for lameness. This is worse than an after school style TV special.

  • Charles Black

    The really scary part of this is that there are alot of Christians who believe this fiction to happen in their lifetimes.

  • Lizzy

    I too read these as a teenager. They were super short and I’m pretty sure there were a couple dozen of them. I started reading the adult ones, but stopped mid-way. At the time I thought they were great, although I did think it was heinous that once people took the mark of the beast there was no way to repent, no matter how much they wanted to. Stuff like that really got me wondering about the character of God.

  • Mr Z

    Apparently some atheists think censorship is the way to go. blaghag banded me from commenting… one down, hundreds to go. Get ready atheist world. Be for equality or be irrelevant.

  • Alice

    I read those when I was really little and the adult ones in 7th grade. I remember them fondly because I read the kids ones at the same time my parents were reading the adult ones. I would pray that the rapture would happen so I wouldn’t have to turn in a big project or take a test. So who’s seen the movies and thinks the Antichrist is sexy?

  • Tom

    @Mr Z: What the hell are you talking about?

    Be for equality or be irrelevant? Do you imagine that sounds clever? It doesn’t – well, OK, I suppose that it would sound clever to some angsty teenager who’s easily impressed.

  • Gordon

    It’s £5.51 in the UK Kindle store, and I’m not paying that!

  • Doesn’t seem to be free anymore. Oh well.

  • JD

    @Tom, Mr. Z was being a whiny troll here and there.

    Freedom of speech doesn’t mean that people can’t legally ban you from their private sites for being a whiny troll, or for any reason they choose.

  • Devin

    I still own all 40+ of the kid LB books…they’re packed away somewhere with all my other adult Left Behind books thankfully. Of course if I knew where they were, I’d be throwing them out.

    I can remember reading these as a pre-teen and sharing them with my friends because I was so convinced that LaHaye was on to something with the whole “the rapture is coming soon” thing. I’m pretty sure I ended up in a tear-filled prayer fest for my soul more than once…that entire series is nothing but trouble if you ask me.

    @Alice: I always whoever that man was playing the antichrist was just gorgeous…he still is in a way 🙂

  • I read The Oath by Frank Peretti back when I was younger and Christian and recall it was pretty good, but I can’t say for certain because I also thought Left Behind was pretty good (though admittedly even as blind fundie Christian ‘I hope this happens one day’ I still found them pointless after the third or fourth book, and they were terribly written, too.)

    I’ll have to pick that book up and read it from an atheist perspective – maybe write a brief critique of it on my blog when I’m finished. (*shrug*)

  • I think I’ll give it a miss. I have several fantasy books in my “pile of books I really must read this year” pile already without adding something that is obviously going to be shit not to my tastes.

  • longstreet63

    Since this is discussing the children’s series, you should know that, inspired by Slacktivist, Mouse is doing a snark/dissection of those.
    http://mousehole-mouse.blogspot.com/2010/07/meet-judd-thompkins-jr.html
    is where it begins. Not in any way the level of detail or much discussion of their bad theology as Slacktivist, but worth reading for its own sake.

  • Dmitri

    Lisa said

    I’m confused. Are these books just kid-speak versions of the others? Or are they suggesting that even children would be left behind to suffer by their all-loving god?

    The books are basically the same as the adult series, but with younger characters (some are relatives of the characters in the adult novels). The small plots are different, but parallels abound.

    Are they saying children can be left behind? Yes. In their beliefs, there is an “age of accountability.” It varies some from person to person, but it is said to be somewhere around 8 years old. Before you reach this age where you become mature enough to know right from wrong and understand that you need to be “saved”, you get a free pass to heaven (or the rapture). After that age, if you don’t say the sinner’s prayer, you are damned. In this view, an 8 year old can go to Hell.

    I never read the entirety of either series, but I did experience several books from both. It was so strange… before Left Behind came out, Revelation was just that scary book about the end of the world at the back of the Bible that you didn’t need to worry about. That’s actually what I remember my mom saying when I was about 5. And then these books started getting published and EVERYONE talked about the end times! I had my share of rapture paranoia during those years, even though I had been baptized years before.

  • @Dmitri:

    I had my share of rapture paranoia during those years, even though I had been baptized years before.

    Oh god I remember the rapture paranoia. It was ridiculous. No 16-year old should have to cry themselves to sleep thinking that they could wake up the next morning with all their friends and family missing because they’ve been (*dramatic pause*) left behind.

    (Most of that was related to questioning whether I was truly saved – since I believed that God would answer my prayers or remove my gender identification / sexual orientation issues and he never did.)

  • skinner city cyclist

    Whenever I find copies of these rotten books, and their “adult” counterparts, at the bookshelf of the juvenile treatment center I work in, I stick them in behind the ranked books on the bottom shelf so they are more difficult to find. I do this with bibles, too. But you can’t stop the godbots from bringing more in.

  • Shows how much I know! I thought “Taken” was about alien abductions.

    Oh, wait. I get it. Myths to the left of me, myths to the right.

  • Bryan Johnson

    Those slactivist reviews are great, though he goes in to a TON of depth (it seems like there’s a review post for every few pages of the books). I found this one to be hilarious and completely spot on.

    Like a lot of other posters, I read the first four or five of these books when they came out and I was still a Christian. I remember thinking they were horribly written and preachy even then; I’m glad to hear there are other Christians who also weren’t taken in by it.

  • I read The Oath by Frank Peretti back when I was younger and Christian and recall it was pretty good

    Oh, MAN…memories! I had forgotten I had even read that (I also thought it was great at the time). However, I DO remember reading “This Present Darkness”, and while I don’t remember the plot very well, I do remember the personification of demons, which scared the shit out of me. For weeks after I read the book, I was hyper-aware that demons were riding along with me on my shoulders and influencing every decision I made so that I would do “bad things” and be “won over” to their Dark Army.

    As an English teacher, it’s no surprise that I’ve been an avid reader all my life. I remember reading the LB series (at least the kid versions, then parts of the originals) and finding it repetitive and monotonous. Immediately after reading the LB series, I got on a Brian Jacques/Redwall kick (remember: 5th/6th grade) and thought they were SO much better. 🙂

  • @Amanda:

    I loved the Redwall series! I have a letter from Brian Jacques after I sent him a manuscript of a fan fiction I wrote based on his series, he scrawled the following note in the corner:

    Why don’t you write your own book with your own characters and your good story idea? That’s how I started out

    That’s been my inspiration to write and publish a book of my own.

    (RIP Brian Jacques, to whose memory my first book shall be dedicated)

  • Otakumommy

    The steaming pile of prose that is Stephenie Meyer’s Twighlight series is almost competent compared to the Left Behind garbage.

    @Happy Cat: Don’t even bring Twilight into this…you go too far 😉 There are SOME girls reading this.

    That being said, I think I just may check out this steaming pile. Hey – it’s free!

  • @Kev

    That’s amazing! I’m always very impressed by writers/celebrities that really take the time to appreciate their fans. They are all busy people, but I’m sure that the letter to you, at the time, meant the world.

    I’ll keep that humility in mind when I’m a huge celebrity teacher…oh, wait…

  • @Amanda:

    It certainly did, and it still does. Without that prodding I probably wouldn’t have the drive I do to finish writing my book. I’m about four chapters from finished with the first edits and then I can go into more editing.

    When I’m a popular author, I’ll be sure to extend the same grace towards my fans.

  • kissychick

    I found one of the Left Behind books at the local Value Village a few years ago and read it. I did not have any idea it was Christian fiction when I started reading (I’m a buy a book because I like the cover or title type of person, which is how I ended up buying a copy of “Night of the Living Trekkies”). I wasn’t great fiction so I never read the other ones.

  • abadidea

    Otakumommy: Of all the girls I know, only one – a 14yo – actually likes Twilight – and it’s the only novel series she’s ever read. (She’s not the sharpest bulb in the cookie jar.) The rest of us absolutely detest it. There’s even one EX-twilightie I know who’s so, SO sorry she ever recommended the books to her friends.

  • I know this is just parr for the course with the whole indoctrination thing, but why are they so obsessed with scaring the bejesus out of (or, I guess into) kids? It borders on pathological.

  • Brandon Lawler

    I remember reading the kids’ books when I was younger. Scared the crap out of me.

  • VirtualStranger

    I think I’ll just stick with the other version of “taken”. You know, the one with Liam Neeson

  • (a redundancy, I know)

    That made me LOL, really! I already downloaded the scary book.

  • Charles Black

    I feel so sorry for those poor children who will be traumatised by this nonsense, just like Y2K all over again.

  • I think I have a copy of the first book in the regular series somewhere in my room.  (I found it a while back at a library used book sale.)  I just went and downloaded this after reading your entry, since it was free.  Though I’m no expecting to agree with it, I think what I find even more unbelievable is the certainty with which books about Armageddon are written.  After all, who really knows for sure, in such detail, what will happen at the end of the world?

  • I think I have a copy of the first book in the regular series somewhere in my room.  (I found it a while back at a library used book sale.)  I just went and downloaded this after reading your entry, since it was free.  Though I’m no expecting to agree with it, I think what I find even more unbelievable is the certainty with which books about Armageddon are written.  After all, who really knows for sure, in such detail, what will happen at the end of the world?

  • I think I have a copy of the first book in the regular series somewhere in my room.  (I found it a while back at a library used book sale.)  I just went and downloaded this after reading your entry, since it was free.  Though I’m no expecting to agree with it, I think what I find even more unbelievable is the certainty with which books about Armageddon are written.  After all, who really knows for sure, in such detail, what will happen at the end of the world?

  • I think I have a copy of the first book in the regular series somewhere in my room.  (I found it a while back at a library used book sale.)  I just went and downloaded this after reading your entry, since it was free.  Though I’m no expecting to agree with it, I think what I find even more unbelievable is the certainty with which books about Armageddon are written.  After all, who really knows for sure, in such detail, what will happen at the end of the world?

  • I think I have a copy of the first book in the regular series somewhere in my room.  (I found it a while back at a library used book sale.)  I just went and downloaded this after reading your entry, since it was free.  Though I’m no expecting to agree with it, I think what I find even more unbelievable is the certainty with which books about Armageddon are written.  After all, who really knows for sure, in such detail, what will happen at the end of the world?

  • I think I have a copy of the first book in the regular series somewhere in my room.  (I found it a while back at a library used book sale.)  I just went and downloaded this after reading your entry, since it was free.  Though I’m no expecting to agree with it, I think what I find even more unbelievable is the certainty with which books about Armageddon are written.  After all, who really knows for sure, in such detail, what will happen at the end of the world?

  • I went looking and the book is also available as a free download through the Sony Bookstore if you happen to have a Sony Ereader.

  • I went looking and the book is also available as a free download through the Sony Bookstore if you happen to have a Sony Ereader.

  • I went looking and the book is also available as a free download through the Sony Bookstore if you happen to have a Sony Ereader.

  • I went looking and the book is also available as a free download through the Sony Bookstore if you happen to have a Sony Ereader.

  • I went looking and the book is also available as a free download through the Sony Bookstore if you happen to have a Sony Ereader.

  • Elizabeth Wenzel

    I knew I shouldn’t have downloaded it if I didn’t want to go to sleep angry. I read two chapters and there is so. Much. Wrong. So far I’ve gathered: there is no such thing as an atheist. Everyone actually believes in a god, but some people just don’t accept him and Jesus because it’s not the cool thing to do, and they can always do it later. Also, all of these people are just bad to the bone. They smoke and drink and steal and hate their stupid parents. The goodie two shoe Christian parents. However, the good news is that you too can become a Christian. Why, you’d probably already be one if you ever listened to a sincere sermon. If you did that and ACTUALLY listened, BAM! Instant Christian. This will have an instant effect on your personality, and you will go from a drunken deadbeat who gets drunk and hits his family to a sober, kid hugging, love spouting fella. So! Easy! Because deep down, we all know there is a god. Some of us just choose not to love him.
    And that’s just the first two chapters! No wonder all of my Christian friends (I’m in oklahoma so…that would be all my friends) have refused to talk to me since I “came out”. They all love these books. I can assume, therefore, that they believe whats in them. I feel sick 🙁

  • Elizabeth Wenzel

    I knew I shouldn’t have downloaded it if I didn’t want to go to sleep angry. I read two chapters and there is so. Much. Wrong. So far I’ve gathered: there is no such thing as an atheist. Everyone actually believes in a god, but some people just don’t accept him and Jesus because it’s not the cool thing to do, and they can always do it later. Also, all of these people are just bad to the bone. They smoke and drink and steal and hate their stupid parents. The goodie two shoe Christian parents. However, the good news is that you too can become a Christian. Why, you’d probably already be one if you ever listened to a sincere sermon. If you did that and ACTUALLY listened, BAM! Instant Christian. This will have an instant effect on your personality, and you will go from a drunken deadbeat who gets drunk and hits his family to a sober, kid hugging, love spouting fella. So! Easy! Because deep down, we all know there is a god. Some of us just choose not to love him.
    And that’s just the first two chapters! No wonder all of my Christian friends (I’m in oklahoma so…that would be all my friends) have refused to talk to me since I “came out”. They all love these books. I can assume, therefore, that they believe whats in them. I feel sick 🙁

  • Elizabeth Wenzel

    I knew I shouldn’t have downloaded it if I didn’t want to go to sleep angry. I read two chapters and there is so. Much. Wrong. So far I’ve gathered: there is no such thing as an atheist. Everyone actually believes in a god, but some people just don’t accept him and Jesus because it’s not the cool thing to do, and they can always do it later. Also, all of these people are just bad to the bone. They smoke and drink and steal and hate their stupid parents. The goodie two shoe Christian parents. However, the good news is that you too can become a Christian. Why, you’d probably already be one if you ever listened to a sincere sermon. If you did that and ACTUALLY listened, BAM! Instant Christian. This will have an instant effect on your personality, and you will go from a drunken deadbeat who gets drunk and hits his family to a sober, kid hugging, love spouting fella. So! Easy! Because deep down, we all know there is a god. Some of us just choose not to love him.
    And that’s just the first two chapters! No wonder all of my Christian friends (I’m in oklahoma so…that would be all my friends) have refused to talk to me since I “came out”. They all love these books. I can assume, therefore, that they believe whats in them. I feel sick 🙁

  • Elizabeth Wenzel

    I knew I shouldn’t have downloaded it if I didn’t want to go to sleep angry. I read two chapters and there is so. Much. Wrong. So far I’ve gathered: there is no such thing as an atheist. Everyone actually believes in a god, but some people just don’t accept him and Jesus because it’s not the cool thing to do, and they can always do it later. Also, all of these people are just bad to the bone. They smoke and drink and steal and hate their stupid parents. The goodie two shoe Christian parents. However, the good news is that you too can become a Christian. Why, you’d probably already be one if you ever listened to a sincere sermon. If you did that and ACTUALLY listened, BAM! Instant Christian. This will have an instant effect on your personality, and you will go from a drunken deadbeat who gets drunk and hits his family to a sober, kid hugging, love spouting fella. So! Easy! Because deep down, we all know there is a god. Some of us just choose not to love him.
    And that’s just the first two chapters! No wonder all of my Christian friends (I’m in oklahoma so…that would be all my friends) have refused to talk to me since I “came out”. They all love these books. I can assume, therefore, that they believe whats in them. I feel sick 🙁

  • Elizabeth Wenzel

    I knew I shouldn’t have downloaded it if I didn’t want to go to sleep angry. I read two chapters and there is so. Much. Wrong. So far I’ve gathered: there is no such thing as an atheist. Everyone actually believes in a god, but some people just don’t accept him and Jesus because it’s not the cool thing to do, and they can always do it later. Also, all of these people are just bad to the bone. They smoke and drink and steal and hate their stupid parents. The goodie two shoe Christian parents. However, the good news is that you too can become a Christian. Why, you’d probably already be one if you ever listened to a sincere sermon. If you did that and ACTUALLY listened, BAM! Instant Christian. This will have an instant effect on your personality, and you will go from a drunken deadbeat who gets drunk and hits his family to a sober, kid hugging, love spouting fella. So! Easy! Because deep down, we all know there is a god. Some of us just choose not to love him.
    And that’s just the first two chapters! No wonder all of my Christian friends (I’m in oklahoma so…that would be all my friends) have refused to talk to me since I “came out”. They all love these books. I can assume, therefore, that they believe whats in them. I feel sick 🙁

  • Elizabeth Wenzel

    I knew I shouldn’t have downloaded it if I didn’t want to go to sleep angry. I read two chapters and there is so. Much. Wrong. So far I’ve gathered: there is no such thing as an atheist. Everyone actually believes in a god, but some people just don’t accept him and Jesus because it’s not the cool thing to do, and they can always do it later. Also, all of these people are just bad to the bone. They smoke and drink and steal and hate their stupid parents. The goodie two shoe Christian parents. However, the good news is that you too can become a Christian. Why, you’d probably already be one if you ever listened to a sincere sermon. If you did that and ACTUALLY listened, BAM! Instant Christian. This will have an instant effect on your personality, and you will go from a drunken deadbeat who gets drunk and hits his family to a sober, kid hugging, love spouting fella. So! Easy! Because deep down, we all know there is a god. Some of us just choose not to love him.
    And that’s just the first two chapters! No wonder all of my Christian friends (I’m in oklahoma so…that would be all my friends) have refused to talk to me since I “came out”. They all love these books. I can assume, therefore, that they believe whats in them. I feel sick 🙁

  • Elizabeth Wenzel

    I knew I shouldn’t have downloaded it if I didn’t want to go to sleep angry. I read two chapters and there is so. Much. Wrong. So far I’ve gathered: there is no such thing as an atheist. Everyone actually believes in a god, but some people just don’t accept him and Jesus because it’s not the cool thing to do, and they can always do it later. Also, all of these people are just bad to the bone. They smoke and drink and steal and hate their stupid parents. The goodie two shoe Christian parents. However, the good news is that you too can become a Christian. Why, you’d probably already be one if you ever listened to a sincere sermon. If you did that and ACTUALLY listened, BAM! Instant Christian. This will have an instant effect on your personality, and you will go from a drunken deadbeat who gets drunk and hits his family to a sober, kid hugging, love spouting fella. So! Easy! Because deep down, we all know there is a god. Some of us just choose not to love him.
    And that’s just the first two chapters! No wonder all of my Christian friends (I’m in oklahoma so…that would be all my friends) have refused to talk to me since I “came out”. They all love these books. I can assume, therefore, that they believe whats in them. I feel sick 🙁

  • Elizabeth Wenzel

    I knew I shouldn’t have downloaded it if I didn’t want to go to sleep angry. I read two chapters and there is so. Much. Wrong. So far I’ve gathered: there is no such thing as an atheist. Everyone actually believes in a god, but some people just don’t accept him and Jesus because it’s not the cool thing to do, and they can always do it later. Also, all of these people are just bad to the bone. They smoke and drink and steal and hate their stupid parents. The goodie two shoe Christian parents. However, the good news is that you too can become a Christian. Why, you’d probably already be one if you ever listened to a sincere sermon. If you did that and ACTUALLY listened, BAM! Instant Christian. This will have an instant effect on your personality, and you will go from a drunken deadbeat who gets drunk and hits his family to a sober, kid hugging, love spouting fella. So! Easy! Because deep down, we all know there is a god. Some of us just choose not to love him.
    And that’s just the first two chapters! No wonder all of my Christian friends (I’m in oklahoma so…that would be all my friends) have refused to talk to me since I “came out”. They all love these books. I can assume, therefore, that they believe whats in them. I feel sick 🙁

  • Ex-Baptist Daughter

    Totally read these when I was a kid.  I remember thinking they were too liberal…

  • Ex-Baptist Daughter

    Totally read these when I was a kid.  I remember thinking they were too liberal…

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