The Name's Awesome… How About the Rest of It? July 8, 2011

The Name's Awesome… How About the Rest of It?

If you use dating websites and you’d like to meet other atheists, there are really two options:

One is to go to a traditional site (like Match or OKCupid… anything but eHarmony, really) and search specifically for other atheists. Because of the sheer numbers, you’re bound to find other like-minded people. (Whether you’re a good match or not is a different question.)

The other option is to go to atheist-only dating sites. So far, these ventures haven’t fared as well. Maybe because the numbers never hit a tipping point or maybe because the number of men on the site vastly outnumbered the women. Those are challenges any site like that has to overcome, though.

There’s now a new site that wants to give the atheist-only idea a shot. It’s called CarbonDate.Me (clever!) and it was started by folks at ThinkAtheist.

Like all new sites, it’s bound to have some initial technical problems, and its success depends almost entirely on how many people sign up (and if enough of them are women). Right now, there aren’t a lot of profiles at all. However, registration is free if your sign up before August 7th so if it’s the type of thing you might be interested in, now would be the time to check it out.

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  • Looks nice but I’m already married and my wife doesn’t swing.

    But if you are interested, don’t wait too long because I see the age cut-off is 101. Perhaps I’ll start a niche atheist dating site for those over 101 😉

  • Sesoron

    I still swear by OkCupid, because it paired me up with my delightful agnostic girlfriend. And Match is still just as much of a racket as Harmony: their business models depend on keeping people subscribed for a little while but not actually getting them results.

  • I too had good luck with OKCupid, although it took me a couple of years and an attitude adjustment to find my sweetie. (I’d never have contacted him first given the difference in our ages and the distance between our ZIP codes, but thankfully he ignored those factors!)

    OKCupid, besides being mostly free (there are some “premium” features that you can pay for if you want to), is a friendly place for non-believers.

  • Elly

    Like Jeff P, I’m married, so am not particularly interested in the service.

    What I am interested in, however, is inclusiveness. It’s obvious from the latest “Elevatorgate” kerfuffle, that movement atheism is struggling to shed its image as a predominantly white, heterosexual male movement. Unfortunately, it looks like the developers didn’t get the memo. The couple in the banner ad is your usual white, hetero, young couple; and the generic, default avatars are white as well.

    I have nothing against white, straight guys (for the record, I’m a whiter shade of pale and my husband is the same). But if we want movement atheism to grow, then we need to think a little harder about the images we use to represent us.

  • I’ve had a lot of experience with OkCupid. My impression is that it is very good for skeptically minded people in general. It also has the nice detail that they have semi-regular articles about what their very large data sets shows about people on their site. Some of the correlations they’ve found are really unexpected and neat.

  • Eleanor

    I met my husband on OkCupid, and before that, I used the site to meet lots of really interesting, like-minded guys (several of whom I’m still friends with) and had many awesome dates.

    I don’t think there’s a need for an Atheist-specific dating site, when there are plenty of us on OKC, which is free, already established, and easy to use.

  • Ibis3

    Unfortunately, it looks like the developers didn’t get the memo. The couple in the banner ad is your usual white, hetero, young couple; and the generic, default avatars are white as well.

    They’re also both very stock photo model-ly to me. It rather gives the impression that normal-looking folk (even if white & hetero) need not apply.

  • Erin

    I meet my boyfriend, 2 1/2 years now, on OKCupid. I wasn’t thinking of myself as atheist, but with all the question u can do are liberal views made us a good match. I remember his religious views were listed as “Praise Wodin” from WoW I think. While dating him I realized I was atheist and we both think xians are delusional. We don’t agree with everything and have some recent rough times but we work through it and I am really glad I joined OKC, and that it’s FREE is great!

  • Glenn Davey

    I met lots of people through Match– very good for a young man only looking for hook-ups. Not so good for looking for love.

    Never try to find a girlfriend or wife on dating websites. Only use it to have sex.

    CarbonDate.Me is just a clever website name. It should never have been created.

    Even if I wasn’t now in a committed relationship I wouldn’t sign up to CarbonDate.Me. No thinking girl I know of would sign up to something like that.

    Despite it’s “fresh” (clichéd), dating-site design, atheist girls know that those front pages are always hiding a big old pile of desperate, sweaty geeks.

    Forget about it…

  • Glenn Davey

    In other words, CarbonDate.Me sounds like an entire site JUST for Elevator Guys.

  • Harley

    Another vote for OKCupid. I finally made the switch over a year ago from and met someone great almost immediately.

    After being on for so long I figured out out that women who don’t explicitly remove their profiles or who use the ‘free trial’ are on there forever, but listed as “inactive over 3 weeks”. I ended up talking to the same person I met over a year ago once, when she logged back in and created a new profile. Both her old and new profile showed up in search for ‘atheists’. And she had no idea.

    Not cleaning out the older profiles is a great way to make it look like you have lots of users. But because ‘declared atheists’ is a relatively small group, it’s easy to spot duplicates.

  • meko

    @Glenn – right there with you. I find that for meeting new men to date, non-atheist social activities are the way to go. There are often atheists there and there aren’t the same Elevator Guy norms.

  • Larry Meredith

    Oh you people are too harsh on poor Elevator Guy.

    I don’t do dating sites. I’m an overweight anti-social nerd with no friends and lives with mom. I’d feel too much like a cliche to go on one of those sites. I don’t want to be the big sweaty desperate geek all the women avoid like the plague. I’ve found other non-dating chat sites where I’m much more comfortable meeting people.

  • *groan*

    If you can’t beat ’em, join ’em?
    (I mean Christian-branded merch and services, not potential dates!)

  • meko

    And I agree. OKCupid has a lot of fun people on it. There’s no reason to seek out something atheist-specific, especially the difficulties women experience at live atheist-specific events.

  • JD

    I think the biggest problem with existing sites is that you can’t hard-lock theists out of their recommendations, at least the ones that I tried.

  • beckster

    I think more women should give those sweaty big geeky guys a second look. Most of them are great guys.

  • Ashlyn

    I use and like OKCupid but on this site I can list my sexuality as Pansexual and that is awesome, so it has won at least a registration from me!

  • ash

    I signed up. I feel dirty. Going to give OKcupid a go too.

    Apparently, I like feeling dirty

  • I happen to be an atheist, and a girl, so I want to support them but a relationship is the last thing I want. I’ll just sign up as “looking for friendship!”

  • Hm, I tried signing up, but when I chose “Canada” as my country the sign up page returned an error that it was an “invalid location”. So is the site only available to Americans? If so, why bother having the country selection list at all?

    I’d complain to them except, y’know, you need to be registered first…

  • Ash

    First off, I do love the idea. Online dating in general is such a great thing for atheists, especially the closeted folk. I met a lot of great guys I would have missed out on if I didn’t have my dating site as a directory of single atheist men, haha.

    As for CarbonDate… not nuts about the site design, and I’m not noticing any major indicators that the site is intended for nonbelievers, besides the usernames of the registered members.

    I would also be willing to bet that most of the subscribers to such a site are also registered on OKCupid (my dating site of choice). I wouldn’t create a separate profile to meet all the same people, you know?

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