The Evil Atheist Math Teacher Agenda July 1, 2011

The Evil Atheist Math Teacher Agenda

Oh man, the folks at ChristWire are on to my wicked plans! They know that I teach ungodly things like “irrational numbers” to my students:

Public schools are dens of sin where gothemo girls will try to rub their milk sacs all over your son. But advances from titful harlots are not the only dangers–even the teachers in public schools try to force sin on the young. The fabricated devil science of “evolution” has long been recognized by Christians as Satanic, but irrational numbers are equally as unholy, and children have been forced to learn them as “fact” for years.

The most popular “irrational number” is pi, or the circumference of a circle divided by its diameter. Atheists claim that pi is equal to 3.14159265… and on and on and never stopping even though your good Christian mind knows that it must stop at some point.

Guess I better stick to integers before they catch me…

(Thanks to Joe for the link!)

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  • Angel

    I love ChristWire! They always make me laugh.

  • OMG, they’re onto you, Hemant. I wonder how long until they realize that “e” stands for “evil” and “i” stands for “I love Satan.”

  • SeekerLancer

    This is an example of Poe’s law.

    That said this isn’t the first time I’ve heard die-hard fundamentalists claim Pi = 3, sadly.

  • Lisa

    Oh god, this is hilarious.

  • AteoAbsurdo


  • Rudy Ruddell

    As a fellow high school math teacher, I must confess, I have committed the SIN of 30 degrees many time, but I feel only *half* guilty. I actually prefer e to pi.

  • the captain


    1) How do we calculate circles, then?

    2) Have you SEEN adolescent boys recently? I’m pretty sure that the “gothemo girls” can keep their “milk sacs” to themselves (sub-point a) GROSS b) are they also nursing children, or what?).

  • girlgenius

    Sorry for being ignorant about Christwire — are those guys for real? I mean, their stuff reads like The Onion in a different context. Is that intentional?

    Sorry, just having a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that there are people in the world bent on believing pi=3, among other things…

  • This has got to be a spoof, surely. Please! But the trouble is that it leaves you wondering whether any of these idiots really do believe such. er. … sorry – I haven’t got a word for it. It’s just too daft.

  • Emmet Cooney

    Tell me more about these ‘gothemo girls’ and their (no doubt heavily tattooed or at least mascaraed) ‘milk sacs.’ Inquiring minds want to know!

  • Ahhh.. Poe at his finest.

  • Claudio I

    The statistician says “pi is 3.14159265… ”
    The mathematician says “pi is the relationship between the circumference and diameter of a circle. ”
    The engineer says “pi is about 3.”

    And apparently the ‘true believer’ says “pi is exactly 3! ”

    I never thought professor Frink was a theist.

  • Steve

    Tau > Pi

    Pi is indeed pretty illogical. Using tau, a quarter circle is actually Tau/4 in radians as one would assume and a lot of formulas become simpler.

    Btw, i isn’t an irrational number

  • Julie

    So is this like a religious version of The Onion? I’ve never heard of it.

  • What is the value of Sin(pi) anyway? If you’re using Radians, then it’s zero. Why? Cos!

  • Milksacs, you say…? Rubbing?

    …see you guys later. I’m goin’ late for class.

  • pirmas407

    I can only imagine “Cool” Tom Kimbo writing that “milk sac” line with a hand under the table…

    However, it is a fake website (or so says Wikipedia).

  • Epistaxis

    Every time someone refers to a Christwire article, there are multiple people who feel obligated to point out it’s satire.

    Why ruin the fun?

  • Meghan

    Been nonreligious for a long time…I remember the xians tormenting me in school. But I only developed “milk sacs” recently, maybe I would have been rubbing up against them had I been lactating then.

  • Well of course pi is a BAD number. Read the bible…it calculates pi to 3.0. Bath time in the round.

  • “Neither is it a coincidence that the two letters in “pi,” “p” and “i,” are the two most important letters in “penis.” Homo math teachers want to touch your child’s penis and they are barely even being subtle about it.”

    First time reader of Christwire. I thought it must be a joke.

    And “Cool Tom Kimbo” closed with “Home school your children, and write your Senator to demand we stop funding the Chinese lies that are taught in our classrooms.”

  • Nakor

    Oh dear, they’ve discovered mathematical definitions. They’ve already defined SIN as 3.1415… (which is going to be confusing when they need to take the sine of it). Pretty soon they’ll be defining Jesus as infinity and Earth as 6000 and mathematicians will be crying rivers of blood (which will equal 2.4 for no apparent reason).

    And it’ll happen fast. It’s not like they don’t have practice at this — they’ve been arbitrarily assigning values to things for no apparent reason since they’ve been around!

    Fellow math nerds, we must do something to put a stop to this… before all our stylin’ greek letters get replaced by biblical references! ;_;

  • atlantan

    Not just that, these so called “mathematics” experts are introducing some pagan new-age feeble-minded concepts like “transcendental numbers.”

    In fact, as this good Christian home-schooling mother notes, these leftist professors in liberal-biased universities even write nonsensical books on math!

    Disclaimer: This entire comment is a joke.

  • Ben

    ‘Milk sacs’…? Since when does anybody call human breasts that? What are we talking about – spiders???

  • That site must be a joke, like the Onion, right? I mean, seriously?

    With articles like Are Hats Interfering With Your Relationship With God? and Dos Equis Knows How To Treat a Woman, I’m just going to assume it’s subversive humor.

  • Zac

    “Gothemo” girls? Milk sacs? Come on, this has to be satire.

  • Ben

    PI is evil because the longer it goes on the more likely there is to be a 666 in there. Therefore, as a rational-minded person I declare PI to be complete after two 6s are found in a row but before the third one.

    Thus, PI is exactly:

    1415926535897932384626433832795028841971693993751058209 7494459230781640628620899862803482534211706798214808651 3282306647093844609550582231725359408128481117450284102 7019385211055596446229489549303819644288109756659334461 2847564823378678316527120190914564856692346034861045432 6648213393607260249141273724587006606315588174881520920 9628292540917153643678925903600113305305488204665213841 4695194151160943305727036575959195309218611738193261179 3105118548074462379962749567351885752724891227938183011 9491298336733624406566430860213949463952247371907021798 6094370277053921717629317675238467481846766940513200056 8127145263560827785771342757789609173637178721468440901 2249534301465495853710507922796892589235420199561121290 2196086403441815981362977477130996051870721134999999837 2978049951059731732816096318595024459455346908302642522 3082533446850352619311881710100031378387528865875332083 8142061717766914730359825349042875546873115956286388235 3787593751957781857780532171226806613001927876611195909 2164201989380952572010654858632788659361533818279682303 0195203530185296899577362259941389124972177528347913151 5574857242454150695950829533116861727855889075098381754 6374649393192550604009277016711390098488240128583616035 6370766010471018194295559619894676783744944825537977472 6847104047534646208046684259069491293313677028989152104 7521620569660240580381501935112533824300355876402474964 7326391419927260426992279678235478163600934172164121992 4586315030286182974555706749838505494588586926995690927 2107975093029553211653449872027559602364806654991198818 3479775356636980742654252786255181841757467289097777279 3800081647060016145249192173217214772350141441973568548 1613611573525521334757418494684385233239073941433345477 6241686251898356948556209921922218427255025425688767179 0494601653466804988627232791786085784383827967976681454 1009538837863609506800642251252051173929848960841284886 2694560424196528502221066118630674427862203919494504712 3713786960956364371917287467764657573962413890865832645 9958133904780275900994657640789512694683983525957098258 2262052248940772671947826848260147699090264013639443745 5305068203496252451749399651431429809190659250937221696 4615157098583874105978859597729754989301617539284681382 6868386894277415599185592524595395943104997252468084598 7273644695848653836736222626099124608051243884390451244 1365497627807977156914359977001296160894416948685558484 0635342207222582848864815845602850601684273945226746767 889525213852254995466

  • I am begging you to tell us this is a joke. Please? PLEASE???

  • Fribnit said, “I am begging you to tell us this is a joke. Please? PLEASE???”

    Yes Fribnit, Yes it is. But it is funny because many think it might be true.

  • Ben, I seriously went cross eyed trying to look XD

  • L.Long

    As bandsmom said the buyBull states, and I don’t remember the silly location, that a vase has a circumference of x and the diameter is y and when divided it comes out to 3.
    This isn’t too bad when you consider this is written by desert dwelling sheep pluckers. But so many brain dead think it is g0ds holey word. And this doesn’t take into account all the people that think ‘Math Suks’ and 3 is good enough.

  • Atom Jack

    I have run across xtians who insisted pi=3. It’s in Kings, and they accept the buy-bull as…gospel, literally. Yeesh.

  • I’m assuming this is satire, but are there really Christians that think maths is evil? I don’t see why, as i stands for their god, — imaginary.

  • Ben

    Hehe. The hint was in the post. The last two numbers are 6s, the next number would have been a 6 too—that is the first occurrence of 666.

  • Richard Wade

    I am begging you to tell us this is a joke. Please? PLEASE???


    I have proof

  • Dona Lynette Stewart

    How do you feel about the Old Testament verse, “The fool said in his heart, there is no God.”?

    I believe God created atheists, also, and that there is a very good reason they are non-believers.

    I believe your purpose is to properly challenge believers, who are naive concerning topics of faith, and assume they know everything. Properly challenging, means making them think, making them question.

    Really, life is a challenge for all of us. Love, DLS

  • Steve

    There were better approximations for Pi even back then. The value of 3.14 was known then. Also various fractions to get very close to it.

  • @Dona,

    We are glad to be of service. Do we get wings or must we still burn in hell after we die? 😉

  • Richard Wade

    Dona, I sincerely appreciate your inclusive, positive viewpoint. It reflects a loving heart.

    As for the two psalms by David that begin

    The fool said in his heart, there is no God.

    I guess they should have been given a biblical asterisk referring to the New Testament in Matthew 5:22

    And whosoever shall say, Thou Fool, shall be in danger of hell fire.

    Now forgive me for being just a little snarky:
    Well I certainly hope that David isn’t roasting in hell, just because he called God’s skeptical teachers fools twice. I mean, that seems a bit excessive. I wouldn’t even give him a slap on the wrist with a ruler even if he said it directly to my face. Next time I see God, I’ll find out if David’s okay.

  • gc1ceo

    Site has be hoaxy to some extent, because never heard or read any “evil math” tracts even from those who refuse to believe in astronomy or that the Earth is round. Some of the ads on that site make me wonder too, plus some of the other articles look too satrized too.

  • Charles Black

    Darn it those meddling Christians foiled us again. 🙂

  • Jeffery

    Gothemo milk sacs??? That’s awesome!! Crazy people say the cutest things!

  • @Dona Lynette Stewart,

    So Dona; we atheist are nothing more then “bait fish” for the real catch?

    Another example of how little thought goes into this loving “God” of yours.

  • I laughed out loud at the first sentence.

  • Christwire may be satire, but there are math text books now being published for home school kids by Christian publishing houses that remove set theory on the grounds set theory is anti-Christian.

    The story ran in an article published on AlterNet titled, “Christian Dogma Pushed by Religious Schools that are Supported by Your Tax Dollars”. I recall the reference to set theory occurs towards the end of the article.

    Sorry I can’t provide the link at the moment. Google isn’t working for me, for some reason.

  • JenniferT

    Disappointing not to see the word mAtheist in there somewhere.

  • TiltedHorizon

    This is my new favorite site. It’s the Christian Onion. It gotta be a spoof, look at their other reports:

    Deee-Lite is the Reason Gay Became Popular in the 90?s

    Peeping Tom Phish Fan Evades Police by Hiding in Porta Potty

    Is Harvey Milk in Hell? New Analysis of “Well to Hell” Tapes Provide Possible Answers

    Can Cat Meat Solve the World’s Hunger Problem?

    Afro-Gay, the Most Violent Gay Breed Yet

    Is My Husband GAY?

    Is “Portal 2? Safe for the Christain Family?

    Why Do Hippies Still Exist in America?

    How To Spot A Masturbator

  • garsedj

    wrong ! troll science proved that pi = 4

  • Tom Bourque

    If you combine the following in the correct way:




    you get a tasty desert. 😀

  • Surely christwire is parody? But then, can’t be sure with the way many of the christians act on forums

  • @Dona:

    Immediately after that verse in the Bible comes the following:

    1 The fool says in his heart, “There is no God.” They are corrupt, their deeds are vile; there is no one who does good.

    2 The LORD looks down from heaven on all mankind to see if there are any who understand,any who seek God.
    3 All have turned away, all have become corrupt; there is no one who does good, not even one.

    So unless you’re also willing to say that we’re all evil and none of us do good, I suggest you not use that phrase to peddle your beliefs.

  • Yeah Christpher, I knew it was a joke but thanks

  • keystothekid


  • tinker

    I admit, I was taken in. I went to the Cristwire site and looked around and got sick to my stomach. It wasn’t until I came back here that I realized that it was a spoof. Why? I see Onion articles and don’t do believe they are fact. Must be because I believe that Christians are capable of deluding themselves in many ways. And that is a great evil.

  • BEX

    BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Thanks for the laugh!

  • SuperV

    How sad that it isn’t for real…
    If not, I would’ve loved to point out that i and e are also part of «Dieu», french word for God.

    Still very funny though.

  • Ben

    I’m a language teacher (Spanish) but one language I had the most difficult time was with math. Irrational numbers? Really? I could never understand the “language.” So, to help dumb people like myself and future kids to please make the “words” of math more understandable. Because, “irrational numbers” doesn’t make any sense.

  • The worldview of these [Christian] textbook publishers impact areas you might not suspect, including choosing phonics over whole language reading instruction and rejecting the teaching of set theory in mathematics, both on religious grounds. The A Beka publishers advertise the math curriculum as, “A Beka Book provides attractive, legible, workable traditional mathematics texts that are not burdened with modern theories such as set theory.”

    Christian Dogma Pushed by Religious Schools

    Looks like you’re aligned with the devil for your wicked teaching of set theory, Hemant.

  • Steve

    “irrational” in maths doesn’t mean illogical or unreasonable

    Rational numbers are ones that can be expressed as a ratio of two integers. Like 2/7. Irrational numbers are ones that can’t be defined as the ratio of two others.

  • Ben

    @Steve….see you did it again…what the hell is a “rational number” and you use “express” in an odd way. And in your ratio is 2 divided by 7 or something else? And then you say, “irrational numbers are one that can’t be defined as the ratio of two others.” huh?

    Like I said I’m not understanding the language. I know that irrational in math doesn’t mean illogical or unreasonable, you made me feel stupid just then.

  • Nordog

    I think it correct to say that the square root of 2 can be represented as a given magnitude, e.g., expressed as a line, but pi cannot be expressed by any magnitude (beyond the irratonal number) inasmuch as it represents the constant relationship of two separate and incommensurable aspects of every circle.

  • Steve

    You said you didn’t understand the language. From that one would assume that you don’t know why they are called “irrational”. I explained that it’s because of the concept of ratios.

    There are numbers that can’t be written as a ratio of two integers. And those are called irrational. What’s so hard to understand about that? Determining whether a number is rational or not is another thing entirely, but the basic idea is fairly simple.

    There is no way you can write the square root of two as the ratio of two integers. So it’s irrational.

  • Ben

    You’re speaking another language. Saying “what’s so hard to understand that” is insulting. Excuse me for not knowing what the fuck you are talking about. But, YOU are the one using vague language. Might you want people to understand? Explain yourself instead of seeming to talking down to others. I just want to understand because I don’t know.

    And, don’t be an asshole.

  • Angel

    There are links that will take you to definitions of any of the words you’ve expressed a comprehension difficulty with as they relate to the subject.

  • MariaO

    Transcendental numbers are much more interesting than irrational ones! Luckily pi is also transcendental so maybe it is a little holy after all?

    But they Xians are right to be afraid of mathematicians: after all, algebraists do it in groups while analysts do it continuously and computer scientists discretely.

  • Nordog

    But, YOU are the one using vague language.

    The grasp one has of the language of mathematics may be vague, but the language itself is the opposite of vague. The whole point is to be precise.

  • I don’t understand the Christian problem with the value of π. I Kings 7:23 works just fine if the pool is an elipse with a minor axis of about 9 cubits, 2 digits. Indeed, if we make the reasonable assumption that the pool appears circular in the Eyes of God (from His perch above the Holy of Holies), simple trigonometry lets us calculate His height at a bit over twice the distance of the pool from the temple (my poor drawing).

    It’s not clear why God makes the sky seem higher than that, but we know from the 6000-year age of the Earth that some of us are fooled in other ways as well.

  • Randeep

    I have a hard time believing these people, like the Westboro Church, are for real.

  • tony

    As tradition goes, when a follower of Pythagoras proved that a^2+b^2=c^2 did not always produce a whole number, (and subsequently disproved the idea that the universe was made up of perfect whole numbers) they stabbed him a through him overboard.

    Religion, even with a scientific underpinning is just scary.

  • fern

    wtf? You know ChristIne is satire, right?

  • But you’d think good Christians would be on the side of the irrational.

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