Jen McCreight Bait

Where do I sign up to become an atheist?

Personally, I’m just enjoying skimming the reviews. There’s a few price comments in there lol.

Actually- though Jesus wants little girls to grow up and be magically feminine, he still knows what’s on the inside of the heart and if the inside of your heart is not beautiful … the kind of beauty that can only be found by being washed in his blood- the outward appearance doesn’t matter to him… at all! This Bible represents a world that believes works/appearances matter more than faith, grace and love/the heart. Jesus doesn’t give a shit about Bedazzled Bibles – or the little shits that carry them around if the little princess in question hasn’t dedicated her heart, soul and vajayjay to him… for eternity… like I have.
How’s that for discussion?

But does Jesus sparkle like a pretty vampire? Does he?

Pretty pink covers don’t hide the nasty things that happen inside. Maybe they should change that too:

Now Adam held hands with his wife, Eve, and the LORD put a tiny, tiny baby inside her belly. When she gave birth to Cain, she said, “With the LORD’s help, I have produced a cute little baby!” Later she gave birth to his brother and named him Abel.

When they grew up, Abel became a shepherd, while Cain was a silly gardener. When it was time for the harvest, Cain presented some of his silly little crops to the LORD. Abel also brought a gift — the best of his firstborn lambs from his flock because they’re so cuddly. Plus, it was pink and flecked with gold! The LORD accepted Abel and his gift, but he did not accept Cain and his silly little gift. This made Cain very angry and he looked sad.

“Why are you so angry?” the LORD asked Cain. “Why do you look so sad? You will be accepted if you do what is right. But if you refuse to do what is right, then watch out! You might get bullied and be miserable!”

One day Cain suggested to his brother, “Let’s frolic in the fields.” And while they were in the field, Cain pushed his brother down, and he couldn’t get up again.

Afterward the LORD asked Cain, “Where is your brother? Where is Abel?”

“I don’t know,” Cain responded. “Can’t he take care of himself?”

But the LORD said, “What have you done? Listen! I hear your brother crying! He scraped his knee. You have to go sit in time out, and no more silly garden tools for you!”

Cain replied to the LORD, “But that’s not fair! People will pick on me now!”

The LORD replied, “No, because if they do I will spank them.” Then the LORD put a mark on Cain to warn anyone who might try to pick on him. So Cain left the LORD’s presence and settled in the land of Nod, east of Eden.

The reviews made me want to throw up…

Love it! I think it would make a right fine campy gift for some of my gay male friends (or me, for that matter). However, I’m sure I would totally get the side eye were I to attempt to buy one at the Christian bookstore.

I always prefer my bigotry and sexism in a cute, little, pink wrapping. The fact someone’s gone nuts with the bejeweling tool is just icing…

My niece (7) has a similar bible since a couple of years… although hers is the King James Version, I believe…

@Miss Coconut please tell me that you made that up and that’s not the International Childrens Bible actual text? Spank? You’re joking, right? Please?

I can think of little you could do to that book cover to make it less attractive to me as a child. So what will the “boys” version be like? The Bible is certainly more stereotypical boy friendly. I’m guessing you could bindi it in black leather, use a spattering of fake blood and an illustration of any one of the countless god-sanctioned massacres of men women and children. I don’t think it would be for every child, but it would be more accurate than a bloody pink bejeweled tiara!

On the inside, does it read, “According to this book, you’re worthless and inferior”?

Are there unicorns in it?

The cutout on the cover looks like a bedazzled pink penis. Consistent, but not entirely appropriate.

So, cute, pink, sparkly surrounded murder, torture, and rape at the command of God.

When marketed to children, I can only imagine it’s either being marketed by people who haven’t actually read it or to people they hope won’t read it.

Claudia:

One of the reviews on Amazon complains loudly that there is no boys’ version. She says it should be in the theme of “God’s Chosen Warriors”. Hm.

I feel a bit sick after reading the reviews. Pink and brainwashing together. Blegh.

“Full color princess section” Oooh! I wonder if they illustrate all of the horrible things that the Bible says you can/must do to “princesses” of all ages…

There’s a whole little subculture of Christianity calling women “princesses” and urging them to think of themselves that way.

See here for the website of the most prominent purveyor of the crap, including possibly the most disgusting aspect of it, here.

Jesus was all about the bling.

Claudia:

@Miss Coconut please tell me that you made that up and that’s not the International Childrens Bible actual text? Spank? You’re joking, right? Please?

Yes, it’s made up. I just mean, how will a fluffy pink and sparkly cover make what’s inside any better? And then the people complaining it says ‘sexual relations’! It’s not terrible that women are raped or people are murdered, but they don’t want their kids to know how babies are made! Bit deranged, isn’t it?

It’s kinda like Helly Kitty M-16 or something. Cute, but very disturbing.

Holy crap, I saw a little girl at work with one of these bibles (or one like it). They were a family of 7th Day Adventist. I know that because the kids were in their school uniforms and the shirts had the name of the school on it (I think it was embroidered on the pocket or something).

@Timothy: Don’t hate the girls. Hate the gender-role-obsessed conformist culture that creates them.

I had a pink and tacky fabric bible cover as a child. It was lacy pink fabric with a white lace trim. I’d forgotten all about it until I saw that

If they make a SpongeBob Bible I will totally buy one.