Military JesusCakes June 21, 2011

Military JesusCakes

American soldiers in Afghanistan were treated to some special cakes around Easter this year.

A soldier (wishing to remain anonymous) wrote:

I took these from my iPhone back in Easter while deployed in Afghanistan. I couldn’t send them to my email until I got back from the deployment. These cakes were laid out in our combat Forward Operating Base dining facility during Easter, 2011.

At least with the top picture, I see hints of the Flying Spaghetti Monster…

I’m not sure if these are treats from the commanding officers, which could border on illegal proselytizing, or just a Christian soldier making something for other Christian soldiers…

But if they allow a Christian cake, they have to allow an atheist cake, too, right?!

Justin Griffith thinks so, and he’s taking suggestions for what an atheist cake should have on it.

Justin adds that he’s serious about making this happen. (I demand pictures after the dessert is made! And maybe a sample or three.)

By the way, if you suggest the cake include “nothing at all,” trust me, you’re not the first to say that line.

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What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • Suggestions:


    int god(void) { }

  • Alex

    How about just a peace sign, surely that’s what the goal is or should be!

  • Kristian

    Growing up without religious teachings is interesting. I lived in Los Angeles in a predominantly Mexican American part of town so I was surrounded by Catholics but knew nothing about them. You see strange things at peoples houses all the time but you never want to say “Hey Hector? Why does your mom like the letter t so much, I mean it’s everywhere and some of them even have naked guys on them?

  • It reminds me of having to listen to Christian preachers talk about their mythical God over the loud speakers every single night for the 4 years I was stationed on board the USS Theodore Roosevelt. I’ve wondered for a while if that constitutes illegal proselytizing, since I’m sure it still goes on.

  • Maraude

    It’s their holiday, not ours; let them have their cake and eat it in their mass delusion. It would be perhaps more appropriate if they had cakes for the solstice etc for atheists. We can appreciate the change of seasons; it’s not fiction.

  • Meg

    “whosoer believeth”?

    Apparently even the edible Word of God needs a proofreader.

  • Larry Meredith

    didn’t you post a video before a cake that look’s like baby’s head, and the atheists are eating the baby?

    I’d like to see a cake with one of the many disgusting immoral bible quotes written on it with frosting.

  • NewEnglandBob

    An atheist cake should say “Think! Faith is useless”

  • Steve

    “Military Jesus Cakes” sounds like the name of a J-Pop/Rock band.

  • Parallax

    I think that the cake should just say “Oo, Cake” or “I hope you like this cake, cause it’s real”.

  • Parallax

    Oh hey I got some better ideas: “Cake doesn’t judge” and “Cake will never send you to Hell”. Okay, well, I thought they were better…

  • Ibis

    “Cake would be a gift from the gods…If there were gods”

    “Thank the baker”

    “There is no God, but there is Cake”

    “This cake is real”

    “God isn’t watching. Have another piece.”

  • How about a religious cake that says:

    “I have faith that this cake has no calories, because it’s just the way I feel.”

  • I suggest a marzipan brain.

  • theshiningfool

    “I’m not sure if these are treats from the commanding officers, which could border on illegal proselytizing, or just a Christian soldier making something for other Christian soldiers…”

    When I was in Iraq, at some of the larger FOBs, any organization could request a cake be made, they just had to fill out a couple of forms. I imagine the same thing happens in Afghansitan. These may be from the Chaplaincy, which, while I disagree with it, is allowed.

  • An atheist cake? Still thinking of those rainbow cupcakes from the other week?

    A phylogenetic tree pattern would be a good cake pattern.

  • It’s funny how medical Humvees have crescents on them since the cross would stir discomfort, yet I wonder if that’s a Muslim with the hair net on his chin, right next to the cross cake.

  • Nicoline

    How about a cake that’s shaped like the Constitution? Could you fit the entire Bill of Rights on a large sheet cake? I’ve never tried it, but it sounds feasible. Rainbow cake would also be good, as long as it doesn’t include any references to Noah :-)Or you could have a funnel cake stand and say it’s the Flying Spaghetti Monster….

  • Son of a Baker

    Bacon cake with Kentucky Jelly (KY Jelly) icing. Whatever it says, people will need a lot of faith in the maker to eat it.

  • The Other Tom

    Starry Night, with a teapot floating in the sky.

  • Chris aka “Happy Cat”

    I think any of the recent slogans used by the FFRF in Columbus, OH would look great on an “atheist cake”. The ones saying “Reason over faith, always” and “We value reason and compassion” would look great on a cake.
    On second thought, I doubt reason and compassion are things the military wants to endorse for those headed into combat.

  • Rich Wilson

    I think for Easter I’d go with a Pagan cake, although I’m not sure exactly what that would look like. Perhaps in the shape of ?ostre? With a prayer for fertility? Or if you really wanted to push the limit, you could model the Maypole and have something more phallic…

  • I’d like the first slice! So I can locate it properly on the cake, and then immediately toss it into the trash. The more people who see and are aghast, the better.

    An Atheist message? How about:

    “Keep church and state separate!”

  • Jeff Johnson

    Instead of a cake, how about a pie in the shape of the symbol for pi?

  • Bones

    Einstein sticking out his tongue.

  • heironymous

    There’s not a cake alive that isn’t an atheist.

  • Parse

    I’d suggest a baby-shaped cake, but that’d be a little small.

    If you’re looking for an explicitly atheistic message, I’ve always been a fan of the Douglas Adams quote, “Isn’t it enough to see that a garden is beautiful without having to believe that there are fairies at the bottom of it too?”. Or, if you’d prefer something shorter, “Made with 100% real star stuff”.

    If not, “Touched by His Noodley Appendage” would be fun to frost, with a depiction of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

  • @Kristian,

    “Hey Hector? Why does your mom like the letter t so much, I mean it’s everywhere and some of them even have naked guys on them?

    Thanks, I just blew energy drink out my nose.

  • Heidi

    “The Other Cake Is a Lie.”

  • OP Atheist

    This kind of reminds me of the rapture party that the Jacksonville Atheist Meetup group had on may 21st. Someone brought a cake which said “Jesus was a no-show(again)”. Not really applicable to this, but I thought it was funny.

  • Heartfout

    One should say chocolate. The other should say Victoria Sponge.

  • ButchKitties

    “And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in army mess halls and put their prayers on sheet cakes to be seen by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full.”

  • Michael

    Given the number of jokes floating around the internet about the marvellous nature of cheese, it should be a cheesecake decorated with these superlatives.

    For millions of years, man thought the moon was made of cheese.
    In 1969, we went there and discovered it was made of rock.
    We haven’t been back since.
    Behold, the Power of Cheese.

    The cheese stands alone

    The curds will show you the whey.

    etcetera etcetera

  • JB

    Isn’t pretty much any cake that isn’t religious an atheist cake? I’ll have Black Forest, please, and a portal gun . . . er . . . Aperture Science Handheld Portal Device.

  • Cheryl

    I am torn on this one.

    Who would be the audience for the atheist cake?
    A military atheist group? in that case, anything goes.
    Military people who are susceptible to losing their faith? Am not so sure that a military deployment situation is the best setting for pondering big philosophical questions and grappling with the basis for what Bertrand Russell (he of orbiting teapot fame) referred to as “consoling falsehoods.”

    I was a teenager when I shed my belief in God and I was not traumatized by it at all. But faith loss + deployment in war zone? In that context I MIGHT have found faith loss traumatic.

    Everyone responds differently, of course, but I think that of all the venues where to bring the good news of rationality, combat zones and funeral homes and hospices may not be the highest priority. Rather, I would fight to keep religious PREDATOR types out of those venues. I’ve heard of too many cases of “voluntary” conversion in extremis — yukk.

  • Chris aka “Happy Cat”

    This discussion reminds me of Eddie Izzard’s famous “Cake or Death” routine. If you haven’t seen it, it’s worth a look.

    “Tea and cake with the vicar or you die…”

    …”Cake or death?”
    “Death please… no,cake,cake. Sorry”, etc

    The subtle “Little Red Cook Book” line is a hoot. To bad it goes over so many heads.

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