This paragraph tells you everything you need to know about what happened to Taylor Campione and Kelsi Culpepper during a recent Minnesota Twins baseball game:
After seeing the quick peck on the lips, the guard told the women that “we don’t play grab ass here” and that they must “adhere to the 10 Commandments” while at the stadium.
A “quick peck” is equivalent to playing “grab ass”?
And which commandment did they break that other couples in the stadium were not?
Here’s the longer version of the events:
“I saw you kissing that girl, you can’t do that,” the security guard said.
“I can kiss whoever I want to,” Campione replied.
“Well, we don’t play grab ass here,” the guard answered.
When Culpepper came out of the bathroom, Campione told her what happened, and Culpepper decided to confront the security guard.
“I don’t understand what’s wrong with kissing my girlfriend,” Culpepper told the man.
After some argument, the guard repeated his comment about not “playing grab ass.”
“Then he said, ‘Well here in the stadium, we adhere to the 10 Commandments,'” recalls Culpepper. “After that, I decided I was no longer going to speak with him, and I asked for his manager.”
They could’ve easily just let this go and sit down, but I’m glad they took their complaint to a higher power.
And just like other “higher power,” this one didn’t do much of anything.
The security guard has since been reprimanded, but continues to work at the stadium, says Kevin Smith, a spokesman for the Twins.
“That behavior just is unacceptable,” Smith says of the biblical put-down. “That security guard has received both a verbal and written reprimand that will be put in his personnel file, and he understands that that is not an acceptable behavior.”
They’re downplaying this. It’s a slap on the wrist. The couple will be “filing a complaint with the Minnesota Department of Human Rights” on account of discrimination.
Deadspin hilariously notes that several commandments were indeed broken during the game — but the kiss wasn’t one of them:
Lesbianism is not mentioned in Exodus 20. The game was, however, played on a Friday and lasted until 11:31 p.m., more than two and a half hours after sunset, in violation of the Fourth Commandment. (For people with alternative Sabbaths, the series also included a game that began by daylight on Saturday and another one played on Sunday.) Leading off for the Twins was Denard Span, who once hit his own mother with a foul ball (Fifth Commandment) and who earlier this year said, “Thank God we didn’t get no-hit today” (Third).
By the way, that picture above? Probably wasn’t a good idea to Google “lesbians” and “Twins.” *Clears browsing history*
(Thanks to everyone for the link!)