They Want to Eat Your Brains April 29, 2011

They Want to Eat Your Brains

David Hayward jokes about how a pastor might be a zombie… but I’m pretty sure these things apply to most Christians in general:

How does one defeat a Christian Zombie, anyway? A science textbook?

(via nakedpastor)


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  • Valdyr

    Aim for the head… hm, actually, maybe not. Aim for whatever controls the body of a conservafundiegelical. Shoot the wallet of their Republican congressman? I dunno.

  • Defiantnonbeliever

    Feed with strong anti-virus ideas, voting out of office any zombies you can, report local violations of church state separation? Organize to defend against the war on science education and reality that is raging in the US with hundreds of assault/year?

  • Robster

    What about the money? The zombie priests, like all the other ones, really want nothing more than your money, all of it and they want it NOW. Our operators are standing by, ready to take your call, make sure you have your credit card handy.

  • kdb

    my science teacher is a very devouted mormon but not only is he one of the single nicest people I have ever met , he has not let his religion impact the way he teaches us .. he is one of the very few reliious people I have met that hasen’t tried to shove thier religion down my throat. He is most defenitly NOT a christian zombie and I counln’t be happier 🙂

  • jp

    None of this is actually funny.

  • Matt H

    That’s the funny thing about comedy. It’s subjective. I’m sure it’s funny to some people, just not you.

  • James

    Everything about this (including all of the comments) are funny.

    Funny isn’t it, now my opinion cancels out yours and now yours doesn’t matter.

  • Pureone

    I like this. It’s funny, because it’s true. If you don’t think it’s funny, it’s also because you know it’s true.

  • Defiantnonbeliever

    Who said zombies weren’t funny or make believe? Just watch out for the zombie vamp hybrid virus infected in expensive suits and official robes, they’re the worst.

    They need to be sprinkled with the cool-aid, for effective decapitation. 😛

  • Richard P.

    Isn’t that Pat Robertson?

  • jp (not me) must, therefore, be a zombie.

    Note last line of poster.

  • @kdb: This is what I find strange about Mormons; I’ve known only a few in my life, and gosh darn it, they just aren’t “hate-able” (at least for the most part; FLDS asshats notwithstanding, and I don’t wish to get into that whole LDS vs FLDS difference discussion).

    When I was a kid, I had a few friends who were LDS; their father was nice, their mother nice, the whole family nice – I even remember going to Sunday service with them once and taking part in cracker eating (strange ritual – even then, as I was a nominal baptist – actually, at the time I found the whole religious thing strange, and going with them to church really solidified it – though the real turning point was when another church in a completely different part of town picked me up in their bus, and my parents didn’t know about it until I called up crying – ugh)…

    As an adult, in two different jobs I had a co-worker who was LDS; both had went on missions. I enjoyed discussing their work and religion with them, and they seemed to enjoy the same. It was always something brought up in passing, but only once so you knew where they stood – and they never pushed it. Since I’m a software developer (and I also pursue numerous other computer-science activities outside of work that have shaped my ideas on the workings of the brain – as well as the nature of our minds – robotics, artificial intelligence, and virtual reality) – I was curious how these fellow LDS followers in computer science would react to various other arguments (mind/body in particular)…

    Non-flappable, to say the least, at least in my limited sample. We had interesting discussions, a bit of scripture thrown around, we both walked away from such discussions friendly; interesting, to say the least. Such discussions never impacted our work relationship, and if I saw either of them again, I would be pleased, to say the least.

    They wouldn’t be able to convert me (magical thinking doesn’t sway me now; science, logic and reason FTW), and I really don’t like their church’s stance (and perhaps their’s) on gay marriage (and I really can’t forgive them for being on the wrong side of history with Prop 8, either) – but as individuals, they’re ok in my book.

  • JustSayin’

    They wouldn’t be able to convert me (magical thinking doesn’t sway me now; science, logic and reason FTW), and I really don’t like their church’s stance (and perhaps their’s) on gay marriage (and I really can’t forgive them for being on the wrong side of history with Prop 8, either) – but as individuals, they’re ok in my book.

    Still, cr0sh, the LDS church as a whole is made up of these individuals, and it is said individuals who, collectively, provided the much-needed financing to mount a hate campaign like Prop 8, so I can’t just overlook that little fact. Any organization is the aggregate of its members, so even if the masses don’t set the agenda, they are, more often than not, willing to follow it through to its end. And for that, I still hold them accountable, however nice they may appear on the surface.