You’re All Going to Hell April 11, 2011

You’re All Going to Hell

By Guest Contributor
April 11, 2011

When a hellfire-obsessed preacher comes to your area, don’t miss the photo op!

Jesus totally hated the sports nuts.

(via Joe. My. God.)

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  • 🙂

  • Sports nuts? Can’t say I’ve ever seen that one before.

  • hahah love it!

  • Poyndexter

    Looks like atheists are safe, with certain provisos.

  • BeckRaba

    LMAO, Lewdness is the least of my worries. I try to break as many laws all at the same time*.

    *Learn from my fail, don’t cook bacon nekid.

  • Alan

    Utah Jazz fans are doubly screwed.

  • WingedBeast

    I never did like sports nuts. It’s not natural to get so involved in a game you’re not actually playing yourself.

  • Lauren

    Well, I thought I was in the clear being an atheist, but then I scrolled up and saw the part about the lewd women. Damn.

  • Is he holding a copy of “The Shack”?

  • Lost In The Bible Belt

    Sports nuts? What about peanuts, walnuts, etc? Nut discrimination!

  • Citation needed? Is that really their reply?

  • Richard Wade

    It would be fun to stand next to him with a similar sign saying:

    JESUS NUTS
    HOMO SAPIENS
    WOMEN MOCKERS
    SPORTS KILLERS
    LEWD BABIES
    MORE MOMS
    HELLO, WHAT’S NEW?

  • entroika

    Gotta love xkcd.

  • Angry Vince

    If hell is full of lewd women and sports nuts, can I get some beer with that?

  • Ubi Dubium

    Angry Vince,

    Well, yeah, but the beer in Hell is stale, and the lewd women are ugly and have STD’s. Better to believe in His Noodliness, be a Pirate, and join us at the heavenly Beer Volcano.

  • I’m guessing this guy’s objection to sports is related to the Puritanical Tertullian’s objection to the sporting events of his own time, which he famously explained in De spectaculis.

  • altar ego

    I love how LEWD WOMEN is at the top and so much larger than anything else…

  • Kaylya

    I totally need one of those [Citation Needed] signs! 😉

    While there’s such a thing as taking sports too seriously, I suppose it’s on the same level as most of his other ‘crimes’ – assuming that by “baby killers” he means abortionists.

  • Edmond

    Sorry, they lost me. Sports nuts? Really? Which sin is THAT?

    Oh, hell, I just basically said “citation needed”, didn’t I?

    Still, which? Why are Sports Nuts on that Phelps-esque list?

  • Rieux

    I think you guys are readin it rong. “Sports” isn’t a noun, it’s a verb. It’s a reference to (non-castrated) men—each one of which “sports nuts.” The sign-holder (a eunuch?) is presenting it as a counterpart to our favorite “lewd women.”

  • Adam

    Sports is idolatry, you blaspheming sinners. It also encourages lewd women (cheerleaders.) Most of the guys wear tight clothes (homosexuals.) I’m sure there’s a baseball player or two named Jesus, so I assume that’s mocking. Like someone else said, the Utah Jazz have sports nuts that are Mormons.

    You’ll all burn in hell!

    (See ya’ll there!)

  • Nakor

    Hockey is, for example, a great evil. Even politicians, who are obviously evil by nature, had to reschedule for hockey here in Canada. So how much eviller must hockey be?! Dude clearly has a point. *sage nod*

  • nothing says “i have a tiny, limp penis i don’t know how to use” like holding a WBC style sign for a camera. loozer.

    but i love the chicks with the ‘citation needed’ sign. so modern, so wiki. great job, ladies. mockery is the most powerful form of protest.

  • Matteo Watkins

    Hell sounds great…save the Mormons… but seriously where’s the balance… douchebag men; OK… lewd women; Hell… it scares me to share the planet with such mentally feeble individuals…*sigh*

  • What Adam said. These guys think that if you’re a huge sports fan, you’ve made sports your god, so you’re worshiping a false idol. Whooo.

  • Troglodyke

    Since I have no use for rabid sports nuts, either, I’m starting to think I have something in common with this douchebag.

    Hmmm…scary.

  • TRex

    Remove “Hell awaits you” and I’d go to that party. Looks like a fun time to me.

  • TRex

    I guess the Chicago Bears are GAWD

  • Jake

    So is the sports nuts bit a False Idols thing, or what?

  • Daniel

    I’m part of the free thought group that made this sign. This was at the College of William and Mary. We got word that there would be CPGs (Crazy Preacher Guys) on campus the day after our weekly meeting and created the sign along with several others. The people in the group holding though weren’t in the group but still thought it was funny. We’re a small group but it’s awesome that this image still gets around the internet.

  • Love Richard Wade’s idea from his comment.

    These signs are getting better fonts than the last time I saw them.

  • As a former highschool outcast, I appreciate the urge that probably led this guy to send ‘sports nuts’ to hell.

    But, after getting over my outcast status, I have to say; it gets better: those kids were just as confused as you, pastor so-and-so. Invite one of them out for a beer sometime. You’ll see.

  • Rollingforest

    Yes! William and Mary students are awesome! I love my alma mater!

  • SeekerLancer

    I’ve actually seen the sports nuts thing before I imagine it has something to do with idolatry.

    It’s funny that these people usually don’t get that hanging crosses in their home or some other representation of God is basically committing the same sin.

  • Brian

    Since I was 12 or so, this 67 year old man has done nothing but love, worship and reverence lewd women. Thank the universe for ’em.

  • cs42

    Cute. I’m pretty sure this is the inspiration: http://xkcd.com/285/