You and Jesus Are Not in a Relationship March 3, 2011

You and Jesus Are Not in a Relationship

By Guest Contributor
March 3, 2011

Well, Dusty‘s not about to win over any Christian fans. In fact, he’ll probably piss off a handful of atheists with his abrasive style.

But it’s hard to disagree with what he says: Christians can’t “have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ” because it’s always a one-way interaction. (Possible NSFW language.)

If you could have a one-way personal relationship with somebody, then that means I have a personal relationship with every girl in every porn video I have ever seen.

And that’s a hell of a lot of women. Because Dusty loves his porn.

…

Have you ever gone over to Jesus’ house and played Halo: Reach?

Have you ever had to punch Jesus in the nose because he slept with your sister? … Of course not! Because Jesus is a fictitional [sic] character who lives in your head.

(via Why Won’t God Heal Amputees?)

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  • Dakota Bob

    Now that’s what I’m talkin’ bout.

  • M.

    Jesus loves me, this I know. Because he fills my God-shaped hole.

  • Ally

    <3 This guy is so win.

  • Lynn

    LOL I thought it was funny. 😀

  • JB Tait

    Anyone who claims a personal relationship with someone who does not respond is pretty much considered to be a stalker.

  • venus

    that was funny

  • NotYou007

    That was 100% pure win and I was laughing so hard I had tears coming out of my eyes.

    “mental masterbation”

    I have a knew phrase.

  • Angel

    High five, Dusty.

  • That was hi-larious.

  • It really is ridiculous.

  • Alex

    That was hilarious.

    I’m going to have to check this guys other videos, he’s awesome.

  • sarah

    Real quote from a Christian friend. “I don’t believe in religion. I have a personal relationship with God. He is the wind beneath my wings.”

    Seriously. And we are considered the weird ones.

  • This notion of a personal relationship with Jesus is one of the oddest features of contemporary evangelicalism. Funny how these are the people who most often claim to follow the only true form of Christianity, yet their brand of religion would be almost unrecognizable to sincere Christians from centuries ago. I’d love to see them explain their personal relationship with Jesus to the Puritans!

  • Mark

    Am I the only one who thinks about Depeche Mode whenever this topic comes up?

  • Lin

    Love this.

    Now I need to go watch NonStampCollector’s “Personal Relationship with Jesus” video again. It’s great too.

  • JenV

    The really awful bit was that when I was a kid, I remember feeling terribly guilty about not being able to attain that “personal relationship with Jesus.” Everyone at church talked about how they all had their personal thang with The Lord (cue angelic music). I prayed and prayed and read the bible, cried out to God and all that BS, but I just never quite got the feedback from Jesus that everyone else pretended they did. I guess I couldn’t lie to myself like that.

    This actually prompted one of my first realizations that Christianity might just be a load of crap, and why I ultimately turned away from it. Let me tell you, when I put that silliness away, all the guilt and self-loathing just disappeared. Amazing how that worked.

    The terrible part of this whole thing was that I was a 10 year old child when I was struggling with this. No child should ever have to feel the encompassing guilt, shame and self-depreciation for some silly concept that is impossible to attain.

    This is one reason I’m glad I woke up to this bullshit early, and another reason to never, EVER, shove any belief down my son’s throat. UGH.

  • ACN

    I remember feeling terribly guilty about not being able to attain that “personal relationship with Jesus.” Everyone at church talked about how they all had their personal thang with The Lord (cue angelic music). I prayed and prayed and read the bible, cried out to God and all that BS, but I just never quite got the feedback from Jesus that everyone else pretended they did.

    QF I felt the same way.

  • Revyloution

    Thanks for posting this up. Ive been a fan of Cult of Dusty since his first videos. He has a fun style to watch, and always gets a good chuckle out of me.

  • CanadianNihilist

    Boosh! it’s about time.

  • Gail

    @ JenV

    That is exactly how I felt growing up in church. I was a little older, about twelve or thirteen when I started having doubts. Everyone else claimed to have a personal relationship with Jesus, that he was answering their prayers, and mine totally went unanswered. I tried and tried. I read books, I talked to church leaders, but in the end I just couldn’t feel anything like everyone else pretended and I did feel very guilty about it for a long time, because my parents and everyone else at church seemed to think that it was not only possible but vital.

    This personal relationship with Jesus thing is what makes the evangelicals think they are the only true Christians. I used to hear people at church say all the time that Catholics were not real Christians because they lacked a personal relationship with Jesus. Tell that to St. Peter.

  • ScarletA

    Where can I get a neat little dinosaur to pet…and a hand job from jesus?????

  • Matt H.

    @JenV

    Same here too. When I was little I use to pray all the time, but in the end it was nothing but talking to myself. I wanted so hard for that “moment” where my beliefs would be validated. If god was so all-powerful, why couldn’t he bother to say something. Why couldn’t something happen that could ONLY be explained by supernatural means. Not looking for meaning in naturally occurring random events.

  • Eric

    Ever time he says “fictiontional” I die a little.

  • whatever, eric. be a pedant, it’s a great way to make friends. not.

    this is Perfect. Dusty should be touring bars and churches all across america. he should be on TV. i hadn’t heard of him before, but talk about effective. just wonderful. yes, the silence of the gods is a big reason why i’m an atheist, and why i don’t object to the AA billboards that say “you KNOW it’s a myth.” we do, and they do too. it’s a fundamental difference between us and them. it is a character trait that has to do with more than just religion. if you will lie to yourself and to others, repeatedly, about such an important issue, you’ll likely do the same on other topics like sex, money, children… etc.

    i really pity bright children in deeply religious families. i’ve read research that suggests that bright children really focus on logic and empathy in the 7-12 years. so the stories of some of you who had to suffer because you felt unworthy because lying adults told you if you prayed hard enough you’d “hear” jeebus “just like they did” make me very sad. i agree: it cruel and no child should suffer that. it’s like telling a kid “there are no presents for you this year because santa saw you doing [something wrong] and is mad at you” while giving gifts to everyone else.

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