A Malevolent Middle Eastern Dictator? February 8, 2011

A Malevolent Middle Eastern Dictator?

Greg van de Krol summarizes (via email) the recent chaos brought about by that awful dictator…

No, not him. The other one:

Speculation has been growing about whether God’s dictatorship will be the next to crumble under the demand for freedom that is sweeping the earth.

Yahweh has now ruled without free elections for over 2,000 years. He seized power after the assassination of his son, although some believe it was an inside job. During this time, he has kept the world’s citizens under constant surveillance, even recording people in the privacy of their own bedrooms. Numerous non-supporters of the regime have been disappearing. Rumor has it that they are being imprisoned in a secret location, never to be seen from again. Amnesty Universal has reported horrific cases of torture simply for not being a member of the ruling party.

Yahweh typically demands unquestioning loyalty from his lackeys, and has even been know to command them to kill their own children, just to see if they will do it. But perhaps growing feebler with age, he has allowed corruption to run wild among his lower officers. Swindling of the elderly and abuse of children by those who collect his taxes has become so wide spread that word of it is no longer a surprise.

Although support remains strong for the aged dictator from those who expect to benefit from his continued rule, there are ever growing waves of dissent, especially among those with access to the Internet. The growth of the net has allowed those who previously had to suffer in silence under his theocratic rule, to connect and share their stories of injustice. Yahweh’s advisers have suggested that the only chance of stemming the tide of his unmasking is to pull the plug on the Internet and bring back book burning.

If he would just step aside, it would be so much better for the world…

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What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • That is awesome. 😀

  • Since the dictator hasn’t personally appeared in a press conference for nearly 2000 years, it is possible that He has already passed and the regime is just propped up by His henchmen and their descendants.

  • Oana

    … i have no words. It’s just too awesome!

    i’ll save it on my PC

  • i can’t believe the author didn’t mention the sexism and patriarchy. so many dictators practice those, but this dictator is the worst. he doesn’t even let women hold leadership positions in his two oldest organizations, not to mention how he expects us to behave- obey and submit. totally discriminatory.

    Hemant, i know you’re busy this week (and JSKrap isn’t letting me load the blog right now so no link), but i was wondering if you’d seen JoeMyGod’s post on the new catholic app for the iphone. check it out if you have time.

  • Roxane


  • Since it has been almost 2000 years since the dictator (or His son) has personally appeared in public or had a press conference, He might have already passed away and his henchmen are acting like He is still alive so they can stay in power and keep the regime going. Classic behavior in a dictatorship/cult of personality.

  • Silent Service

    I think I pulled something laughing.

  • sheryl

    Another example of cult and brainwashing activity. which cripples the logical mind. and creates emotional basket cases.
    men needing to be in power! all powerful!and in charge through creating fear and false promises of love and perfection.

  • Claudia

    Simply awesome. I could add:

    2000 years of unopposed rule has led to the creation of a massive, ummovable and inefficient bureaucracy. A bewildering and often contradictory set of rules ensures that anyone under his rule is sure to always be in violation of some law or another, hence leaving the possibility of punishment permanently open and ensuring a steady stream of bribes for his henchmen. Freedom of speech is heavily curtailed, to the point where inappropriately uttering the name of the autocrat leads to stiff punishments.

  • Darwin’s Dagger

    I heard a rumor that this guy doesn’t even exist. How embarrassing would that be to all of the people cowering under his rule?

  • As a former fundamentalist, I have to disagree with the timeline. I know my Bible.

    Yahweh was the brutal, jealous, genocidal, unrelenting dictator 3,000 to 4,000 years ago. Then approximately 2,000 years ago, he passed the dictatorship onto his son and took on more of a supervisory role. His son’s leadership style was more radical hippie than tyrant. After his son’s death and resurrection, Yahweh 2.0, the nebulous feel-good dictator, in conjunction with the spirit of his not-so-dead-anymore son took over again. I think that having a son mellowed him out a bit. They are said to work as a team now and are less murderous and nasty, but they both still seems strangely obsessed with sex. This is all hearsay, though. Neither of them has ever held a press conference, so we don’t know for sure what they’re up to. They only seem to speak directly to people who are mentally ill. Not a very efficient way to communicate with the masses, in my opinion, but then I’m not a deity, so what do I know. 😉

  • Bob

    I understand Yahweh may have Weapons of Mass Destruction, which he apparently used on the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah, as well as the Tower of Babel.

  • jose

    If only the US stopped supporting him…

  • Valhar2000

    If you keep this sort of thing up, Hemant, you will be accused of not being friendly!

  • Brian

    Very droll. Appreciate it.

  • Gibbon

    And here I was hoping that the focus would be on an ACTUAL and REAL dictator, one that has in fact killed people. Instead we get some pablum about some perpetually absent character that to date is found in only a handful of narratives.

    There are real dictators in the world, so why not put the time and energy into opposing them rather than the wasteful effort of denigrating a literary character that can only have an indirect affect on anyone.

  • Let’s not forget Yahweh’s ruthless purges of dissenting factions (Canaanites, Amalekites, etc.) and atrocious human rights record (marginalizing women, tolerating slavery, etc.).

    Much like the late President Niyazov of Turkmenistan, Yahweh has also created a bizarre cult of personality around himself and his son. Go to any administrative office of his regime, and you’ll find countless pictures of his son and copies of the “Bible”, a self-authored book reminiscent of Niyazov’s “Rukhnama”.

  • Savannna

    The true roots of YHWH is that he indeed is good and well willing to his people and not evil or dictator like, just the many translations and edits to the biblical story’s about this true and living god willmake him look evil, but he isn’t. Those changes or edits are made by people who wanted the power to rule over a group using the simple tactic of penetrating peoples lifes with fear. But they don’t realise that they give YHWH a really  bad name with their antics…

    People tend to change or edit story’s when they tell them or pass them true, you all should know this simple fact.  But hey, you are free to think and say whatever you want about anything, that is the beauty of free will..

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