What Would You Say in a Church Exit Interview?

I am an ‘ex-catholic’

Why have you stopped attending Sunday Mass regularly? I stopped believing in the religion before I was 18 and stopped attending mass at 17, when my mother finally gave up forcing me to go.

Are there any changes your parish might make that would prompt you to return? Not really..

Are there any doctrinal issues that trouble you? When I was 10 I first asked my mom why gay people went to hell and she couldn’t give me an answer that I found to make sense.

Does your pastor or anyone on the parish staff know you by name? At my old church, yes. One deacon knew my name and talked to me frequently.

Are you in a mixed-religion marriage? No, we are both atheists now, I was raised catholic, he baptist.

Do your children go to church? No.

Did you ever really consider yourself to be a member of a parish community? Not really, since I was 12 I felt I wasn’t part of my church because I had different opinions and beliefs.

I’ll give those questions a go. I was raised Catholic, after all.

– I stopped when I was a kid because Mass was incredibly boring to me.

– First, they’ll have to prove to me God exists, Catholicism is true and show that God isn’t an incredibly unpleasant being. After that, they’ve got to make an effort to make Mass less tedious.

– Hell. There’s also a lot of other stances I disagree with (condoms, gay people, female priests and so on), but Hell is the biggest, I think.

– No. They’ve never even seen me.

(I’ll skip the next two because I’m not married and don’t have kids.)

– Technically, yes. As a kid, I did feel part of the village I grew up in, and since everybody in that village was Catholic and went to the same church, I suppose I technically felt part of the parish. Technically, but not really. It was about the village to me, not the church.

Why have you stopped attending Sunday Mass regularly?
I stopped the second I moved away from home at age 18. It NEVER made any sense to me in the least. All I ever said growing up was, “Is it over yet?” As the youngest of five, I could get away with that.

Are there any changes your parish might make that would prompt you to return?
Absolutely NOT.

Are there any doctrinal issues that trouble you?
ALL.

Does your pastor or anyone on the parish staff know you by name?
Unfortunately, my parents went to a church run by a lunatic that was excommunicated because he refused to go along with the changes that Vatican II implemented. So, yes, the priest did know us because we were a parish of approximately 200. Our “church” was a rented space at a VFW Hall in Hicksville, Long Island; it had a disco ball in the middle. It was nuts.

Are you in a mixed-religion marriage?
My husband grew up without any religious training or coercion. I am an atheist now and he claims he agnostic, but…. we all know where that leads.

Do your children go to church?
We don’t have children, but if we did, HELL NO, they would not. They would be raised to believe in truth, reason, and compassion.

Did you ever really consider yourself to be a member of a parish community?
I hated every minute of it, and at the age of 15, after hearing that I was evil through and through one too many times, I told my parents I would NEVER go back, and if they made me (which I feared they would), I would kill myself. They listened, and for a few years we attended a sweet, happy Ukranian church in another town.

I wonder why the Catholic church isn’t doing this themselves. It seems like such an obvious idea now it has been pointed out. I won’t attempt the questions though because I’ve only ever been to church for weddings, funerals and one baptism (I didn’t burst into flame or anything) and wouldn’t consider going. Honestly it would be like me (a white, straight male) joining the black lesbian alliance.

Also I wouldn’t have a clue where the nearest Catholic church is. We kicked them out of England in the 16th and 17th century and they still aren’t welcome.

The Catholic Church isn’t in the business of asking. It’s in the business of telling. They don’t want to know what you’re thinking unless you’re telling them so that they can correct you. It won’t be anytime soon that they start to solicit info from people who aren’t attending.

Re: lurker111 and Kathryn. You are right. Following Vatican II there was a bit more listening, but then ideas like female ordination started rising and the conservative and more authoritarian track took over again.
I am an ex-Catholic, too.

#

# Are there any doctrinal issues that trouble you?

Yes, the idea that the fetus is inviolate and that nothing should ever be done that may lead to its untimely end. Doctors in some countries are not allowed to end ectopic pregnancies, even though it will cost the lives of both the fetus and the mother.

Do your children go to church?

No. I used to think that it is good to send them so that they will be exposed to different religious opinions than my own. In fact, they even went to a Catholic school for a time. Then I realized that I would send them to Republican rallies, so why to a Catholic church?

• Does your pastor or anyone on the parish staff know you by name?

Yes, because I went to my dad’s funeral, and was reminded just how crazy the whole religion is.

“Why have you stopped attending Sunday Mass regularly?”

(I was protestant.) They have no interest in hearing my thoughts if my thoughts are critical of what they believe. They are there to instruct people with “the truth.” They are the teacher, you are the student.

“Are there any changes your parish might make that would prompt you to return?”

No.

“Are there any doctrinal issues that trouble you?”

Yes. All of them.

“Does your pastor or anyone on the parish staff know you by name?”

Yes.

“Are you in a mixed-religion marriage?”

No. Both pretty much ex-Christian.

“Do your children go to church?”

No, not anymore.

“Did you ever really consider yourself to be a member of a parish community?”

Yes. (a local church)

The exit interviews would be pointless. The Catholic Church wouldn’t learn anything from them, or do anything in response to them.

QFT. Is the church going to change its theology in response to ex-member feedback? If enough people say they want married or women priests, is the pope going to listen? Of course not! The church’s opinion is that they have exclusive possession of the truth and the only job for everyone else is to fall in line. These “exit interviews” would never consist of an honest interrogation of former members’ views – the only thing they could possibly be is an hour of your priest haranguing you to quit whining and come back to the church.

They don’t want the opinion of parishioners. The only opinion that matters is that of the pope, he is considered unfallable.

Their just another cult, just larger than most of the others. I did the mass thing until 18 then just stopped.

* Why have you stopped attending Sunday Mass regularly?
– I was raised a good catholic, so we never attended church regularly (unless xmas, easter, and 4-5 other miscellaneous times per year is considered “regularly”).

* Are there any changes your parish might make that would prompt you to return?
– Strippers, or unconditional cash giveaways, maybe. But seriously, the answer is “no”. As an atheist the church holds nothing for me.

* Are there any doctrinal issues that trouble you?
– Raping little boys and hiding the rapists; denigration of women (see any women priests lately?); denigration of homosexuals; deadly lies about AIDS and condoms; (list continues for 28 pages); and red shoes…. seriously, dude, the only folks who should wear red shoes on a regular basis are women and Tom Hanks (and he only wears one, and it’s a sneaker).

* Does your pastor or anyone on the parish staff know you by name?
– Who’s my pastor? In the town I spent my teenage years the local priest did know everybody in town – catholics and non-catholics. But then, it was a village of 600, and everybody knew everybody. Besides, he had better have known my name – I delivered his morning newspaper every morning for 7 years.

* Are you in a mixed-religion marriage?
– When I was married, my ex- was not religious, but she did believe in a god of some sort. Since I’m an atheist (was then, too), some could argue mixed-religion.

* Do your children go to church?
– I do not have any children, but if I did, I would not take them to church, just as I would not take them to any Harry Potter camp where the folks believed HP was real. However, if they wanted to go to church on their own (not forced to by a relative), I would let them go, then discuss the service afterward.

* Did you ever really consider yourself to be a member of a parish community?
– My parents did consider themselves and their family part of the parish community where I was born. After we moved, that connection was not made in our new towns. Personally, I never felt part of a parish community at all. As an aside – my father did consider himself part of his parish community where he grew up. He attended the same church from birth through his 30’s except when he was in the Navy during WWII. His parish priest thought so highly of my father’s being a part of that community for 30 years that, when my father chose a protestant who converted to catholicism as his bride, the priest told him to go away – he would not be a part of marrying a catholic to a “protestant whore” (OK – that last part I borrowed from Peter’s American father from “Family Guy”, but effectively, that was the situation).

I kind of concur with SteveC. Why help them figure out how best to dupe people?

Do businesses really do exit interviews with customers?

No, but I’ve always made it a practice to let a business know just why they were losing my business. It gives them a chance to remedy what bothers you (a few actually have) and to know what they’re doing wrong. They used to be quite receptive and wanting to know why which makes sense because what money-making venture doesn’t want to know why they’re losing money? However, about a dozen years ago, I noticed a dramatic shift when doing so. A mocking, who gives a fuck, don’t let the door hit you on the way out instead of what can we do to keep you? And they wonder why the economy’s so bad. No one expects a company to change their business practices over one customer but they should keep track of the things individual customers are complaining about so as to spot trends turning large customer bases off. I always felt it was only fair to let a company know why they were losing my business but the last several times I have tried — always politely — I was treated so nastily by their so-called customer service people that I’ve kind of given up the practice.

However, since I’m a geek who loves answering these sort of things, I’ll give it a go even though I left first Protestant than Jewish (though since I never went through with the conversion, I’ll just concentrate on the Protestant and leave the synagogue alone):

“Why have you stopped attending Sunday Mass regularly?” I’ve been reading and studying the bible because I wanted to understand god better and there’s no way that Jesus could be the messiah. The new and old testaments just contradict each other too much and Jesus did not accomplish what the messiah was supposed to. I know you’re going to say he will with the second coming but the predictions of a messiah just say he’s going to come and make these changes, not come, leave and come back again so even the second coming doesn’t make any damned sense.

“Are there any changes your parish might make that would prompt you to return?” No, not any you’d be willing to. And even if you were to change the social things I don’t like, it still wouldn’t make what you see as the basic truth you’re selling seem anything other than false to me.

“Are there any doctrinal issues that trouble you?” How much time do you have?

“Does your pastor or anyone on the parish staff know you by name?” Yes. He made quite a show of helping my poor family. We were excellent promotional material.

“Are you in a mixed-religion marriage?” I was, briefly. Then Agnostic married to a Baptist. However, I get the impression they’re more pointing to is someone of the flock married to someone not of the flock so that doesn’t pertain since I was still a teenager basically when I left.

“Do your children go to church?” God, no. I would never have allowed it. Any more than I’d allow them to go to a bar or an R or X rated movie. Hell, have you read the buybull? It should be rated R, at least. I would never have allowed my daughter around someone purposely scaring her the way the church would have so why would I the church. Bad enough having to explain it the day she came home terrified because some Christian classmate told her she was going to perish — in the first first grade. Why would I allow her to go into a big scary building with grownups thundering about heaven and hell to be intimidated and verbally abused? I don’t understand nonbelievers who allow their children to be subject to this cruelty.

“Did you ever really consider yourself to be a member of a parish community?” No. I felt like the token poor taken on to represent the goodness of their heart and accepted because my mother’s family had lived in the area since it was settled by the white man and because my aunt (whose husband ran a large local dairy farm at that time) attended the church and was one of the ones who liked to show off what a good Christian she was.

my attitude has always been if i ever want to “Pope Up” for jeebus i’ll do it with the Catholics. why the hell not; the Prots are latecomers and posers in that particular scam. i’m Old School, when it comes to that sort of thing. just as Islam is “pure” and Judaism is “more intellectual.” /eyeroll to all three/

but i won’t. the baby rapers hold no appeal for me, no matter how fabulous their shoes or how many cool nuns have naked art shows on teevee. i have this moral value, you see; i can’t ever defend pedophiles and their assistants. not, like, ever.

there is this old 60s movie with Anthony Quinn or something, where some unlikely Pope decides to forward world peace by selling off every last valuable thing the RCC has, donating it all to the care and feeding of the poor, and disband the hierarchy of the church, who must then live out their lives caring for the meek. something like that, down to the last silk caps on their heads, and i might take them seriously. otherwise? con men and pedophiles and misogynists. i feel bad for less informed believers, but really. i don’t let anyone tell me what to think, i don’t get the appeal giving away that self-control. i’d rather control my own mind and sometimes be wrong, than answer for the foolery of another. and there is much foolery in the organization led by the teen formerly known as a concentration camp guard.

Why have you stopped attending Sunday Mass regularly?

Because I started University and learned got the urge to question what the old man was preaching. At times, I had to sit on my hands to not raise them to start a discussion.

Are there any changes your parish might make that would prompt you to return

No. The problem is not on a parish level.

Are there any doctrinal issues that trouble you?

there might be no god. Homosexuality is not a crime and should not be hidden. Women are equal to man. the pope needs to go. The church needs to invest more of their wealth into social projects (not a doctrine but still)to proove they are here for a good cause and can be a moral instance. Other religions are just as good as this one, no need to kill people who have another faith.

Does your pastor or anyone on the parish staff know you by name?
Did you ever really consider yourself to be a member of a parish community?

yes. I was a very active member of my parish.

Re this:

Are there any changes your parish might make that would prompt you to return?

I’m an ex-Protestant atheist who has never been Catholic. Still, if the RCC junked almost all of its doctrinal system in favor of a democratically governed secular humanitarianism, I’d consider joining. I think there is value in the community elements of organized religion, though (even if you throw out the obviously screwed-up elements of supernaturalism and male/straight/etc. privilege) they’re not perfect either.

Of course, if the RCC really did junk almost all of its doctrinal system in favor of a democratically governed secular humanitarianism, no one might notice, because we’d be so distracted by all of the flying pigs.

Former Protestant here.

Why have you stopped attending Sunday Masschurch services regularly?

I began to put aside my faith early in my teens but kept going to church (a) because it was a community I enjoyed and respected, and (b) to make my mother happy. Both of those reasons disappeared when I left home for college, and I no longer believed, so why bother to seek out a new church?

Are there any changes your parishchurch might make that would prompt you to return?

No. The church I belonged to is one of the finest examples of Christianity you will ever find. But as someone said above, the problems I have with religion exist at a much larger scale than can be addressed by a single congregation.

Are there any doctrinal issues that trouble you?

All of them.

Does your pastor or anyone on the parishchurch staff know you by name?

Yes. My family has been part of the congregation for generations, and I continue to be well known there even all these years later.

Are you in a mixed-religion marriage?

No. Both atheists. He a lifelong one, and me an apostate. 😉

Do your children go to church?

No children yet. When we do have children, we will definitely not take them to church ourselves. However, I would not mind it at all if they were occasionally to go to my childhood church with my mother; the people there are kind, and the experience could be a helpful one for developing critical thinking skills!

Did you ever really consider yourself to be a member of a parishchurch community?

Of course. For many years the church was like an extension of our family. I was active in youth group and the choirs. Even after setting my faith aside as a teenager, I continued to lead Vacation Bible School and teach Sunday School classes.

(That’s right, a sneaky atheist like me could be teaching Bible stories to your children — gasp! The horror! Actually, as I said, this congregation is one of the best examples of Christianity, and the way they approach children’s education is anything but indoctrination. The Bible is taught to them much in the same way Aesop’s fables might be. Since that’s roughly the level on which I can find any value in the Bible myself, I never had any qualms about explaining it to kids that way.)

Ex (well still technically on the roles but haven’t attended in 6 months) Mormon here:

I have stopped attending church because of the historical and present day fraud that I just learned about (and was blinded to while a TBM – True Believing Mormon )

There is no way I can return now that I’ve given up all superstitions, gods, demons, promises and punishments.

The fraudulent content and creation of the founding documents of Mormonism and the current control and bigotry trouble me.

The ward (parish) members and leadership know me by name and sight.

I am now in a mixed religion marriage – my wife is TBM and I am a strong atheist.

My sons continue to attend church with their mother, my daughters do no attend church.

I was a very active member of my ward, in a lay leadership position as well as other non-leadership ‘callings’ (librarian, facilities, website, etc.) as well as an LDS missionary for my whole life; up to 6 months ago.

I left because of Prop 8, not because I was gay-sympathetic (I am now), but because I was curious about the change from the LDS church 100+ years ago (“gov stay out of our polygamist marriages”) to (“gov interfere with ‘their’ marriages”). Maybe I was wrong about (“gov stay out of our marriages”), so for two years I read all the history about the church I could get my hands on and boy were my eyes opened. No wonder the LDS members are warned not to investigate the ‘flecks of history’.

Ex-Church of Christ here. Went for about 7 years.

I stopped attending because I didn’t believe in it anymore. It took me sometime to stop attending after I stopped believing. The final straw for me that allowed me to walk away was a sermon against education. The preacher said that people shouldn’t go to college because education caused people to stop believing in god. It was better to live in poverty and ignorance and attend church and believe in god. That was it for me.

One of the posters above wrote about being “pedantic” when it came to the pope’s infallibility. I am going to be pedantic, too. Too often, I read that ex-Catholics can’t go along with Creationism. That’s a red flag for me as to the poster’s authenticity. Catholicism fully embraces evolution. In fact it was a scientist-priest who developed the Big Bang Theory. There are reasons not to be invested in Catholicism but I would have much more respect if people knew what they were rejecting. For instance, Granma taking cathecism classes at 17? BS. Missionary position only…wouldn’t have been said. I don’t want to think that non-believers are simply embittered no-nothings. I want to have more respect for you than that.

I left the Jehovah’s Witnesses about 15 years ago.

* Why have you stopped attending Sunday Mass regularly?
–I stopped attending because I had issues with doctrine. Very pointedly it was not because I wanted to have sex, or because I had figured out yet that I was a lesbian. I needed it to be an intellectual decision, not an emotional or reactionary one.

* Are there any changes your parish might make that would prompt you to return?
–Not now, but back then: If some of the more egregious policies had been revoked, maybe I’d have stayed faithful. For a little longer anyway. I left right before the internet became mainstream, so it was probly inevitable after that.

* Are there any doctrinal issues that trouble you?
–That only a certain number of people can or will be saved. That god as they preach him seems kinda mean and violent. God is love =/= what they say his about his actions.
–Some of those rapetastic stories from the bible really bothered me.
–That gay people should have to remin celibate, because god cares about things like that. Also, that everyone should remain pure until marriage. Even before I was old enough to be sexually active, I thought god cared just a little too much. I was born to be slutty.
–Women’s issues: abortion, not being elders, basically being told that I was 2nd class and should like it up there on that pedestal (or in the kitchen).

* Does your pastor or anyone on the parish staff know you by name?
–Yup. Everyone.

* Did you ever really consider yourself to be a member of a parish community?
–Definitely, although it immediately vanished, so I was forced to question the legitimacy of those friendships.

anniesez:

Anyone who states that the Catholic church supports evolution does not understand evolution (or ignores Catholic theology). The Catholic church does not support evolution. They support theistic evolution. Very different. Because Adam and Eve, sin and souls aren’t part of evolution.

Why have you stopped attending Sunday (services) regularly?

Because I work hard to support others and myself and since I know that I am going to hear the same platitudes about a god who will provide for me, I need a day of rest on the seventh day just like (H)is lazy ass did.

Are there any changes your parish might make that would prompt you to return?

Replace the entire “Church Council” with people who honestly listen to my ideas. You see, I had come to be known as a “question asker.”

Are there any doctrinal issues that trouble you?

Yes. Actually, I once spontaneously shared the following concern with my pastor. He did not have a response for me. I do not understand why this church seems to be teaching a moral system which is only suitable for people under the age of 10. With a couple of minor exceptions, I have been living my life by my own rules, and I do not think I have hurt any one very badly. While acknowledging this silly set of rules, I realize if I had followed them to the letter, I would not have succeeded in life. For example, “…if a man asks for your shirt, give him your coat as well.” Really? to what end? I have had my generous moments but did not over do it.

Do your children go to church?

Yes, but my 15 year old goes for the social aspects and does not believe in god. My other child goes because their mother wants them to.

1. I never attended Mass, but if I were one of the millions of Catholics worldwide who stop going to church every year, I’d probably say something like this. When Catholics go to church, they expect certain things: inspiration, community, messages of humility. Instead, their inspiration is quashed by the hardline conservatism that Benedict and his political allies in the church are forcing throughout the church. Instead of community, they get aggressive rhetoric against homosexuals in the community, demands for penance from “liberals,” and the excommunication of women who dare suggest that they are equal to men. These things fracture communities. Instead of humility, they are now being told to give more and more, as the church’s once pornographic-bordering-on-the-smutful wealth dwindles to merely pornographic-bordering-on-the-obscene.

2. Again, I’m not a Catholic, but if I were one, I might want my parishes to change around their priorities a little bit. Instead of closing Catholic schools one by one over closing churches, I’d sell the churches to be museums and video stores and use that to prop up the Catholic education system for as long as possible because, you know what, *any* accredited school is better than *any* church and Catholic schools get accredited. If the bishop has to take a pay cut for that to happen, so be it.

3. Doctrinal issues that CONCERN me? Here’s a few: “AIDS may be bad, but condoms are worse.” “Women are naturally inferior to men, though we’re all born filthy (and only the church can cleanse us).” “Reproductive intercourse is a beautiful thing, and anything else is ugly and worthy of our condemnation, and anyone who engages in such sex must beg forgiveness from the church.” “If the occasional priest rapes a child, it’s the church that suffers the most.” “The key to heaven is the literal cannibalism of a zombified Jewish rabbi, whose flesh is magicked into your church by the incantations of the properly-trained acolyte.” “Homosexuals are evil. Jews are almost as bad.”

4. I’m not a Catholic, but probably he wouldn’t, because priests are getting transferred around and are dropping out in record numbers, always with fewer and fewer replacements.

5. If I were a Catholic and I were in a mixed-religion marriage, I would know that the church would say that a “mixed-religion marriage” is a contradiction because, to the church, the only real, legitimate marriages are those between faithful Catholics. The rest don’t count.

6. Given the undeniable fact that the insatiable lusts of the Catholic church’s employees have caused the systematic rape and torture of millions of children in quite literally every country in which the church operates, I would never, EVER let my children into a Catholic church or school. Anyone who does is abusive by recklessness.

7. No.

“Why have you stopped attending Sunday Mass regularly?” etc etc

How do ANY of these questions pertain to claims of truth?
Whether I LIKE something or not does not determine the truthfulness of the proposition.
The very questions asked indicate blindness to the real issues.

@hoverfrog Re: sex, oral or not: all the young people ignored any “rules” that were suggested. Kinda like most Americans, really. Oral sex used to be an option, but is now a requirement (Dan Savage).

The JWs don’t vote, which is a plus. However, they will excommunicate you if you put a foot wrong, and then many family members will shun you.

This is why I switched their description from “harmless” to “mostly harmless”.

I’ll bite with this one.

* Why have you stopped attending Sunday Mass regularly?

I stopped a long time ago. Originally, that was because the cognitive dissonance of being a non-straight teenager made me feel ashamed and broken whenever I went. These days, however, I simply don’t believe in any gods.

* Are there any changes your parish might make that would prompt you to return?

Nope, since I don’t believe in any gods.

* Are there any doctrinal issues that trouble you?

I’m a woman, I’m bi, and I was a kid in sub-Saharan Africa where there were way, way too many people dying from AIDS for lack of condoms and decent sex ed. And then a kid and an adult in Ireland where the RCC is still a major influence in the fact that women are not allowed to access abortions in this country unless we’re actually about to die right then and there. Let’s start with that, and then we can move on to my opinions on undemocratic institutions.

* Does your pastor or anyone on the parish staff know you by name?

They used to.

* Are you in a mixed-religion marriage?

Nope, not married. I am in a state that the RCC considers ‘living in sin’, and I consider ‘having a lovely time’.

* Do your children go to church?

No children. But they won’t. I would like to keep any of my future kids away from anyone who has carte blanche to rape, torture and abuse them and be protected for such.

* Did you ever really consider yourself to be a member of a parish community?

Yup. I even sang in choir as a kid! But my belief in gods, and membership of any religious communities, died at around the same time as my belief in UFOs, psychic powers, and conversations with dead people.

Former baptist.
* Why have you stopped attending church regularly?
Short answer: After swapping partners with a deacon one night, I went with my girlfriend and the deacon and his wife to watch him preach a sermon about fidelity. The hypocrisy was the stone that started an avalanche.
Then I read Carl Sagan’s Contact and the doubts began regarding biblical inerrancy. QED atheist.

* Are there any changes your parish might make that would prompt you to return?
Stop taking superstition seriously.

* Are there any doctrinal issues that trouble you?
See #2.

* Does your pastor or anyone on the parish staff know you by name?
Doubt it.

* Are you in a mixed-religion marriage?
I am an strong atheist and she is agnostic/deist.

* Do your children go to church?
My cat is also an atheist.

* Did you ever really consider yourself to be a member of a parish community?
Sure. I went to bible camp and was part of a gospel act that traveled to different churches. BTW the charismatic churches are weird! I even went to bars and preached at the poor sinners.